Every Artist Has His Own Medium

Drunk black guy #1: That’s when I started cooking with weed. The Jamaicans told me you can cook with it.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black guy #1: I made chicken soup with that shit. I had soupy chicken weed. I was high as fuck.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black woman: You ever had weed fishcakes? Weed fishcakes. I make that shit.
Drunk black guy #2: Fishcakes?
Drunk black woman: And pork fried weed.
Drunk black guy #1: I want to come to your parties. You creative.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey

Posted on July 28, 2008
Advice, Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Food, Guys, On the Subway, Weed, Women

And Please Refrain from the Arsenio Fist-Pound

Drunk hobo #1 (in response to young person playing the guitar): Woohoo!
Drunk hobo #2: Why do you always have to be like that? It’s woo… hoo… Not woohoo!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on July 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drunks, Hobos, Washington Square Park, Words

Drink Deep, or Taste Not the Wednesday One-Liners!

Fabulous woman: That’s all vodka under the bridge.

–55 Bar

Overheard by: Girl Margaret

Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we’re not talking about your school–we’re talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don’t even know the flavor.

–C Train

Drunk girl, accidentally taking swig of vodka instead of water: This wetness is spicy!

–Bergen St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gnomies

Skinny teen: I wish they made diet water.

–Times Square

JAP: I’d like a Pellegrino.

–Hooters

Middle-aged suit yelling into cell: No- I want to see you drink the bong water!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Me Too…

Posted on July 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Girls, JAPs, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Skinny People, Suits, Teens, Times Square, West Village, Women

…Now That She’s Pregnant

Drunk girl #1: How is Beth* doing?
Drunk girl #2: Oh, she’s doing great. Very centered and serious… She only does a couple of drugs.

–Phoenix Park, 67th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Posted on July 10, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drugs, Drunks, Girls, Questions, Upper East Side

Then She Barks at Me and Pees on the Cardboard

Very drunk, seemingly homeless man with cane (to entire car): Merry Christmas, happy Hannukah, everyone!
(everyone in car stares)
Drunk man: I’m not homeless, I’m just very drunk. I got a woman at home who ain’t got no job and I keep telling her, bitch, get outta my house and get a job!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Melissa Sills

Posted on July 5, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Holidays, Jobs & Careers, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Relationships

See Wednesday One-Liners Run. Run, Wednesday One-Liners, Run

Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: John-Boy

Man to friend: Ya know I’ve touched both your dick and your brother’s dick… and his is much bigger.

–44th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: bigstoopit

20-something guy: I’ve just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.

–1 Train

Overheard by: drew

Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter’s dick in my mouth. I didn’t see it, I don’t even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it’s not important!

–Greenwich Ave

Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I’d suck the Jolly Green Giant’s dick, I don’t care if it did break my jaw.

–MacDougal St

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, Sexuality, Shopping, The Village, West Village

Wednesdays and the One-Liners Who Hate Them

Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.

–Something Else, Park Slope

Overheard by: jayloo

White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.

–W 57th & 11th

Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.

–Astoria-Bound N Train

Overheard by: Ben

Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.

–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope

Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.

–Port Washington Train

Posted on June 25, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Relationships, Sex, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, White People

Good–Then You’ve Passed the Test

Super-drunk girl to girlfriend: Let’s make out!
Not-so-drunk girl: (awkward laughter)
Super-drunk girl: (loud drunken laughter) Wanna make out?
Not-so-drunk girl: Not at all!

–1st Ave b/w 7th & 8th

Posted on June 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drunks, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Offers and requests, Questions, Sexuality, Union Square and East Village

“So That’s What I Ate for Wednesday One-Liner.”

Skinny, attractive 20-something: Yeah, that’s totally my plan: Get completely smashed every night, eat tons of eggs, then barf them all up.

–E. 84th b/w 1st & York

Overheard by: Holds her Liquor (and her eggs)

Woman in bus on cell: George? George, you there? Oh okay, I’m on my way to the shrink’s office so I can only talk for a little while. Oh no, I’m still not feeling better, I was up all night vomiting like crazy and I’m still ridiculously gassy. Good lord, I should go to a doctor because I also have constant diarrhea. Oh George…

–M66 Bus

Overheard by: Stephanie

Drunk guy: It was incredible. He puked and then he just disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was like the Criss Angel of puking.

–Outside Lombardi’s

Overheard by: Rich

Girl stumbling back from the bathroom: You guys, we have to leave because I threw up all over the floor and someone saw me.

–Horus

NYU undergrad: So we were going to have an intervention for her, but when we went to her room, she wasn’t there. So instead we wrote on her laptop, "I’m a douche, I drink too much and throw up."

–8th & University

Posted on June 18, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anorexic, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Etiquette, Food, Girls, Guys, Laptop, Little Italy, On Cell, On the Bus, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Skinny People, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vomit, Weirdness, Women

Ever Played “Adult” Double Dare?

Drunk girl: That sucks that Souljah Boy is getting sued. His song is really good.
Drunk guy: Are you serious? Do you know what “Superman” means?
Drunk girl: Yeah, it means you ejaculate on someone’s back and stick the bed sheet to it. Like a Superman cape.
Drunk guy: Ok, but do you know what “Spiderman” means?
Drunk girl: No.
Drunk guy: It means you cum in your hand and throw it at the chick in a big blob!
Drunk girl: Ewww, like Nickelodeon Gak!

–House Party, Bronx

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on June 15, 2008
Cum, Default, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Music, Superheroes, The Bronx, TV, Words

Drunks