It’s Not You, It’s Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.

–Stone St.

Overheard by: Jen

Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?

–F Train

Overheard by: dianora

13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?

–Thompson Street, The Village

Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!

–8th St Park

Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!

–Outside the Frick Museum

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!

–E 4th Street

Overheard by: Nima Shirazi

Posted on November 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Free stuff!, Friends, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Shoes, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The Oft-Overlooked Up-Side of Meth Addiction

20-Something guy: You see, I don’t have that problem because I don’t have any of my teeth left.

–112th & Broadway

Posted on November 16, 2014
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Teabagging Will Be an Event in the 2008 Olympics

Guy looking like Steven Wozniak circa 1980s: Look at the size of this tea bag compared to the size of my cup.
Homely little house on the prairie girl: I swear my great aunt has the biggest tea bags known to man. You can soak those things for hours and they still won’t shrivel.

–Perch Diner

Overheard by: brandon the short texan tourist

Posted on November 15, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Food, Girls, Guys, Nice People, Restaurants & Cafes

See the Angels in the Architecture?

Hipster #1: Awwww! I never noticed it said “love” all over the cement!
Hipster #2: It doesn’t.
Hipster #1: Oh, I guess the shrooms kicked in.

–12th & 4th

Posted on November 14, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Hipsters, Straight Trippin', Union Square and East Village, Words

Brother, Can You Spare a Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl on cell, pacing outside of restaurant: What happened to you? It was so good to run into you, but you look like a homeless person!

–St. Mark's Place b/w Ave A & 1st Ave

Guy to young girl: I think the homeless guy on my block has real self-esteem issues.

–Astor Place

Manager to hobo: Jesus Christ, don't let me catch you here again! The Radisson is right around the corner!

–McDonald's

Power walking suit on phone: I know, I've never actually seen a female hobo before.

–Grand Central

Suit on cell: So like, she was homeless, right? But she look gooood!

–6th & 19th

Overheard by: Sanam Skelly

Woman at red table with water jug: Help the homeless! C'mon! They don't like dat shit!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Cracka Jack

Posted on November 13, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Grand Central, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Or the Whitest. I Can Never Remember Which.

Wasp guy: Kid Rock, Mark Wahlberg, and Eminem are my top three.
Friend: Your top three?
Wasp guy: Yeah, my top three celebs. Like, seriously, they're the coolest people ever.

–L Train

Posted on November 13, 2014
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Music, On the Subway, Race, White People

Explain How

Black girl: Would you look at that white cracka?
Lighter-skinned black girl: Bitch, you could be just as white as I am because you don't even know who your daddy is.

–Times Square

Posted on November 12, 2014
Black People, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Insults, Parents, Race, Times Square

Or in Your Case, Like Buying Skincare Products

Metro male #1: I was gonna stop smoking…again… But when I take Adderall I smoke a lot more.
Metro male #2: What's it like?
Metro male #1: Adderall?
Metro male #2: Yeah.
Metro male #1: It's like being at a bar, drunk, hitting on girls.
Metro male #2: What?

–Spring & Broadway

Overheard by: David Last