Wednesday Puts on Its One-Liners One Leg at a Time

Ghetto dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that money? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done.

–Broadway & 86th St

Girl to another: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tightest pants. Camel toe all the time.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Giancarlo

Annoying sober 20-something, returning from bathroom: God! I'm so sweaty, it made it really hard to pull my pants down.

–Diner, 3rd Ave

Teenage girl to another: He came here to do a concert. He probably doesn't want to hear you scream, "Take your pants off!"

–Battery Park

Posted on June 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Hair, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Singing, Sweat, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Lest the Secret Of Suspenders Be Revealed to Profane Ears

Old man wearing suspenders #1: That's a great pair of suspenders.
Old man wearing suspenders #2: Thanks. I had a heckuva time getting them.
Library security guard: Sir, please lower your voice.

–New York Public Library, 34th & Madison

Posted on June 12, 2015
Clothing, Compliments, Default, Etiquette, Library, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, Security Guards

What About Ankle Socks?

Neighbor #1: Do you have any socks?
Neighbor #2: Knee socks? Or any socks?
Neighbor #1: Do you have any socks?
Neighbor #2: No.
Neighbor #1: Do you have knee socks?
Neighbor #2: No.

–Wagner College Dorms, Staten Island

Posted on June 10, 2015
Clothing, College, Questions, Staten Island, Students, Stupidity

Good Point– Fuck Those Furry Little Bastards

Little guy to big guy wearing fur hat: You know, wearing fur is murder.
Big guy wearing fur hat: So is me pushing you off the train.

–A Train

Posted on June 10, 2015
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Default, Guys, Murder, On the Subway, Threats

She Works Magic with That Trunk–in the Kitchen

Magyar lady #1: See that woman over there? Why does a woman that big come out of the house?
Magyar lady #2: And that floral dress? She looks like an elephant!
Magyar lady #1: Oh look, the elephant is walking past again.
Magyar lady #2: Why don’t any of the elephant’s friends tell her how bad she looks?
Guy on next bench: If you ladies will excuse me, I’m off to go join my wife, the elephant.

Translated from the Hungarian.

–Fort Tryon Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on June 8, 2015
Animals & Nature, Beauty, Biotechs, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Foreigners, Insults, Parks

Though We Wouldn't Be Able to Charge As Much for Admission

Water polo boy #1: Entertain me!
Water polo boy #2: Dude, why don't we just naked wrestle! (pause) Or we could wrestle with clothes on?

–Edward's Parade, Fordham University

Posted on June 3, 2015
Athletes, Clothing, Fordham, Nudity, Offers and requests, Parades & Festitivites, Weirdness

Don’t Bogart the Wednesday One-Liners!

Flyer guy to tourist: Take it, take it, it’s free! But my weed is not. I’ll be right here until five.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Engi

Yuppie guy: Hey, you wanna buy a bong and get pierced?

–MacDougal & Bleecker

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Guy listening to iPod: Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed!

–183rd & Audubon Ave

Overheard by: BB

Black guy to another: All those niggas do is smoke weed and call ACS on each other!

–A train, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Dude every time she sees me she’s like, ‘O-M-G, you’re high.’ And I usually am, but like, I like to think I hide it well. But she always knows. And even so, I’m like, ‘Em, why do you have to comment on it every single time? At the dorms, at parties, even at Target one time!’ Hahaha… But anyway, we might come Thursday. I’ll see if my funds are in order to make the trip. What kind of shit would we have to wear? Beach stuff? Oooh, and I could rock my stunna shades.

–6 train

Guy outside MTV studios: Stay calm. Everything is going to be okay. There will be marijuana giveaways.

–1515 Broadway

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on June 3, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Default, Fears, Flyer people, Free stuff!, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, Race, Stoners, The Village, Time, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weed, Yuppies

Other Girls: Die, Tiny Skanks, Die!

Student #1: Oh, all the t-shirts are mediums.
Student #2: Well, that's okay, that just means they'll be really long. Like a dress!
Student #1: Oh my god, we could totally wear them as dresses, with like, tights and cowboy boots.
Student #2: We would.
Student #1: We so would.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: right behind them in line…

Posted on June 2, 2015
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Height, NYU, Shoes, Students

Cute, Cuter, Wednesday-One-Linest

Portly young woman browsing dress for herself, nonchalantly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it doesn't come in fat-ass-bitch size.

–Target, Brooklyn

20-something girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wanna punch you in the face!

–135th & 5th

Overheard by: Howzith

Middle-aged woman on cell exiting bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talking to the bus driver–he was really cute!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: B44 rider

Student fundraiser to passerby: Taiwan needs help! Hey, you're cute enough to help Taiwan!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter version of this bald guy I slept with in a closet over the summer!

–14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rob Lovett

Posted on May 31, 2015
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Gyms, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Punch, Sex, Shopping, Store, Strangers, Street, Students, The Village, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

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