Shade-Grown, Slow-Roasted Wednesday One-Liners

Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee."

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: TINA

Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores!

–Duane Reade

Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon?

–PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Torgo61

Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee!

–Arthur Avenue

Overheard by: eternal student

Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup.

–Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St

Posted on August 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Guys, India Indians, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, One-liners, Penis, Poop, Questions, School, Sensory Experiences, Shopping, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Thugs, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

You’ll Never Get to Do It if You Warn Her!

Guy on cell: I’m going to kill you, and it’s going to hurt. You know that, right?…I’m not talking shit!

–Duane Reade, 44th & 5th

Posted on July 10, 2014
Death, Duane Reade, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners: Glug Glug Glug, Ahh!

NYU student to another: I haven't been drinking as much since I turned 21.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Rogelio

College girl to friend: I wasn't drunk, I was just cheerful.

–Canal St & Mott St

20-something girl on cell: He was drunk and fucking his demon ex-girlfriend.

–181 & Ft. Washington

Guy in dirty army clothes to another: I was still drunk, thank god Dunkin' Donuts was open.

–D Train

Middle aged guy on cell: That's what happens when you drink, motherfucker! You can't remember shit!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Aron

Posted on January 26, 2011
Age/Aging, Drinking & Drunk People, Duane Reade, Little Italy, Manhattan, Sex, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Without Peer Pressure, the Fashion Industry Would Soon Collapse

Girl #1: I kind of just wanna wear what I wore last night.
Girl #2: I mean, we didn't take any pictures.
Girls standing nearby: Dirtyyyyyyyyy.

–Duane Reade

Posted on August 24, 2010
Clothing, Duane Reade, Girls, Pictures, Strangers, Wishes & desires

“Bigger Breasts for Everyone!” Fared Poorly During Test Marketing

Tourist #1: Do you know what Edamame means?
Tourist #2: No!
Tourist #1: It's just a made-up fancy word for “soy bean” so people would buy it.

–Duade Reade

Overheard by: Sara

Posted on July 16, 2010
Duane Reade, Food, Tourists, Words

Neo, What Do You Think?

Cashier: Do you have a Duane Reade card?
Girl, fishing through purse: Yeah… Where are we, Duane Reade?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Guy next in line

Posted on June 25, 2010
Cashiers, Customers, Duane Reade, Questions, Shopping

It's Called “Crabs”

Checkout guy: I want to get laid too.
Drunk blonde: It's okay. I already got laid. Do you think you can pass lays? Like transfer them?

–Duane Reade, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: maggie

Posted on June 1, 2010
Clerks, Drunks, Duane Reade, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Sex, Wishes & desires

Watch Wednesday One-Liners' Noses Grow!

Chubby Midwestern woman on cell: Yeah, I'm at Saks Fifth Avenue right now.

–Burger King

Overheard by: willy cheesesteak

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm heading west on 23rd.

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Angela

Suit on cell, pacing around fountain: Yeah, baby I'm so sick, I could barely get out of bed this morning, I dragged myself to the kitchen. Didn't go to work or anything. Yeah, I think I'm just going to try to sleep it off, tonight. Guess dinner's off, sorry.

–Central Park Fountain

Overheard by: Knows Suits on cells are always lying

Man on cell, entering subway station: Yeah, I'm going to my limousine now, I'll talk to you later.

–Subway, 66th & Broadway

Dude in hoodie on cell, exiting subway: No, baby, I can't–I'm in Manhattan. No, I'm in Manhattan!

–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge

Man in jeans purchasing Doritos, on cell: Dude, I can't talk right now, I'm running in the marathon. Call you back in a few hours?

–Duane Reade, 87th & York

Overheard by: Upper East Sider

Posted on April 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Duane Reade, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Men, Midwesterners, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Sports, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

She's Still Pissed About How Small His Role Was in Chocolat

Elderly lady, seeing cover of People magazine: “Johnny Depp, sexiest man alive”? I don't care. Who cares? (to cashier) Do you care?
Cashier: I don't care.
Elderly lady: His mother might care.

–Duane Reade

Posted on March 2, 2010
About Celebrities, Beauty, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Old People, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Women

I Think I've Seen This MTV Reality Show…

Teenage girl: I'm never fucking talking to her again, she ruined my sweet sixteen!
Teenage boy: Do you… do you want me to punch her in the face?

–Duane Reade, Columbus Circle

Posted on January 30, 2010
Age/Aging, Anger Management, Duane Reade, Offers and requests, Punch, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center