Teen girl: Don't you like how my bracelet matches my shirt?
Boyfriend: Are you serious? They don't match.
Teen girl: Yes they do! What's wrong with you?
Boyfriend: I'm color blind.
–L Train
Teen girl: Don't you like how my bracelet matches my shirt?
Boyfriend: Are you serious? They don't match.
Teen girl: Yes they do! What's wrong with you?
Boyfriend: I'm color blind.
–L Train
Girl: I need to get something for my boyfriend for valentine’s day. I’m thinking of some panties and an outfit from Victoria’s Secret. What do you think?
Boy: That’s nice. I like dirty panties. Hanes tighty whities for women. I like them real dirty and crusty lookin’, like she just rolled around in some shit.
Girl: You nasty! What’s wrong with you?
Boy: Don’t be hatin’, that’s what I like.
–R Train
Overheard by: Chris
Man on cell: The notebook is perfect and it also fits down my pants.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: I Love You Alex
Hipster girl: So, as I was tasting him… Oh! My pants just unbuttoned!
–W 12th St
Overheard by: Paige
Conductor: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is our last stop, Grand Central Station. Please make sure you have your purses, pants, makeup and fake eyebrows.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Meaghan
High school goomba on cell: He’s just mad because I’ve got my own style. Y’know, I decided what I wanted to be like — y’know, how I wanted to look — and went with it. Just wait until summer — he won’t be able to touch me. Yo, do you know how hard it is to find white pants in Staten Island if you’re a guy? I had to go to Brooklyn to get them!
–S48 bus, Staten Island
Overheard by: It’s not part of the uniform?
Girl on cell: Just pull your pants down and take it like a man!
–E 12th & 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Mistres Silver
Dude: Remember when that Turkish girl stuck her hands in my pants? I was like, ‘Hold on. You’re Muslim and I’m Texan — I don’t think this is gonna work.’
–Cheapshots
Overheard by: B
Man to lady: I need pants desperately. I can’t wait!
–32nd & Broadway
Son to father: Daddy, do they sell Spiderman clothes in here?
Father: No, I am pretty sure they don't sell Spiderman stuff in here.
Son: Yes they do!
–Victoria's Secret
Old man #1: I been walking around all day with a hole in my pants and didn't know it.
Old man #2: When did you figure it out?
Old man #1: When I sat on the seat on the train and one of my balls felt like I dipped it in a bowl of ice cream.
–DUMBO
Construction worker with Long Island accent: Man, I finally found Waldo the other day.
Construction worker #2: Yeah?
Construction worker with Long Island accent: Tall, striped shirt, weird shoes. And I was like, “there's Waldo!”
–2 Train
Overheard by: Waldo's alter-ego
Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.
–York & 72nd
Overheard by: fance
Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!
–Borders Bookstore, Midtown
Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.
–Train, Penn Station
Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?
–Stuyvesant High School
Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!
–1st & 7th
Overheard by: Phyllis Dean
Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I mean, I totally don’t get what your mom’s problem is. I mean, it covers your vagina!
–109th & CPW
Overheard by: Harris Mercer
NYU girl: I wore this to a party the other night, and I thought, ‘Slut, slut slut.’ But then I looked around…
–W 4th & MacDougal
Overheard by: Martin Johnson
Fat Caribbean woman to another: Oh, girls’ skirts today! My daughter — her skirt was so short you could see what she had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
–5 train
B&T girl to another: Now I have to go home and pick out an outfit to cheat on my boyfriend with for tomorrow night.
–14th & 9th
Overheard by: DocThomp
Teen girl on cell: … Something slutty. … What are you going to wear?
–Union Square Holiday Market
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Little boy: …and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off!
–Barnes & Noble ladies’ room, Union Square
Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram
Guy #1: Those pants are cute. Did you buy them with the paint on them?
Guy #2: No, I was painting last weekend.
–68th St Loews Theater
Overheard by: amalthya
