Hipster chick: So yeah, between the surgery, the funeral, the infestation, and getting laid off, it’s kinda been a shitty fortnight.
Butch chick: That’s a rough deal, man.
Hipster chick: The only comfort I have is that my mom likes her new boobs.
–Matt’s Grill
Exasperated hipster chick on cell, rolling eyes: Well, you probably should have known. I mean, I told you yesterday it was a terrible idea to go out and get wasted the night before you work with cadavers…
–83rd & 1st
Overheard by: i’ll remember that for next time…
Little boy pointing to top of Trump Tower: If I fell off of that, I would die!
–Trump Tower
Overheard by: Horrified
Suit to another: … So at, like, four a.m. this morning I rolled over to feel her, and she was, like, dead.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Glad I’m not sleeping with him
Old lady on cell: Well, I may be dead by then, so it might be a waste of your money.
–Fairway, 73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessie
Man on cell: … Yeah, but wouldn’t my witness getting killed be bad?
–Key Food, Kew Gardens Hills, Queens
Overheard by: kilbasi
Third grader: Miss Hannah, let’s make a deal — if you give me an ax, I’ll give you 10 corpses.
–PS 41
Overheard by: Student Teacher
Hipster girl: Rough butt sex.
Hipster guy: But that's what it would've smelled like anyway.
–St. Mark's Place
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, but each time you inhale one, you kill, like, one hundred brain cells.
Hipster girl #2: Really?
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, I used to do a whole carton at a time.
–7th St between 1st & A
Dude: Shit in the pussy!
Wolf Parade singer: …Did someone just say “shit in the pussy”?
–Bowery Ballroom, Delancey Street
Overheard by: claudia gallego
Suit: Hey asshole standing up, sit the fuck down!
Hipster guy: Hey asshole sitting down, stand the fuck up!
Suit: I didnt pay $800 to look at the back of your head!
Hipster guy: Come down here and try something and i’ll sue your ass! Nice suit, fag!
–Cream Concert, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: zetasmack
Girl: Hey, you guys were great. If you’re not doing anything after, call my number, I wrote it next to the monument [on this dollar].
Jurassic 5 singer: Wow..uh, great. Take care, now.
Girl: Yeah, see you later.
Jurassic 5 singer: …Dude, she just gave me her phone number. You take it.
Guy: Yeah? Wow, thanks!
Jurassic 5 singer: Yeah, but buddy, you make sure you tap that shit, now, y’hear? A’right.
–70th & Broadway
Overheard by: Sharon B
Pat O’Brien: Um, excuse me…
Bouncer: Oh shit, that’s Pat O’Brien, that’s my peoples.
Guy: …Aw, come on, we’ve been waiting out here for an hour and Pat O’Brien gets in?
Bouncer: Yo, don’t step, Pat O’Brien is good peoples.
–Canal Room, West Broadway
Drag queen: Madonna should die! She sucks! She’s a rapist, not an artist!…Madonna should die! I’ll kill her!
Guy: Get a vagina, bitch!
–The Roxy, West 18th Street
Overheard by: G-Lock
Redheaded hipster #1, jumping in flour: This is so Brooklyn… Why is there flour in the street?
Redheaded hipster #2: Someone probably was just like “fuck this cake,” and threw it out of their window in frustration.
Redheaded hipster #1: I mean, probably.
–Williamsburg
Hipster girl #1: Oh my god! Did you see her shorts?
Hipster girl #2: Oh, I know. She might as well be fucking a black guy right here on the street corner.
–54th & 2nd
Overheard by: girl in shorts’ friend
Hipster guy: Last night my girlfriend called me Caligula.
Chick: That’s really scary, ’cause he was crazy and evil. Why did she call you Caligula?
Hipster guy: I don’t know. I mean, I guess I could understand if she was talking about his big cock.
–Office, 84th & 3rd
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Hipster: It’s so retarded he would name himself Sean Lennon.
Random dude in track suit: Um, it’s his son.
Hipster: Oh.
–Outside Ryan Adams concert, Town Hall, 43rd & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Not A Hipster
Hipster #1 with thick-framed glasses: Yeah, he could do the robot [does crappy robot dance].
Hipster #2: You are so lame.
Hipster #1: No, it’s funny.
Hipster #2: It’s not realistic.
Hipster #1: It’s supposed to be how a robot would dance. What’s not realistic about it?
Hipster #2: Yeah, so a robot programmed well enough to have a dance function would do what you just did…
Hipster #1: Probably.
Hipster #2: If they were to program a robot human enough to have a dance function it would have to be incredibly advanced and I don’t think an incredibly advanced life-like robot would be programed with such stiff moves. They would almost certainly give him at least slightly groovier moves.
Hipster #1: I think you’re thinking of a super advanced robot. I mean, we’re just talking about, like, a robot that appears in the next decade.
–Hipster dance bar
Overheard by: Brian D. Adams
