Lady suit: I can’t keep coming here to get my prescription filled. They’re beginning to recognize me.
Suit: So what?
Lady suit: So, what if I get in trouble?
Suit: Why would you get in trouble? You have a prescription from a doctor.
Lady suit: If you say so. Oh, shit, I forgot to put the date on this.
–Duane Reade, 89th & Columbus
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Ghetto cashier #1: Jersey…is that a city or a state?
Ghetto cashier #2 (after thinking for a while): A city.
Ghetto cashier #1: Okay, right, like Jersey City. That's what I thought.
–Duane Reade
Girl #1: You know how I knew I was back home? I saw a Duane Reade.
Girl #2: Yeah, they don’t have those out there.
Girl #1: No, actually, you know how I knew I was home? I saw a crackhead on my block jerking off as he was walking. Then, I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m home.’
–6 train near 23rd St
Overheard by: Kathy
Cyclist: So he was all, "my shit is your shit," and I thought, "that's the most romantic thing I've heard."
–Central Park
Dude on cell, checking out sunblock: They don't have shit here. SPF 15 is too high!
–Duane Reade, Flushing
Toddler that dropped his toy: Oh, shit!
–7th Ave, Park Slope
10-year-old boy to friend: That was like the first time I ever took a shit in a public bathroom.
–2nd Ave & 9th St
Man in baggy jeans walking with gusto: Oh, yes, oh yeah. She wanted my shiiit… She wanted my shit!
–6 Train
Chick to friends: He is totally going to shit a tampon!
–84th St & Amsterdam
Woman #1: Are you going to be here for Christmas?
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For Thanksgiving?
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For–
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For–
Woman #2: Yah.
–Duane Reade, Greenwich Village
New Indian cashier: I don’t have any change. How do I get more change?
Old Indian cashier: Call on the intercom for the manager to come to the front.
New Indian cashier, over intercom: Manager to the front, please. I need change, please. I badly need change.
–Duane Reade, 50th & Broadway
Soccer mom: I dropped a twenty dollar bill last time I was in here, like, two weeks ago. Did anybody find it and turn it in?
Cashier: Ya know, we’ve gotten so many twenties turned in this month, you’re going to have to identify yours. Whats the serial number?
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Veronica at www.lonelyroadsandpsychopaths.com
Five-year-old boy to mother: It smells like penis in here!
Embarrassed mother: “Peanuts”. Honey, you mean “peanuts”.
Five-year-old boy: No. Penis! (points to his crotch)
–Duane Reade in Penn Station
Overheard by: Dawn D.
NYU nerdy chick on cell: The oral is going to be super hard. …But I think I’ll be good at it.
–NYU
Overheard by: kat
Clerk, to female co-worker: I keep my meat to the side.
–Walgreens, Atlantic Ave
Girl: Bite and suck, bite and suck, bite and suck!
–Szechuan Restaurant
Overheard by: tallierand
Female customer to employee: …the gum that has the things in it. She likes to chew on the ones with the blue balls.
–Duane Reade, Fresh Meadows
Overheard by: evan FM
College sophomore: … So yeah, I said "Mom, stop rotating my pickle!"
–USA #1 Deli, La Salle & Broadway
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Father to younger son: So you like second base right?
–Douglaston Market, Queens
Overheard by: Noelle
Counter lady: ‘Cause they look and talk like a woman, sometimes more than a woman! They be taking pills, shots…gives ’em a voice like a woman. I don’t want you getting in something. You might kill somebody finding out it’s not a woman.
Floor guy: Yeah, right.
Counter lady: Don’t be saying that can’t happen. It happened to a friend of my girlfriend’s boyfriend.
–Duane Reade, 57th & 6th
