Wednesday One-Liners Want You to Know About the Size of Their Bank Accounts

Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.

–W Houston

Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point.

40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am.

–81st & Madison

Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card.

–Stanton & Christie

Overheard by: Ross

Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi!

–Dice Thai, Prospect Park

Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid

Posted on May 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Directions, Ethnic Food, Food, Google, Happiness, iPod, Kids, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires, Women, Yuppies

They Wouldn't Put Anything on the Internet That Isn't True!

Older brunette woman: I'm thinking about dying my hair blonde, and maybe I'll even dye the hedges!
Older red-haired woman: Is that safe?
Older brunette woman: Hm. Let's google it!

–CVS Pharmacy

Posted on April 3, 2015
Colors, Google, Hair, Old People, Questions, Store, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Haven’t Met Most Of Their Friends

Yuppie: I don’t google enough.

–F Train, 7th Ave

Overheard by: imaginexrach

Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life!

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: Asian Kid

Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!

–Office on 42nd & Madison

Overheard by: herspace

Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches.

–8th St & Broadway

Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on March 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Computer, Facebook, Girls, Google, Internet, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Myspace, NYU, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Students, The Village, Yuppies

Psh, Even Queens Has Moved On

Lawyer to Latina secretary: Yes, I meant do it now! What did you think I meant, tomorrow? Don't make me go all Hiram Monserrate on you!
Latina secretary: Okay, I'll do it now.
Lawyer: You don't even know who Hiram Monserrate is, do you?
Latina secretary: No, who is he?
Lawyer: I don't have the time. Google him when you get a chance. On your own time.

–Court St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on December 6, 2014
Clerks, Google, Jobs & Careers, Latinos, Lawyers, Politics, Threats, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

And I Can't Read Any Of It

60-something veteran: Are you on google?
60-something friend: Yeah, I'm on google. I'm on everything!

–Dunkin' Donuts

Overheard by: CJ

Posted on November 27, 2014
Friends, Google, Old People, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes

But We’ll Find Out for Sure When the Anime Comes Out

Nerd #1: So, was she hot?
Nerd #2: According to Google Image search, yes.

–Math Building, NYU

Posted on October 13, 2014
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Google, NYU

Wednesday One-Liners Need More Bandwidth

Teen girl on cell: Are you kidding, mom? Google shapes everyone's lives, whether they like it or not. You google everything.

–W 28th St

20-something-girl: He has liked every status I put up since Wednesday. I haven't spoken to him in ages. I was like, "stop peeing all over my Facebook page!"

–42St & 2nd Ave

NYU student on cell: Honestly, that blog was the most profound thing I've ever written.

–Mercer & W 4th

Overheard by: Bloggers have depth too

40-year-old woman dressed as 16-year-old, on cell: Samantha, just go on Facebook and text him already. (pause) Of course you can do that, everyone does it.

–Outside Five Guys Burgers

Posted on October 20, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Facebook, Girls, Google, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Teens, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

The Magic Eight Ball Of Our Century

Asian kid #1: If I get any lazier, I just might die.
Asian kid #2: Sometimes I'm too lazy to sleep.
Asian kid #3: How many calories does it take to sleep?
Asian kid #1: Ask your brain.
Asian kid #2: Ask google.

–Lafayette & Walker

Overheard by: Jesse G.

Posted on September 26, 2010
Asians, Death, Diet/Weight, Google, Kids, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.

Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: geedee

Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.

–23rd St

Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.

–4th Ave & 86th St

Overheard by: bay ridge bitch

Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wallflower

Posted on September 1, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Families, Girls, Google, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Internet, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Music, Nudity, On Cell, Penis, Pictures, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods