Gripes

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Don’t Even Try a Body Shot With Them

Girl one: I hate going to a bar with pregnant girls, it’s so boring.
Girl two: Yeah.
Gorl one: It’s even worse when you go with pregnant girls that drink.

–Rockefeller Center

How Desperate Housewives Rose in Popularity

Chick #1: Eeeeeew, I hate this show!
Chick #2: Me too! Hella boring.
Chick #1: I'm probably going to watch it.
Chick #2: Oh, me too.

–Times Square

We're New Yorkers, Dude.

Old white guy: Hey man, how are you?
Black delivery guy: Pretty good, man, can't complain…
Old white guy: Why not?

–Henry & Montague

Overheard by: Priya Ahuja

Damn You, Emo, with Your Googly Eyes and Red Fur

Hipster chick: God, stop being so emo!
Non-hip guy: I am not emo! [Stops and thinks.] I didn’t even like that movie. Fuckin’ fish.

–St. Mark’s Pl

Falling Down Radicalized Him

Man #1: Yeah, I’m always getting blamed by someone for everything because I’m the man. Fat, white, middle-aged guy in a suit. Yep, it’s my fault.
Man #2: The Texas accent doesn’t help, either.

–E train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Yeah it is probably his fault

C’mon, That Shit Was Weaker Than What We Snorted at Frank’s Funeral

Dude #1: It’s not like you did anything for me…
Dude #2: I brought the cocaine… I brought cocaine for you at my engagement party!

–Rumsey Field, Central Park

Overheard by: Jet Black

Preferably with Uprooted Oaks, although Maples Usually Get the Message Across

Young mom to disabled son: I do everything for you — I move trees for you, and then you fuck it up and I have to wale on you!

–24th & 2nd

Overheard by: Becka Dash

What’s the Point of Even Going There If We Have to Behave?

Guido teen #1: I’m serious, you do not want to go to jail in Europe!
Guido teen #2: For reals — they’re, like, mad strict over there…
Guido teen #1: Damn…

–42nd St, Astoria

Good Manners Sometimes Skip Two Generations

Daughter, loudly licking her fingers: Wow! That was great!
Mother: Stop that!
Daughter: What? It was good…
Mother: Stop that! It is not appropriate.
Daughter: Would you lower your voice?!
Mother: No, what you’re doing is disgusting!
Daughter: Please keep your voice down. It’s embarrassing!
Mother: No, not until you stop smacking your lips! Do you do that when you’re out with your friends? They must be embarrassed when you do that.
Daughter: Um, no, we all do it.

–Virgil’s BBQ

Overheard by: trying hard not to laugh

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