Guys

Girl to friend: I wonder what’s the difference between hard tacos and soft tacos.

–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court

Overheard by: NTA

Guy talking to his friend: I don’t believe there is a first time for everything, but I do think there is a first time for anything.

–2nd St & Ave B

Overheard by: Max Berlinger

Girl on cell in hallway: She told me to get bacterial soap.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Krisztina ,who uses anti-bacterial

Subway comedian: My wife is so stupid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awkward silence follows. Comedian proceeds to dance around a subway pole pretending to be a stripper.]

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway rider

Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop doing this "living paycheck to paycheck" thing because every time you get a check it’s like an emotional highway.

–Columbia University Campus

Overheard by: Alina

College girl, after closing a Nutella jar: I solved it! I solved the puzzle!

–Broome St

Overheard by: YJL

The Premature Ejaculators’ Society‘s in New York on Business

British guy #1, weaving through umbrellas: You paid for a good time, not a long time.
British guy #2, sounding disgruntled: Well, I want a refund.

–Outside Bubba Gump Shrimp, Times Square

Overheard by: Mildred and Gertrude

Girl: Would you be mad if I became a dominatrix? It's not like I'd let the guys go down on me. It's a better option than prostitution.
Guy: Or you could just *not* do sex work, since you have a PhD.

–St. John's Place, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eavesdropper has become eavesdroppee!

Loud guy: They’re both really pretty.
Girl: Yeah, sure.
Loud guy: Sure, they’ve got busted noses, but they’re still really pretty.

–Chola Restaurant, 58th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Yankees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yankees stadium I'll be like a retard at a Chuck E. Cheese.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Danial

Police officer in van, on loudspeaker: Move to the right! (people in cars ignore the order) Retards! You heard me! Move to the right!

–27th St & 10th Ave

Crazy guy, ranting: You can't have sex with people who aren't retarded because they charge too damn much!

–V Train

Overheard by: Ryan P.

Guy to girl: I never said that I wasn't retarded. Technically, I'm not a hypocrite.

–L Train

Overheard by: Julia

Heavily made-up girl: Do you think retarded people are, like, conceptually aware that they're retarded?

–6 Train

Overheard by: You tell me

Girl: The idea of a retarded Jack Russell Terrier is completely foreign to me, because as I recall, Wishbone was exceptionally well-read.

–Columbia University

Guy: So wait…what's your major?
Girl to group of friends: Booty poppin' bitches.

–Hunter College

Guy: Oh come on!
Girl: Don't “oh come on” me!
Guy: I'm usually good with that.

–44th St & Broadway

20-something dude: I don't get why a tourist would spend their whole day trying to spot an actor.
Friend: Yeah.
20-something dude: I guess I could see myself going to some real hot actresses' usual spots.
Man: You mean like stalking?
20-something dude: Hah! This guy knows what I'm talking about.
Man: I'm a cop.
20-something dude: Oh. So you actually know what I'm talking about. Don't worry, officer, I only intend on stalking Natalie Portman.
Cop: You wanna go for a ride?
20-something dude: Like around in your car?
Cop: To the station.
20-something dude: I'll shut up.
Cop: Thatta boy.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: InDCandMissingBK

Guy #1: And I don't want to be gay about it, but it was love at first sight.
Guy #2: Dude, that's pretty gay.
Guy #1: Yeah, it is rather gay.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Heather

Girl: So were they good-looking? Can you even tell if a guy is good-looking?
Guy (clueless, shrugging shoulders): I don't know! They were English!

–77th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Harriet Vane