Girl: So my dad opened Jake’s phone bill the other day and he’s like “I don’t want to alarm you or anything, but there’s a phone number on here that Jake has been calling all the time.”
Grandmother: Oh my god! You’re not saying–
Girl: And when we called it we found out it was that Chinese restaurant down the street. That motherfucker eats there all the time! So much that it put him over on his cell phone minutes. Can you believe that?
–Driggs Pizza, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Chick #1: She yelled at me again!
Chick #2: What did you do?
Chick #1: Nothing. I swear, that woman has a vendetta against me. I must look like somebody her husband is sleeping with.
–Brooklyn Brewery
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Patriot: Happy motherfucking America Day, everyone!
20-something: It's called the 4th of July, dumbass.
Patriot: You shut your goddamn liberal commie bitch ass mouth, you fuckin terrorist!
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Poetry slam emcee: Hi, everyone! Wow, what a great turnout…I think you're all Emma's friends. She's first, but we have a great line-up, so please don't leave. Stay!
Emma's friend, sotto voce: Dude, it's a poetry reading, even Emma is leaving unless you give everyone another drink ticket.
–Grand Street & Driggs, Brooklyn
Dude: Who would win in a fight, Pinhead or Predator?
Chick: Definitely Predator.
Dude: But wait — is pinhead real?
–Brooklyn
Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy.
–37th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg
Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy!
–Times Square Subway Station
Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto.
–22nd St & 5th Ave
Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Westsider
30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister.
–Broadway & 114th St
Overheard by: mary e.
Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train!
–Target, Atlantic Ave
Construction worker to another: I got a parking ticket today, but I'm just going to send it in not guilty, then send a lawyer to say my client can't make court today, then reschedule, then by then I'll already be on probation from that other thing!
Friend: Yeah, good idea, that should work.
–Brooklyn
Ghetto gay boy: So Sophia* got some video of her on the internet givin' head to her ex man.
Not so ghetto gay boy: Yeah? That sucks.
Ghetto gay boy: Yeah, I told her yo, you better not let your son see that shit.
–Norman Ave, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Why would he be looking?
Black dude following girl: Hey man, check out that ass! Look at that ass! That’s some fine ass. Look at that ass.
Black chick being followed: (into her phone) Hold on. (turns to man) Nigga, go away!
–Broadway & Lafayette
Overheard by: Ivan
Seven or eight-year-old boy: Daddy, who owns ESPN?
Dad: Disney.
Boy: The man or the place?
Dad: Well, actually, the corporation. They own lots of things. Like, they own the Disney Channel, and the History Channel, and Lifetime, and then they own Disneyworld, and the Disney movie studio, and…
Mom, with little sister in her lap: Oh, for crying out loud, enough.
Dad: . . .which makes The Little Mermaid and The Lion King, and The Lion King on Broadway, and they own ABC, too. And a bunch of publishing stuff.
Boy [after a beat]: What about ESPN2?
Dad: That, too.
Boy: All the ESPNs? All four?
Father: Yeah, now there’s some valuable intellectual property, huh?
–Fascati Pizza, Henry St., Brooklyn Heights
