Wednesday One-Liners Need the Cliffs Notes

Drunk college kid: I had to read Grapes of Wrath. Which, by the way, has no grapes! Pissed me off!

–53rd & 7th

20-Something chick: Non fiction? That’s true stuff right?

–Barnes & Noble, 54th between 3rd & Park

Older sister, giving younger brother a book entitled Living in Sin: Here, this is all about you.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Guy, to friend reading Dostoevsky’s The Idiot: Hey, is that your autobiography?

–Times Square

Overheard by: John

Ghetto white dude: Yo, that nigga is like Shakespeare. Mad gangsta.

–9th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: shannon ramlochan

Guy: You can’t talk to me for half an hour about Chaucer and then tell me you have a boyfriend.

–St Mark’s & 3rd

Posted on August 30, 2006
Books & Writing, Brooklyn, College, Families, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, White People, Wiggers

The Penis Mightier Than the Wednesday One-Liners

Small girl, pointing at an advertisement for Little Man: Look, Grandpa! He looks like a little man!…He has a huge penis!

–189th St

Braggart: My penis is heavier than a full-sized gruyere cheese.

–Red Hook

Guy dressed as a penis, on cell: If you don’t get down to 14th and 6th in another 5 minutes, this is one dick you are not going to see!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Madhu Maganti

Guy: I’d give an inch of my dick for the fries at Les Halles. They’re that good!…Ok, maybe half an inch.

–Park Avenue & 29th Street

Overheard by: 11221

Teen boy on cell: Hey, it’s Big Daddy! You know, Big Daddy! You showed me your penis ring last night.

–Times Square

Overheard by: laura

Woman: Aaah! I’ve got baby penises in my eye!

–Sephora, Times Square

Girl: Ooh, she is going to be in so much trouble. She got caught smoking cock.

–Bed-Stuy

Posted on August 30, 2006
Brooklyn, Food, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Places, Pop Culture, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, The Bronx, Times Square, Union Square and East Village

The Delis Are Going to Have to Start Selling Matzoh-Ball Soup

Black guy #1, noticing white guy walking down the street: Aw, man!
Black guy #2: There goes the neighborhood.
White guy: This is the cheapest rent in the city. You better believe my people are going to start moving here.

–Franklin Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on August 29, 2006
Black People, Brooklyn, People, Places, Real Estate, White People

Dad Tries the Post-Modern/Eisenhower-Era Parenting Combo Attack

Dad, to little boy holding on to chain-link fence: Get off of that! You can’t climb on that!
Son: But why?
Dad: Because it’s art! And I said so.

–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park, DUMBO

Overheard by: Lady

Posted on August 28, 2006
Arts & Letters, Boys, Brooklyn, Dads, Kids, Parents

This Being New York, the Last Option Was Quickly Dismissed as Improbable

Hipster girl #1: I bet she had a frontal lobotomy.
Hipster girl #2: Really? I was thinking she might be slightly autistic.
Hipster girl #1: Maybe she’s just really happy.

–Court & Warren, Brooklyn

Posted on August 26, 2006
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Hipsters, Psychology, Retards & Handicaps

Statutory Wednesday One-Liners

Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!

–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St

20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…

–6 train, Astor Place

Overheard by: Al

Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!

–6 train

Overheard by: Innocent bystander

Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.

–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn

Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.

–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac

Overheard by: Judy

Posted on August 23, 2006
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Frat Boys, Horny, Jobs & Careers, Kids, LaGuardia Airport, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Porn, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, The Village, Tourists

If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere

Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.

–Battery Park

Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.

–Lindy’s, 7th Ave

Overheard by: joemikehap

Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!

–F train

Overheard by: Braincurve

Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.

–Grand Central

Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Laura

Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.

–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Clitoris Rex

Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!

–Times Square