Little boy, pointing to staircase leading to basement: Daddy, what's downstairs?
Dad: Hell.
–Clothing Store, NoHo
Little boy, pointing to staircase leading to basement: Daddy, what's downstairs?
Dad: Hell.
–Clothing Store, NoHo
Mother to seven-year-old daughter: We take the A to 168th Street and then the 1 to 231st.
Daughter: Ah! Don't you just love travel!
–Uptown A Train
Woman on cell: That's why I moved to Brooklyn: I hate people!
–Carrol Gardens
Overheard by: Smegma
Man on cell: No, no, no! You go to Brooklyn and suck that sweet white dick for free!
–35th & 8th
Brooklyn guy to date: I would walk all over Brooklyn for you! I would even walk all over Queens for you, you're so sweet!
–Tonio's Restaurant, 7th & 8th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Train conductor: Because of a sick passenger at Clark Street, some of us may not be making it to Brooklyn…I'll let you know.
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: D-Law
Conductor: This is York Street, the first stop in beautiful Brooklyn…yay!
–F Train
Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Alice
Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!
–44th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: would never buy that shit
NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!
–8th & Broadway
Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)
–Union Square
Overheard by: Glad I had a map
Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.
–51 & Lexington
Overheard by: Miriam
Conductor: Next stop, 81st Street, Museum of Natural History.
Mom to young son: Okay, sweetie, this is our stop for the museum.
Six-year-old boy: But mom, I wanna go to Central Park instead!
Hobo: Listen to your mother, boy! Go the museum. Git yerself some edjumicate… Edjcation…go learn something!
Six-year-old boy: Mommy, what did he say?
Mom: He said, “don't be fucking stupid.” Let's go.
–C Train
Overheard by: Davis Baker
Guy: So it's like a waterfall with a bunch of nozzles, and as the drops fall, it creates a picture.
Girl: That's cool! So, which way does the water fall?
Guy: Down, I think.
–Gershwin Theatre
Overheard by: Dominic A.
Dude with headphones on: How the fuck did Britney Spears get on my iPod?
–13th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Alice
Bus driver: Next stop, 47th Street. And to the asshole who has his iPod on too loud, turn it down or I'll throw you the fuck off.
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Turned mine off immediately
White girl: It was like Hanukkah on my iPod yesterday! It said there was no battery left but it lasted for two hours!
–Bayside, Queens
Overheard by: Alexandra
Dad to girl: If you can just get over being a pissy girl, you get a free iPod Touch.
–23rd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jill Twiss
Really stoned girl, looking at iTunes latest releases: iFart mobile? Do they really have that for sale? iPhone can fart now? (pause) Is there anything an Apple device can't do?
–Bayside, Queens
Man playing electric guitar on subway: I take Mexican money, I take umbrellas. I take whatever you got. I have three kids at home who need iPods.
–2 Train
Overheard by: res
Woman: We're going downtown, but north towards the city.
Tourist mother (gawking): What are you talking about?
Tourist little boy (tugging on her pants): Mommy, Brooklyn is upside down!
–F Train
Tourist looking at a subway map, drawing a line with his finger: Where does this train go?
New Yorker : Exactly where you just pointed.
–B Train
Conductor #1: We are sorry for the delay, there is a stalled e train at 7th Avenue. We will be going uptown on the…uhm…which line are we going on?
Conductor #2 (exasperated): I have no fucking clue.
(train laughs)
–E Train
Overheard by: So how am i getting home?
