Sketchy guy: How does it feel to be the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Drunk chick: I have a dickel.
–Landsdowne, 43rd & 10th
Sketchy guy: How does it feel to be the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Drunk chick: I have a dickel.
–Landsdowne, 43rd & 10th
Girl on cell: I am trashed… Well, actually, I'm drunk.
Passer-by: Hey, me too!
–6th St & Avenue B
Drunk chick: Come on, run with me…please.
Guy: No.
Drunk chick: I'm running.
Guy: Don't.
Drunk chick: This is me drunk, if you can't handle this you can't marry me!
–8th Ave & 31st St
Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Alex and Colin
Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.
–Cooper Park, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco… en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic… Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.
–Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st
Overheard by: HJWC
Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!
–30 Rock
Overheard by: Micky
Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.
–Bryant Park
Conspiracy theorist: The government knows everything these days. The goddamn E-ZPass knows when I'm going to be intimate.
–Sly Fox Bar
Overheard by: Cait O'Connor
Dude on cell (angrily): You should not be paying that much for oil, man… No, we are not going to run out of oil anytime soon! Don't you know that there are X-ray satellites all around the Earth, and they know the location of all the oil, natural gas, and aluminum under the ground? We can do that, because we have the satellite technology!
–Bronx 2 Train
Elderly man seeing another with cochlear implant: Wow… now they re talking to your brain!
–Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: michael
Drunk hobo on R train: I never met a woman that wasn't a federal agent. You can't trust women. Women are like computers. Never trust a machine that can think.
–R Train
High school girl: You know what I just found out? Those crop circles are real! I didn't know that! And if you take an electronic device down there to video tape them, it will explode.
–Wendy's
Guy #1: Can't believe there are so many cops out.
Guy #2: It's probably because of the 4th of July, you know, security threats, terrorism.
Drunk girl (shouts, pumps fist in the air): Oh yeah, terrorism!
Guy #2: Can you not do that 10 feet from those cops?!
Drunk girl: What, who cares? I'm white. It's ironic!
–W. 43rd & Broadway
Drunk guy to friend: Everybody knows that if you're a Boy Scout in the Midwest, you're a fucking asshole.
Friend: I know.
–43rd St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Joey
(drunk guy attempts to do a split in the middle of the train car)
Woman: Oh wow, that's much better than I could've done.
Drunk guy: I will kill you.
–R Train
Overheard by: jangbang
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god! Getting married is like playing house! It sucks!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah! I never want to get married or have kids. I have too many mental illnesses to pass along.
–L Train
ER doctor to bloody man with legs strapped to gurney: So, what’s going on here?
Patient: I’m a drunk.
–Bellevue Emergency Treatment Room
Overheard by: judith currin
