There's So Much That We Share That It's Time We're Aware, It's a Small Wednesday One-Liner After All

Drunk guy to foreign friend: So basically everyone in the US is either Irish, Italian, or German…but there are a lot of Puerto Ricans in my neighborhood.

–L Train

Overheard by: bildita

Rockabilly-styled hipster on cell: Just take your cheap Jewish ass back to Korea Town!

–St. Mark's Place

Tourist: There are so many Chinese in this city and they all speak fucking Spanish! It blows my mind!

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Girl on cell: So I may be a Siamese twin…

–57th & 10th

Overheard by: evil em

Woman exiting a Subway restaurant: I feel like I just ate a Mexican immigrant.

–56th & 10th Ave

Overheard by: A Mexican

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Judaism, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

You Know That's Not Technically What Happens When You Go to Australia, Right?

Drunk girl #1: So how are you feeling?
Drunk girl #2: A little disoriented…I've been upside down for awhile.

–Bathroom, John St. Bar

Overheard by: Jillian

Posted on September 1, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Psychology, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Stall Spies

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man: So I was making out with my ex girlfriend on the bridge and out of nowhere this dog runs over and starts humping my leg…

–Uptown 1 Train

Dude outside bar: All dogs are gay.

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: The Katie

Black man arguing with kiosk man: Yo, he ain't my son, he's my dog!

–6th Street

Middle-aged woman walking her dog to passersby: I'm a dog! I don't know why none of you believe me! I talk to my dog. Humans don't talk to animals, animals talk to animals! I'm not human! And until you people realize that, you're going to keep having problems with me!

–9th St & University Place

Overheard by: Katie

Drunk guy to girls walking puppy: Hey giiirl. Watch yo dawg. Giiirl! Watch yo dog… Cuz I might bite!

–Staten Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Izzy

(teacher's cell rings)
Teacher: I have a feeling I have to answer this. It's very important. It's about my puppy.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: student

Posted on August 27, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Crazies, Crazy, Customers, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, On the Subway, Park Slope, Sexuality, Staten Island, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, We Love Our Pets, Women

A Gaggle Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.

–14th & 2nd

Overheard by: LIZ

Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference?

–Biddy Early's Pub

Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!

–3 Train

Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?

–Times Square

Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.

–92nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Mad Man

Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.

–Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Library, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People, Words

Can I See It for a Nickel?

Sketchy guy: How does it feel to be the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Drunk chick: I have a dickel.

–Landsdowne, 43rd & 10th

Posted on August 25, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Creepsters, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes

There Are So Few of Us in the City

Girl on cell: I am trashed… Well, actually, I'm drunk.
Passer-by: Hey, me too!

–6th St & Avenue B

Posted on August 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, On Cell, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

Some First Dates Go Better Than Others

Drunk chick: Come on, run with me…please.
Guy: No.
Drunk chick: I'm running.
Guy: Don't.
Drunk chick: This is me drunk, if you can't handle this you can't marry me!

–8th Ave & 31st St

Posted on August 23, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Offers and requests, Relationships

Yo Quiero Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Alex and Colin

Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.

–Cooper Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco… en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic… Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.

–Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st

Overheard by: HJWC

Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!

–30 Rock

Overheard by: Micky

Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.

–Bryant Park

Posted on August 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Business and Commerce, Drunks, Education, Fat People, Fears, Fordham, Gender issues, Jews, Languages, Latinos, Men, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Restaurants & Cafes, Rockefeller Center, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Talk Here. It Isn't Safe

Conspiracy theorist: The government knows everything these days. The goddamn E-ZPass knows when I'm going to be intimate.

–Sly Fox Bar

Overheard by: Cait O'Connor

Dude on cell (angrily): You should not be paying that much for oil, man… No, we are not going to run out of oil anytime soon! Don't you know that there are X-ray satellites all around the Earth, and they know the location of all the oil, natural gas, and aluminum under the ground? We can do that, because we have the satellite technology!

–Bronx 2 Train

Elderly man seeing another with cochlear implant: Wow… now they re talking to your brain!

–Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: michael

Drunk hobo on R train: I never met a woman that wasn't a federal agent. You can't trust women. Women are like computers. Never trust a machine that can think.

–R Train

High school girl: You know what I just found out? Those crop circles are real! I didn't know that! And if you take an electronic device down there to video tape them, it will explode.

–Wendy's

Posted on August 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Buildings, Central Park, Cops, Drunks, Gender issues, Girls, Government, Guys, Hobos, Men, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Teens, The Bronx

Is It Fair That White People Monopolize All the Irony? Discuss

Guy #1: Can't believe there are so many cops out.
Guy #2: It's probably because of the 4th of July, you know, security threats, terrorism.
Drunk girl (shouts, pumps fist in the air): Oh yeah, terrorism!
Guy #2: Can you not do that 10 feet from those cops?!
Drunk girl: What, who cares? I'm white. It's ironic!

–W. 43rd & Broadway

Posted on August 14, 2008
Cops, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Race, Terrorism, Threats, White People

Drunks