Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think Of It As “Long-Term Borrowing”

Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough.

–Metro-North Rail

Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend!

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: STC

Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oneofmanymikes

Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay.

–94th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: venniblue

Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right?

–Broadway & 21st St

Posted on March 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Rich people, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

This Is Where Babies Come From, Sweetie

Little girl to mother in liquor store: Mommy, why are you buying that?
Mother: I don't ask you why you buy toys.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Noemi

Posted on March 6, 2015
Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Kids, Moms, Questions, Shopping

Like When Newter Gingrich Rants About Gay Marriage

Man in hard hat: My dog Sparky is still in the hospital. The doctor wants to neuter him.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Really, that is too bad… Has he fathered puppies before?
Man in hard hat: No. But I am going to ship his testicles via FedEx to Iowa. It will cost $200 to freeze his sperm.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Wow! Um… interesting. (then to friend, as man in hard hat walks away) It was so hard to keep a straight face!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gigglerocks

Posted on March 5, 2015
Balls, Brooklyn, Cum, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Men, Money & Class, Weirdness, Women

Gosh, I Miss San Francisco

Chick: You told me this was a safe neighborhood!
Dude: It *is*! Just not safe to get naked in!

–Livingston St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on March 3, 2015
Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, Nudity, Weirdness

It Got Me Through College

Cashier #1: So they’re like, not gonna let me graduate.
Cashier #2: What if you give them money? My school’s a capitalist machine, they’ll let you get away with murder if you pay them enough…unless you’re pregnant. Then you’re screwed.
Cashier #1: Nah, they’re too used to kids pulling knives on them for extra pencils.
Cashier #2: Then cry. You can get anything you want by crying. Works for me.

–Kings Plaza, Brooklyn

Posted on March 1, 2015
Brooklyn, Fast Times at New York High, Money & Class, Teens, Violence

Kevin Smith's High School Classmates Are Kicking Themselves Now

High school boy: Superheroes are cool, right?
High school girls: (laughs)

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Brigdh

Posted on March 1, 2015
Brooklyn, Laughter, Manhattan, Students, Superheroes

That's How I Get My Kix

(six-year-old boy tries to cross street against traffic)
Father, grabbing boy's hand: Whoa, little man! That's dangerous!
Six-year-old boy: Daddy, I eat danger for breakfast.

–Ocean & Newkirk, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Well I eat razors and nails.

Posted on March 1, 2015
Advice, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Kids, Laughter, Parents

Ladies and Gentlemen, Our Future.

Girl #1: I hate my life! I need to go out there! Like drive to Hawaii!
Girl #2: You can't drive to Hawaii, you don't even have a license!

–Bedford & N 8th

Overheard by: Bklynguts

Posted on February 28, 2015
Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Girls, Gripes, Stupidity, Travel, U.S. Geography

“That'sa Spicy Wednesday One-Liner!”

Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.

–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room

Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Kayla Monetta

Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."

–E 10th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: molina1230

Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.

–Brooklyn College

Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Not hungry either

Posted on February 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guidettes, Italians, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Porn, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Strangers, Street, Students, The Village, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women