Girls

Sassy eight-year-old to mother: You don't know Spanish except what you learned from Selena.

–2 Train

Chick on cell: Watching 27 Dresses in a cheetah robe…

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Virginia

Little boy, as his mother asks for directions: Great, we're lost in New York City. It's like Home Alone!

–Across from Spamalot Theatre

Fag to hag: Don't you remember that time on Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your moment. Spit, woman, spit!

–Natural History Museum

(at a screening of The Shining)
Woman: Haha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks!

–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park

Thug to another: And she said she wanna go to the movies. And I said I don't wanna go to the movies, I want some pussy!

–57th & 9th

Overheard by: JPM

Panhandler on train: Please, I can't afford the rent at the YMCA because they just raised it. So if anyone has some money or some food or something to drink, it would really help me out. Jesus loves people who help poor people. Also, don't forget to see the new summer blockbuster Hellboy II. It's really great.

–F Train

Overheard by: JB

Guy: So did you ever hear back from that guy who stood you up last week?
Girl: Yeah, actually he got stuck with his kids.
Guy: Kids? He's married?
Girl: Divorced, actually.
Guy: Wow, what a looser…I bet he has herpes.
Girl: Yeah, maybe. Maybe he really stood me up because he was fucking you in the ass and got herpes.

–Figarro's Restaurant

20-ish guy: I wish I had a gi-normous cock. I mean, a cock the size of a baseball bat.
20-ish girl: What would you do with it? No woman could fit it in.
20-ish guy: Doesn’t matter. If I had a cock that big I’d never have to argue with anyone again.
20-ish girl: How do you figure that?
20-ish guy: If someone disagreed with me I would take out my 34-inch cock, flip it up on the table like a mutant Chateaubriand and make a face like this [makes a ‘So there!’ face].
20s-ish girl: So, let me get this straight: You think that a giant penis trumps a logical argument?
20-ish guy: Well, doesn’t it? Like with that guy you met in Aruba last winter?
20-ish girl, after long stare: I told you never to mention that again.

–Bar, Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Big Larry

Loud girl #1: So, are you going to tell Eric*?
Loud girl #2: It was a dance.
Loud girl #1: And a kiss.
Jamaican man, who has overheard: Oh. Oh, that’s cold. You ain’t gonna tell him?
Loud girl #2: I didn’t kiss him, he kissed me.
Jamaican man: This gon’ get ugly, you hear me?
Loud girl #2: Fine! I’ll tell him! Then you’ll see ugly.
Jamaican man: Jus’ call me Dear Abby.

–Elevator, Brooklyn

Old time New Yorker to EMS workers and crowd: Sit down!
Suburban princess: God! Have some compassion! Can't you see she's sick?
Old time New Yorker: Fuck you!

–Subway Series 2007, Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Amazed Mets Fan

Drunk girl: Ummm, we were out and your penis was a topic of conversation.
Sober friend: Oh, yeah?
Drunk girl: Yeah, we think it’s big.
Sober friend: Well, it has some good references. I’ll have him send you a resumé.

–St. Mark’s & 2nd

Overheard by: Morgan SO fetch

Mom: Let’s go inside, these flies are driving me crazy.
Six-year-old daughter: But mom, it’s nature.

–Sidewalk Cafe, 120th & Malcolm X

Little girl: Can I have pizza?
Exasperated, sweaty mom: No, it’s hot. And pizza is… hot. And it has… cheese…

–65th & Columbus

Overheard by: simon

Girl: I can't believe she stayed in that so long.
Guy: Well, she just didn't realize she was dating a crazy person. Well… until he stabbed himself.

–Plaza St & Vanderbilt Ave

Overheard by: Ruffy

What Good Is Money If It Can’t Insulate Me from Other People?

Hobo: I have not eaten anything in three days and it’s freezing out. Could you find it in your heart to help me out?
Chick: I won’t give you money, but I will go into that deli and buy you dinner.
Hobo: Thank you so much. But I’m Jewish and if you don’t mind, I would really like a kosher sandwich from Mendy’s.
Chick: Oh, forget it — here’s five bucks!

–34th & Park