Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

Posted on December 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Girls, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Dude, Don't Tease the Homeless

Homeless woman on train walking around with a tip cup after playing the guitar: Please spare some change. Somebody. Anybody!
30-something Guido, pulling out a $20: Do you have change?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Maria

Posted on November 28, 2008
Bag ladies, Guidos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, Panhandling

You've Mastered the Thin Line Between Dreds and Pigtails

Girl #1: Aw, you look like a cute bum.
Girl #2: Thanks!

–Leon M. Goldstein High School

Overheard by: Robert

Posted on November 21, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Homeless, Physical appearance

To Be Fair, Columbus Also Made Four Voyages

Conductor: This is a reminder that soliciting is illegal on all New York City subway trains, even if it's for the homeless.
Loud ghetto guy: Attention ladies and gentleman, I'm collecting money for the homeless. Help the homeless? Help the homeless?
Conductor: This is a reminder that soliciting is illegal on all New York City subway trains, even if it's for the homeless. This is his fourth trip. Don't do it.
Loud ghetto guy: Attention ladies and gentlemen, I'm collecting money for the homeless. Help the homeless? Help the homeless?

–Shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square

Overheard by: Alison R.

Posted on November 20, 2008
Black People, Conductors, Homeless, On the Subway, Panhandling, Public Transportation

She Actually Gave Him Cash–She Just Gets a Cheap Thrill Out of Alliteration

Hobo: Spare some change?
Girl: Yeah…so you can go buy booze? Keep dreaming, bucko.

–Times Square

Posted on November 14, 2008
Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Panhandling, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Just Poor, They're Po'

Preppy guy: They say beggars can't be choosers, which makes sense, because we're choosers.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Annie

Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Bemused

Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.

–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Argopelter

Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.

–79th & Broadway

Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!

–6 Train Station

Posted on November 12, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Lower East Side, Madison Square Garden, Money & Class, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Preppies, Smegma, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Chase Is an Equal-Opportunity Forecloser

African American bank employee: Ma'am, it's not Chase's fault that you had to go to a Citibank at 4 am because there was a homeless man sleeping in the Chase lobby. We cannot refund the $1.50 fee that Citibank charged you.
90-year-old woman: He was Caucasian! Can you believe it?
African American bank employee: Ma'am, even Caucasians can be homeless.

–Chase Bank

Posted on November 1, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Bank, Black People, Homeless, Money & Class, Old People, Race, Weirdness

“Honesty Is the Best Policy”? Lies

White dude to passengers: Ladies and gentlemen, I don't normally do this. I just got out of jail and my family won't let me come back home. I am not a drug user or an alcoholic. I go back to work on Monday, please help me. I'm scared. I went to a shelter and I was beaten and had everything taken from me. I'm just trying to make enough to stay at the YMCA for the night. Anything you can do to help me…
Chica, yelling: Yo, my friend wants to know what you was in jail for!
White dude: Oh, I raped a girl.

–F Train

Overheard by: LZA

Posted on October 28, 2008
Girls, Homeless, Kick, Latinos, On the Subway, Panhandling, Passengers, Prison, Rape, Weirdness, White People

Can I at Least Give You My Penis?

Hobo to smoking girl: Hey, can I give you a cigarette?
Girl: Um…that's okay. Got one.
Hobo: Oh! Well, can I get one?
Girl: It's my last one.
Hobo: Can I share it with you?
Girl: You know what…here, you can have it.
Hobo: Can I give you some spare change?
(girl walks away)

–6th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Michele

Posted on October 17, 2008
Default, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Penis, Smoking, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

And I Don't Think It Could Get Any Shittier

Homeless dude #1: I need something to read when I go to the bathroom.
Homeless dude #2: I got “Can you afford to retire?”

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on October 10, 2008
Books & Writing, Default, Guys, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, Poop, Questions, The Village, Wishes & desires