Hobo #1: Feed our dogs?
Hipster woman: If I give you money, how do I know that it'll go to the dogs?
Hobo #1: Because I say so?
Hipster woman: That's not good enough.
Hobo #1: Come on, we're not assholes.
Hobo #2: Well, actually, we are.
Hobo #1: But not to our dogs!
(hipster woman laughs and walks away)
–3rd Ave & St. Mark's
Hobo: Hey, there's your cab right there!
(suit opens cab door)
Hobo: Hey, don't forget the tip! I pointed the cab out!
Suit: Yeah, the one I was already walking towards. Don't think so.
Hobo: Come on man, help a brother out.
Suit: Sorry, I don't have any singles.
Hobo: Come on papa, how's about a ten spot? I don't drink, I don't do drugs…
Suit: Well, maybe you should. (gets in cab)
–18th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Drunken skinny pretty girl: Why is she so mean? I mean I'm a skinny pretty girl. She should not be mean to me!
–Halloween Party, Tribeca
Drunken hobo to girl leaving Sephora: Let me tell ya how to look beautiful. Fill ya buckets with money. Bucketfulla money makes ya look beautiful.
–17th St
Overheard by: Lillian
Voice on loudspeaker: Last call for pretty man. Last call to board for pretty man.
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Jen
60-something woman to tenor, after La Traviata: Finally, an Alfredo who is good-looking!
–Stage Door, Metropolitan Opera
Hobo: I was voted best-looking bum by bum weekly 1996.
–45th & 3rd
Crazy man, singing in deep tenor voice: Meow! Meowwwwwwww! Meowwwww! Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
–Cooper Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
White woman, singing: That's the way/uh-huh/uh-huh/I like it! Brrr! Cock-a-doodle-do!
–23rd St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Thug, quietly to friends: Daaaamn, yo! I just wanta teabag that ho! (starts singing loudly) Come back girl, I juss wanta teabag, o, I juss wanta teabag yo ass!
–Outside Tech College, 31st & 10th
Woman in bathroom stall, singing operatically: I don't have a care in the world! (sneezes) Oh my god! Damn it!
–Actor's Equity Building
Overheard by: Natalie
Boy, singing: Vagiiiiiiinas… They're eeeeverywhere, vagiiiiiinas…
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Hobo, singing: I don't neeeeed no money! (pause) Well, that's not exactly true, that's just the words to the song.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Chris K.
Hobo: Anybody got the time?
Peeing guy: Yeah, it's 4:40.
Hobo: In the afternoon?
–Bathroom, Port Authority
Overheard by: Eric
Hobo #1: So they said I had to do this ree-conciliation.
Hobo #2: Uh-huh.
Hobo #1: Tell you what, man: they can ree-conciliate deze nuts!
–Bowery Mission
Overheard by: h.g. #3
Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs…
–Astoria
Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses.
–Manhattan Bridge
Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?
–Lincoln Center
Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular.
–Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Media addict
French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.
–Long Island City
Overheard by: Sunny
Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?
–The Library, East Village
Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Charlotte
Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: Publius
Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen
Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.
–80th St & Amsterdam Ave
Black guy on cell: Broadway is all gays and Jews and frankly I am sick of it.
–47th St & 8th
Jewish son: I did not call the rabbi to have him check up on you!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: NosyMormon
Suit on cell: Oh yes, I know all about you. You do crazy things. You eat rice on Pesach.
–Fancy Restaraunt, 79th St
Hobo: I bet if I put up a sign that said "hungry Jew," I'd be getting a ton of money thrown at me.
–98th St & Broadway
Old Jewish woman, exiting store with young woman: I know it's silly, but it was German. They killed six million Jews in Germany. I don't like to buy things that were made in Germany.
–Queens
20-something girl to friend: That Jew laid the spank on her!
–30th Ave, Astoria
