Wednesday One-Liners Don't Count Anal

Girl on cell: I don't know what it is with me and virgins. I think I've collected like four virgin scalps.

–Q58 Bus

Overheard by: Tom

Cashier, screaming to friend cashier: But why do you have to tell everyone that he's the guy who popped my cherry?

–72nd & 1st

Overheard by: tomas

Ghetto girl: If you got finger-popped, you ain't no virgin.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Jake M

Teen boy on cell: Of course I don't have any kids! Girl, you know I'm pure–like water in Africa.

–Manhattan Ave & 123rd St.

Overheard by: CreativeBunny

Hispanic girl, loudly to a group of friends : I mean, I'm still a virgin and I have three STDs!

–Ave C

Posted on February 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Boys, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Foreplay, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Latinos, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, STDs, Street, Teens, Upper East Side, Vagina, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Much Wiser Not to Argue It

Cashier: I’m sorry, but weren’t you in that movie? With Kevin Costner?
Joan Allen: Yes, The Upside of Anger. Thanks.
Cashier: I knew it was you! Last time you was in here I kept staring ’cause I knew it was you — remember, I was staring at you? You was so good in that!
Joan Allen: Oh, thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it [pays and leaves].
Cashier to next lady in line: Yeah, last time she was in here I stared at her forever — she must have thought I was crazy.
Lady in line: What movie was she in?
Cashier: ‘The Other Side… of the Angel,’ with Kevin Costner! She was that lady!
Lady in line: I never saw that movie. I thought she was on Lost. I thought she was the lady on Lost — you know, the teacher.
Cashier: Nah, she was in that movie! ‘The Other Side of the Angel.’
Lady in line: The Upside of Anger?
Cashier: No! It’s called ‘The Other Side of the Angel,’ look it up!
Lady in line: Oh. Never seen it.

–Duane Reade, 94th & Broadway

Overheard by: Caro

Posted on February 14, 2015
A-List, Cashiers, Central Park, Movies

Oh, You Wanna Feel?

Female cashier about to ring up sandwich order: What do you have?
20-something guy: Subway club.
Female cashier, not looking at sandwich: What size?
20-something guy: Mine's 12 inches.
Girl behind in line, to friend: Yeah, I bet.

–Subway Restaurant

Overheard by: Nancy

Posted on February 8, 2015
Cashiers, Customers, Food, Height, Penis, Restaurants & Cafes

The Same Way That Circuit City Is a City

Ghetto cashier #1: Jersey…is that a city or a state?
Ghetto cashier #2 (after thinking for a while): A city.
Ghetto cashier #1: Okay, right, like Jersey City. That's what I thought.

–Duane Reade

Posted on February 6, 2015
Cashiers, Duane Reade, Questions, Stupidity, U.S. Geography

As Good as Phil Collins, But With a Human Head

Old lady: I just heard the concert in the park.
Checkout girl: Oh yeah, who was playing?
Old lady: The Philharmonic.
Checkout girl: Who?
Old lady: Philharmonic.
Checkout girl: Phil Harmonic? Was he good?

–Gristedes, 86th & Lex

Overheard by: lankyfool

Posted on January 12, 2015
Cashiers, Girls, Grocery Stores, Music, Old People, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Women

Even the Womb Doesn’t Want to Help Them

Cashier guy: Would you like to donate a dollar to the March of Dimes?
Girl: Uh, no thank you.
Cashier guy: Aw, poor preemies.

–K-mart, East 8th Street

Posted on December 31, 2014
Babies, Cashiers, Girls, Money & Class, Union Square and East Village

Like Chaka Khan

Cashier woman: Put that down! Will you put that down?!
Cafeteria aid, holding an issue of The Source: Why should I? This ain’t yours! You’re, like, fifty!
Cashier woman: Shit, you don’t know me. I might be a hip-hop granny.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: steve d.

Posted on December 22, 2014
Age/Aging, Cashiers, Hunter

And a Large Trash Bag, If You Have Any

Crazy Italian man to cashier: Fucking asshole! Where's my fucking money, fucking asshole?! You owe me money! She's German!
Cashier: Who?
Crazy Italian man: The German whore owes me $10,000! You'll be finding her body in the basement! That whore better watch out! I'm Italian and I know mafiosi from here to Beverly Hills! …I'll have a coffee to go…

–Europan Cafe, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: ryan and erin

Posted on December 20, 2014
Cashiers, Coffee, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Insults, Italians, Money & Class, Murder, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Must Be from Queens

Woman, texting: How do you pluralize "uterus"?

–TKTS Booth

Overheard by: DramaPirate

Kids entertainer, singing: Do you know what a co-creator is? To create is to make something, and when you co-create, you do it together…

–Kindergarten party, Williamsburg

Cashier with cookbook: It's got a table of continents so you can see what's in it!

–Department Store, 225th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Student: I just love adding "izzle" to the end of words.

–Metro-North

Coworker: UPS didn't have the tracking information at first, but then they found it… Good thing, because I was about to blow a casket.

–Fordham University

Posted on December 20, 2014
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cashiers, Coworkers, Fordham, One-liners, Private Parts, Questions, Sex, Singing, Store, Students, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women, Words

It’s Lunchtime, New York!

Black guy: I want pork fried rice with fried wonton, a shrimp roll, and wonton soup…Hey! Did you hear me?!
Counter lady: Yes, yes…pork spare ribs.

–Chinese takeout, Madison & Rutgers

Overheard by: Joe R

Posted on December 15, 2014
Black People, Cashiers, Chinese, Ethnic Food, Restaurants & Cafes

Cashiers