Wednesday One-Liners Make Digital Records Of Their Humiliation

Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Alice

Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!

–44th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: would never buy that shit

NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!

–8th & Broadway

Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)

–Union Square

Overheard by: Glad I had a map

Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.

–51 & Lexington

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Directions, Families, Friends, Girls, Insults, Knock-Offs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Only in New York, Punks, Smegma, Stoners, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

She Pays Hobos by the Hour, to Reinforce Her Dicta

Conductor: Next stop, 81st Street, Museum of Natural History.
Mom to young son: Okay, sweetie, this is our stop for the museum.
Six-year-old boy: But mom, I wanna go to Central Park instead!
Hobo: Listen to your mother, boy! Go the museum. Git yerself some edjumicate… Edjcation…go learn something!
Six-year-old boy: Mommy, what did he say?
Mom: He said, “don't be fucking stupid.” Let's go.

–C Train

Overheard by: Davis Baker

Posted on February 9, 2009
Conductors, Directions, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness, Words

In My Day, We Had to Drop Acid and Stand in the Shower to Get This Effect

Guy: So it's like a waterfall with a bunch of nozzles, and as the drops fall, it creates a picture.
Girl: That's cool! So, which way does the water fall?
Guy: Down, I think.

–Gershwin Theatre

Overheard by: Dominic A.

Posted on February 8, 2009
Directions, Girls, Guys, Pictures, Questions, Theater

Whatever You Do, Don't Drop Your Wednesday One-Liner in the Toilet

Dude with headphones on: How the fuck did Britney Spears get on my iPod?

–13th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Alice

Bus driver: Next stop, 47th Street. And to the asshole who has his iPod on too loud, turn it down or I'll throw you the fuck off.

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Turned mine off immediately

White girl: It was like Hanukkah on my iPod yesterday! It said there was no battery left but it lasted for two hours!

–Bayside, Queens

Overheard by: Alexandra

Dad to girl: If you can just get over being a pissy girl, you get a free iPod Touch.

–23rd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Jill Twiss

Really stoned girl, looking at iTunes latest releases: iFart mobile? Do they really have that for sale? iPhone can fart now? (pause) Is there anything an Apple device can't do?

–Bayside, Queens

Man playing electric guitar on subway: I take Mexican money, I take umbrellas. I take whatever you got. I have three kids at home who need iPods.

–2 Train

Overheard by: res

Posted on February 4, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Dads, Directions, Farting & Burping, For Sale, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, Insults, iPod, Judaism, Kids, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Stoners, The Village, Threats, Time, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

On So Many Different Levels

Woman: We're going downtown, but north towards the city.
Tourist mother (gawking): What are you talking about?
Tourist little boy (tugging on her pants): Mommy, Brooklyn is upside down!

–F Train

Posted on February 3, 2009
Directions, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Tourism, Tourists, Weirdness, Women

Who Says New Yorkers Are Unhelpful?

Tourist looking at a subway map, drawing a line with his finger: Where does this train go?
New Yorker : Exactly where you just pointed.

–B Train

Posted on January 30, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Directions, On the Subway, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Tourism, Tourists

I Thought This Was a Bus

Conductor #1: We are sorry for the delay, there is a stalled e train at 7th Avenue. We will be going uptown on the…uhm…which line are we going on?
Conductor #2 (exasperated): I have no fucking clue.
(train laughs)

–E Train

Overheard by: So how am i getting home?

Posted on January 17, 2009
Apologies, Conductors, Directions, Insults, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions

Half of Whom Think It'll Take Them to the Sandwich Shop

Man to tourist who has just pushed the “subway” button on elevator: That button doesn't work.
Tourist: Really?
Man: Yeah, you have to go to the main level and take an escalator.
Tourist: Oh. Then why is that button even there?
Man: To confuse tourists.

–Port Authority

Posted on January 17, 2009
Directions, Elevators, Men, Port Authority, Questions, Tourism, Tourists

For the Rest of Her Life She'll Tell the Story of the Day She Almost Went to the East Village

(well-dressed woman gets on downtown train at 34th Street, and gets agitated upon realizing it's not an uptown train)
Guy to well-dressed woman: The Upper East Side is the other way!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Marcus

Posted on January 16, 2009
Directions, Guys, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

Sure, If You Want To Be All Empirical Like That

Tall guy: Sure, no problem. I'll drive you guys, do you know how to get there from here?
Blond chick: Yeah, you can take the tunnel or the 59th Street bridge, which is free. Do you know how to get to the 59th Street bridge?
Tall guy: Um, yeah…take 59th Street?!

–Lincoln Center

Posted on January 3, 2009
Cars and Driving, Directions, Girls, Guys, Questions, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Directions