Wednesday One-Liners for Kendra

Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!

–Chrystie & Housten

Overheard by: Probably True…

Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Would the street be safer?

Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.

–Duane Reade

Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Katface

Posted on July 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Customers, Duane Reade, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Parents, Smokers & Smoking, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

It Turned Out Just to Be a Pepperoni-shaped Sore

Crazy lady: Can I taste that pizza?
Whole Foods employee: No, you're only allowed one sample, and I already gave you one.
Crazy lady: No, you didn't!
Employee: Yes I did, I can see it in your mouth!
Guy in line: Gross.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Posted on July 8, 2015
Body Parts, Clerks, Crazies, Customers, Offers and requests, Pizza, Union Square and East Village, Whole Foods

We Also Would Have Accepted “My Pants!”

Woman looking over jewelry on sidewalk table: Where are these necklaces from?
Seller: Wherever you want them to be from, baby.

–5th Ave & 52nd St

Posted on July 5, 2015
Customers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Shopping, Vendors & Street Performers

You Speak English Beautifully

Woman: I'm from Utah.
Fruit vendor: Utah!? I've never even heard of anybody from Utah!

–Union Square Farmers Market

Overheard by: I've *heard* of them, but I don't believe in them

Posted on July 5, 2015
Customers, Default, Grocery Stores, Southerners, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

She Also Sorted the Alpha-Bits Incorrectly

Lady: …and a half-pound of roasted brussels sprouts with peas.
Counter guy: Those are actually pearl onions, ma’am.
Lady: Well, the sign says peas.
Counter guy: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but the person who made that sign is an idiot…No really, that’s her over there. Complete dipshit.

–Gourmet Garage, 7th Avenue

Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd

Posted on June 22, 2015
Customers, Food, Grocery Stores, Guys, Insults, Shopping, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

Oh, and the University!

Man: So, what's your name?
Waitress: Jessica.
Man: Well, hello Jessica! I'm Brown.
Waitress: (nods head uninterested)
Man: Like the bear.
Waitress:(walks away)

–Bar, 34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: MMM

Posted on June 20, 2015
Animals & Nature, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Pick-up Lines, Questions

It’s a Trap! Buy the Schopenhauer!

Guy: Hey, I’m lookin’ for a book.
Lady behind the counter: Um, okay. Did you have any particular one in mind?
Guy, laughing: No. Hell no. I don’t fuckin’ read. I’m just lookin’ for something I can take over to Central Park so I can get hit on by chicks who think I’m smart and shit.
Lady behind counter: Try Nietzsche.

–Barnes & Noble, Broadway between 82nd & 83rd

Posted on June 20, 2015
Books & Writing, Clerks, Customers, Philosophy, Store, Stupidity

Highest Maintenance

Anal Man: I want a grilled chicken wrap. But I don’t want cheese and I want a little bit of dressing on the bread as you’re making it. Some places don’t put dressing.
Cashier: We don’t put dressing here.
Anal Man: Just a bit of dressing. Not too much.
Cashier: Do you want the combo?
Anal Man: No!

–Ranch 1, Union Square

Posted on June 18, 2015
Cashiers, Customers, Food, Restaurants & Cafes

Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas

Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too?

–Starbucks, Staten Island

Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia

Posted on June 18, 2015
Apologies, Baristas, Colors, Customers, Drinks, Fruit, Questions, Starbucks, Staten Island, Stupidity

I'm Holding Her Purse, So Her Hands Are Free

Woman shopper to husband: Where's your spirit?
Husband: My spirit is broken.
Woman shopper : So you're saying I broke your spirit?
Husband to another lady shopping: It's okay, you can high-five her!

–Macy's

Posted on June 14, 2015
Couples, Customers, Questions, Relationships, Store, Women

Customers