Tourist: Huh, I could have sworn he'd be here!
Cop, looking around: Can I help you, miss?
Tourist: Yeah, I'm looking for a guy.
Cop: Okay?
Tourist: Should be wearing tighty whities…cowboy hat.
(cop sighs, pointing to his left)
Tourist: Thanks!
–Times Square
Cop: You can't go this way.
Driver: Shut the fuck up, asshole.
Cop: Tell it to your wife, buddy.
–17th & 2nd
Slightly crazy woman: Am I going in the right direction to get to 7th Street?
Cop: What?
Slightly crazy woman: Am I going in the right direction to go to 7th Street?
Cop: Where are you coming from?
Slightly crazy woman: I'm coming from jail!
–Mulberry & Worth
(day after steam pipe break)
Cop without respiratory mask to cop wearing respiratory mask: Hey…take that off. If you're going to catch anything, you already caught it.
Cop with mask (as he takes it off): Yeah, from your mom!
–Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: cat
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: No, you wanna be a police officer.
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Superman's not real.
Four-year-old: They say I can be whateva I want, I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Oh, I'm sorry lil' man. You Superman.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Chris K
Female baggage handler to male colleague: I don't drink tequila no more. That's how I got my first kid.
–LaGuardia Airport
Very impressed girl on cell: Whoa! You actually remembered her name this time? Were you not drunk?
–12th St & University Place
Overheard by: Mr. Hedge
Seemingly sober grad student: Let's face it. We'll be drunk in (checks watch) fifteen minutes.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
NYC police officer: How hard can it be to find a drunk person on this floor?
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Vanessa
Girl with drink, to friends: This will have to be my last one, guys, I have to go babysit.
–Greenwich Ave & Charles Street
Overheard by: Jodi
Conspiracy theorist: The government knows everything these days. The goddamn E-ZPass knows when I'm going to be intimate.
–Sly Fox Bar
Overheard by: Cait O'Connor
Dude on cell (angrily): You should not be paying that much for oil, man… No, we are not going to run out of oil anytime soon! Don't you know that there are X-ray satellites all around the Earth, and they know the location of all the oil, natural gas, and aluminum under the ground? We can do that, because we have the satellite technology!
–Bronx 2 Train
Elderly man seeing another with cochlear implant: Wow… now they re talking to your brain!
–Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: michael
Drunk hobo on R train: I never met a woman that wasn't a federal agent. You can't trust women. Women are like computers. Never trust a machine that can think.
–R Train
High school girl: You know what I just found out? Those crop circles are real! I didn't know that! And if you take an electronic device down there to video tape them, it will explode.
–Wendy's
Guy #1: Can't believe there are so many cops out.
Guy #2: It's probably because of the 4th of July, you know, security threats, terrorism.
Drunk girl (shouts, pumps fist in the air): Oh yeah, terrorism!
Guy #2: Can you not do that 10 feet from those cops?!
Drunk girl: What, who cares? I'm white. It's ironic!
–W. 43rd & Broadway
Teen: Excuse me officer, do you guys still do that thing where you get a grand for turning in people with guns?
Cop: Yeah, if they are arrested and are in possession of illegal firearms.
Teen: So, is that like a grand per head kinda deal?
Officer: I don't think so, no.
Teen: Oh…I don't know shit. (walks away)
–Columbus Circle Station
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Female African American police officer: Don’t you remember I was the one who kicked you out of Yankee stadium?
Hobo: I don’t recall this. I don’t recall this.
Female African American police officer: Yep. It was me. I kicked your ass, I did.
–Avenue Q
Overheard by: innocent bystander
