Clothing

Wednesday One-Liners Have the Rainbow Connection

Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.

–W 13th St

Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?

Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.

–4 Train

Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.

–Christopher St

Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.

–Times Square

11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.

–Bronx Playground

Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!

–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Ignore the Bloody Hand

Little old lady to little old hubby: Fuck you, Dick, I am not crossing against the light! I can’t do it. Fuck you!

–Houston & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Almost peed on myself from laughing

Little tourist to mom: We are jaywalking, yay!

–Outside Sak’s

Overheard by: also jaywalking

Guy on cell: … So it’s fucked up, nights in the city. Everyone jaywalks, and they all wear black… Shit, good point! Blacks! … Yeah, you get a black guy wearing black, jaywalking — that’s a perfect storm of trouble! … I dunno, but I bet it has something to do with why insurance is so high…

–Broadway & Bleecker

Two guys cross street on ‘Don’t walk’ signal as car is coming.

Traffic cop: Hit ’em! Hit ’em!

–35th & 5th

Overheard by: mike

Loud grandma tourist blocking crosswalk: What’s the matter with these people?! Why are they crossing the street? Can’t they see the ‘No crossing’ sign? Where do they think they’re going?

–Times Square

Tourist woman to crowd of pedestrians: No, don’t cross! Here comes the big red hand!

–51st & 5th

Overheard by: Micaela

And Naturally Combative.

Teen girl: Don't you like how my bracelet matches my shirt?
Boyfriend: Are you serious? They don't match.
Teen girl: Yes they do! What's wrong with you?
Boyfriend: I'm color blind.

–L Train

And You’re Not the Only One

Girl: I need to get something for my boyfriend for valentine’s day. I’m thinking of some panties and an outfit from Victoria’s Secret. What do you think?
Boy: That’s nice. I like dirty panties. Hanes tighty whities for women. I like them real dirty and crusty lookin’, like she just rolled around in some shit.
Girl: You nasty! What’s wrong with you?
Boy: Don’t be hatin’, that’s what I like.

–R Train

Overheard by: Chris

Wednesday One-Liners, a Worldwide Pants Production

Man on cell: The notebook is perfect and it also fits down my pants.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I Love You Alex

Hipster girl: So, as I was tasting him… Oh! My pants just unbuttoned!

–W 12th St

Overheard by: Paige

Conductor: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is our last stop, Grand Central Station. Please make sure you have your purses, pants, makeup and fake eyebrows.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Meaghan

High school goomba on cell: He’s just mad because I’ve got my own style. Y’know, I decided what I wanted to be like — y’know, how I wanted to look — and went with it. Just wait until summer — he won’t be able to touch me. Yo, do you know how hard it is to find white pants in Staten Island if you’re a guy? I had to go to Brooklyn to get them!

–S48 bus, Staten Island

Overheard by: It’s not part of the uniform?

Girl on cell: Just pull your pants down and take it like a man!

–E 12th & 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Mistres Silver

Dude: Remember when that Turkish girl stuck her hands in my pants? I was like, ‘Hold on. You’re Muslim and I’m Texan — I don’t think this is gonna work.’

–Cheapshots

Overheard by: B

Man to lady: I need pants desperately. I can’t wait!

–32nd & Broadway

Victoria's Most Well-Kept Secret

Son to father: Daddy, do they sell Spiderman clothes in here?
Father: No, I am pretty sure they don't sell Spiderman stuff in here.
Son: Yes they do!

–Victoria's Secret

…As I Used to Do, in My Youth.

Old man #1: I been walking around all day with a hole in my pants and didn't know it.
Old man #2: When did you figure it out?
Old man #1: When I sat on the seat on the train and one of my balls felt like I dipped it in a bowl of ice cream.

–DUMBO

And Then I Was Like, “Now What?”

Construction worker with Long Island accent: Man, I finally found Waldo the other day.
Construction worker #2: Yeah?
Construction worker with Long Island accent: Tall, striped shirt, weird shoes. And I was like, “there's Waldo!”

–2 Train

Overheard by: Waldo's alter-ego

Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.

–York & 72nd

Overheard by: fance

Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!

–Borders Bookstore, Midtown

Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.

–Train, Penn Station

Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?

–Stuyvesant High School

Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!

–1st & 7th

Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

The Public Immodesty of Wednesday One-Liners

Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I mean, I totally don’t get what your mom’s problem is. I mean, it covers your vagina!

–109th & CPW

Overheard by: Harris Mercer

NYU girl: I wore this to a party the other night, and I thought, ‘Slut, slut slut.’ But then I looked around…

–W 4th & MacDougal

Overheard by: Martin Johnson

Fat Caribbean woman to another: Oh, girls’ skirts today! My daughter — her skirt was so short you could see what she had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

–5 train

B&T girl to another: Now I have to go home and pick out an outfit to cheat on my boyfriend with for tomorrow night.

–14th & 9th

Overheard by: DocThomp

Teen girl on cell: … Something slutty. … What are you going to wear?

–Union Square Holiday Market

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

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