PETA-Approved Wednesday One-Liners

HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.

–E train

Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.

–Small diner, Chinatown

Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.

–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Gigi

Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.

–Rue 57, 57th & 6th

Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!

–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?

Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?

Posted on June 13, 2015
Advice, Animals & Nature, BJs, Boys, Chinatown, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Default, Diet/Weight, Flyer people, Friends, Girls, Ladies Who Lunch, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Weirdness, Women

A Lovin’ Spoonful of Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy: I love Manhattan! I love Tic-Tacs!

–Brooklyn Heights

Wife to husband: No wonder your eyebrows are making love!

–47th & 5th

Overheard by: anon

Biotech to texting friend: Now we’ll see how much he cares about you. I love testing people!

–23rd Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Gleeful hobo rubbing stubble beard: I love my beard! Mmmm, I love you.

–93rd & Broadway

Overheard by: punkee

Queer on cell: I don’t want love handles on love day!

–Lafayette & Astor

Woman on cell: Happy Valentine’s Day… Do you still love me, or do you hate me now?

–Hudson St

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on June 13, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Astoria, Biotechs, Boys, Brooklyn, Couples, Default, Food, Friends, Hair, Hobos, Holidays, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Queers, Questions, Relationships, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Not All Babies Should Be Photographed

Girl, looking at friend's cell phone: What is that?
Friend: A baby!
Girl: Oh, I thought it was chicken. It looks like a barbecued chicken.

–4 Train

Posted on June 11, 2015
Babies, Birds, Cell Phone, Food, Friends, Girls, On the Subway

What’s That? You Have a Bomb?

Tourist girl to friend: Oh my god, people are totally going to know we’re from Boston when they hear our accents!
Guy sweeping cigarette butts: No, people are going to know you’re from Boston when they hear you freak out and call the bomb squad over one of our electronic ads.

–49th & 9th

Overheard by: guy who dropped a couple of the cigarette butts

Posted on June 11, 2015
Blue-collar workers, Comebacks, Cops, Friends, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, U.S. Geography

Those Sorority Chicks Are Real Skeletons

Girl: I haven’t talked to her since she left for college. How is she?
Guy: I don’t know, man…I haven’t heard from her either, so I guess she’s just, like, decaying or whatever.

–80th & East End

Overheard by: Anne O.

Posted on June 10, 2015
Assholes, Friends, Girls, Guys, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Time, Upper East Side

It Has Non-White People!

Clearly-an-out-of-towner #1: Dude! I just saw Jessica Alba go into Red Lobster!
Clearly-an-out-of-towner #2: Whoa! Dude! New York is different than Wyoming!

–E Train

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on June 9, 2015
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, On the Subway, Tourists, U.S. Geography

I Need Compassion and an Alibi

Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I didn’t know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn’t look 14…
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, ’cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point… Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don’t judge me, man…

–52nd & Madison

Overheard by: So <i>not</i> 14!

Posted on June 8, 2015
Advice, Age/Aging, Creepsters, Friends, Guys, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Players, Sex

Wednesday One-Liners for Black History Month

Russian woman to Russian friend: I want to see Notorious because it's about black people.

–Regal Cinema, 13th & Broadway

High school boy: Hey, look–a black kid!

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Black guy: Don't worry, its alright! I'm not that black! I haven't mugged anybody in two weeks, and I love all white people under six feet tall!

–Time Square

Overheard by: Jennie

Middle-aged black woman, to no one in particular: That George W. Bush! He walks like an arrogant black man!

–Queens

Overheard by: BigFatTiger

Nerdy Jewish guy: I don't know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now!

–Queens College

Posted on June 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Film, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Height, Jews, Movie Theaters, Nerds, On the Bus, One-liners, President, Queens, Queens College, Race, Sexuality, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

It Was Like Something in Me Just Snapped

Hot 20-something redhead: So that’s why you barely said hello when I got back from Mexico?!
Hot 20-something blonde: Uh-huh.
Hot 20-something redhead: You were in a bad mood because your vibrator broke?!

–West Village

Posted on June 8, 2015
Dildos and Vibrators, Friends, Global Geography, Talking/Convos, Travel, West Village

Friends