Guy: So, Rob slept with that trailer trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-looking one. You don’t think she looks like total trailer trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trailer trash oozing out of her fucking pores!
Guy: So why were you talking to her half the night?
Girl: Whatever. She was really nice.
–Terrace table, Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: ebizzle
Chick: Why is level two on the third floor? Why isn’t there a ‘Floor Two’?
Guy: I dunno, hon.
Chick: Isn’t that weird, though?
Guy, as elevator goes up halfway: I think this is the second floor. It’s a secret level.
–AirTrain elevator, JFK
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl #1: I have an idea, why don’t we keep the doors open so even more people can pack in? Are we close enough yet?
Guy: Yeah. I could start crowd surfing.
Girl #1: It just sucks being squeezed in like this. Especially when you have to get off at the next stop–
Guy: Like you are going to do.
Girl #1: –and people won’t get out of the way. It’s like they don’t understand that you have to get off. This time I’m going to be like, “Bitches, get out of my way!”
Guy: Yeah.
Girl #1: I’m just trying to find one thing about this that doesn’t suck and I’ve got nothing.
Guy: Me either.
Girl #1: This is a nightmare…It’s so annoying to be forced to be so close to so many people in such a small space–
Girl #2: Yeah, it is really annoying, especially when you are forced to hear someone else’s conversation.
Guy: Whoa! What timing.
–L train
Drunk girl #1: Yo, I have coke in my boob.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, right, you so don’t. [Drunk girl #1 shows boob] Holy shit, you do!
–Brooklyn-bound 2 train
Overheard by: horny
Chick to friends: Where should we go for my birthday drinks?
Drunk chick, passing by: I want to go to your birthday drinks!
Chick: Um, I don't know you.
Drunk chick: But you wanna know me! (proceeds to vomit)
–42nd St & 10th Ave
Girl #1: So I guess oily skin isn't a bad thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: It makes you look young.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Have you ever seen a 75-year-old with a shiny face??
–M16 Bus
NYU boy: Hey, Adam Duritz from Counting Crows is outside Hayden on his cell phone!
NYU girl: Uh, well.. I almost got killed by a fucking snow globe!
–Washington Square West
Guy: What about a trampoline?
Girl: Nah, it was more fun in a shopping cart.
–5th & Broadway
Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Poogins
Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!
–10th Street & 3rd Ave
Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!
–Times Square Office Building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.
–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.
–On the Bus
Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."
–15th between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Disunionsquare
Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]
–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square
Chick leaving bar to friend: That's it, I have given up on New York men!
Guy in Yankees shirt: Hey! Don't judge us by guys from Queens.
–Bohemian Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: Mike H
Headline by: Nicola
Runners-Up:
· “…but by Our Slick Taste in T-Shirts!” – Ijudgeyou
· “His Argument Would Carry More Weight If He Wasn’t Peeing Against a Brick Wall at the Time” – James
· “It’s Like Judging Americans by George Bush” – Allison
· “Just by Guys Who Hang Out in Queens” – From Brooklyn
· “Otherwise You’d All Be Lesbians” – Katie Darling
· “There Are Four More Boroughs Waiting to Disappoint You” – AngusM
