I Wanna Dip My Wednesday One-Liners in It!

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.

–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.

–7 train

Overheard by: bronwyn

Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!

–8th Ave

Overheard by: finds it comforting

Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"

–E 85th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Jake R

Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.

–6th Ave & Bleecker

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Balls, Boys, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Insects, On the Subway, Stoners, Street, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time, Like Everyone Else

Woman to old lady: Put your shoes on so your pants don’t fall off.

–Ladies’ bathroom, Manhattan Mall

Guy: I wanna go to a zoo where all the animals are wearing pants.

–Prospect Park Zoo

Overheard by: Valerie Fasone

Tourist dad: Did you see that thing? It just went–Zip!–Right up his pant leg!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Stephen Distinti

Older man on cell: OK, let me know what Margot says and let me know if my pants are there.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Elise

Doctor to wife: I had a patient bleed on these pants today; should I wash them tonight?

–L Train

Overheard by: Jason

Suit #1 to suit #2: The first thing to come to my mind is: I have a girlfriend, she has a boyfriend, how can I get into her pants one last time?

–Downtown 4 train

Overheard by: Michael O’Connor

Teen girl on cell: So then he wanted me to go down on him and I said, "OK." He pulls down his pants, and let me tell you, girl, I could not stop laughing.

–Court & Atlantic, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Size always matters

Posted on July 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Before We Rejoin the Pod

Girl #1: How's this look? Does it make me look fat? Like super obese fat?
Girl #2: You are fat. So, uhhh…yeah, sorta.
Girl #1: Let's get some cupcakes.

–92nd & 3rd

Posted on July 2, 2015
Clothing, Diet/Weight, Girls, Junk Food & Fast Food, Physical appearance, Questions, Upper East Side

To Make Straight People Say “Fabulous”

Yuppie: I hate you. You totally made me buy this. It’s fabulous!
Sales queen: That’s why I’m gay.

–Saks Fifth Avenue

Overheard by: big spender

Posted on July 1, 2015
Clothing, Compliments, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Queer guys, Store, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Just Need to Walk It Off

Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!

–Gramercy

Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.

–L Train

Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.

–E Train

Overheard by: Pat

Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Say what?

Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?

–6 Train

Posted on June 29, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I Recommend You Go South for the Winter

Hobo: Yo man, it’s freezing outside! Can I get a shirt?
Teenager with suitcase: No, go away.
Hobo: Come on man, you probably got like ten shirts in there.
Teenager with suitcase: Listen to me bum, you’re already wearing ten shirts, you’re not getting a shirt.
Bum: My name’s Max.
Teenager with suitcase: I’m Peter.

–Penn Station

Posted on June 29, 2015
Clothing, Default, Hobos, Names, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weather

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cleanliness, Clerks, Clothing, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Physical appearance, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Even a Penny for Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: Anybody help me feed my stomach? No? I hope all you get home safe. And don’t burn your house down. And don’t smoke no crack.

–6 train

Overheard by: P. Von Kant

Hobo: I said I was hungry. Hungry. I can’t eat this bird-food shit! Why’d you give me this?

–9th St. & 2nd Ave

Hobo: Wanna see the real Zoo York? Bend over and I’ll show ya.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Dan Arcuri

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Fire, Food, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Wednesday One-Liners

If This Were a Movie, They'd Go on to Form This Season's Unlikeliest Friendship

Hobo to teen girl with an Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt: Fitch…Fitch… How can you wear a shirt like that? Multimillion dollars…when there's so many bigger problems? Stupid…stupid.
Girl: Um, excuse me?
Hobo: How much they pay you to wear that around?
Girl (with attitude): Four. Thousand. Dollars.
Hobo: I..
Girl (interrupting): An hour.
Hobo: Oh, okay, understandable.

–Central Park

Overheard by: heygirlhey

Posted on June 21, 2015
Central Park, Clothing, Hobos, Money & Class, Questions, Stupidity, Teens

In Days of Old, Just a Glimpse of Them Was Looked on As Something Shocking

American-born Indian guy with cream colored bell bottoms tucked in a paisley shirt: There's something about fob-y girls from Asia that is so sexy–they wear stockings.
Filipino American girls #1 and #2: Uhh, what?
American-born Indian guy: Yeah! There are studies that have been done on it, like by Duke University. It's like 20 pages long. Look it up.

–Prince & Elizabeth

Overheard by: based on what you're wearing, ONLY girls wearing stockings would find YOU sexy

Posted on June 20, 2015
Asians, Clothing, India Indians, Race, Science, Soho

Clothing