Student: How was your break?
Math teacher: Screw you!
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: citysnidget
Student: How was your break?
Math teacher: Screw you!
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: citysnidget
Little thug #1: Obama ain't takin' no shit. He'll be at the United Nations and shit, runnin' up on them niggas, talkin' “Yo! You a-rab terrissas and shit best not be fuckin' with us! And make that oil cheaper, niggas, cause I ain't about spending no three dollars for fuckin' gas!”
Little thug #2: Yeah, and what if they say, “fuck you nigga,” what then?
Little thug #1: Then Obama is gonna get all Rodney King on they ass! He'll be all, “Wham! Wham! I'll teach you niggas to fuck with the black President!”
–Times Square
Overheard by: Big Larry
Guy # 1: Dude, I’m hella hungry.
Guy # 2: I’m freakin’ hella tired of your whining, a-hole!
Guy # 1: At least I ain’t hella stupid!
Guy # 2: And you’re hella ugly!
Passenger, to guys: Are you from Jersey?
–C Train
Overheard by: Hammer-head
Tourist, to man handing out fliers: Thank you very much but I don’t need one.
Passerby: Tourists are fucking weird.
–Grand Central
Trashy Jersey man: That guy is such a jerk to his wife.
Trashy Jersey woman: Yeah, one time I peed myself in his car just to make him mad. I told him, “I just peed in your car.” He was mad.
Trashy Jersey man: That was a good idea. Or you could have busted his face with a bottle.
–2 Train
Preppy girl to honking SUV driver: Fuck you!
Asian guy, walking other way: Bless you!
–59th & Park
Overheard by: Just trying to cross the street
Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema…
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: chris
Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal!
–1st Ave & St. Mark's
Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lola Black
Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked.
–W 4th St
20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria.
–Café
Hobo: Excuse me, sir?
Queer: Ew, don’t talk to me. I have class.
Hobo: Fuckwit.
Queer: As least I got money.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Gary
Guy to cabbie: Hi, can you take me to Queens?
Cabbie: Can't you see I have passengers?
Passenger, rolling down window: Hi, we're in here.
Guy: Thank you! You are an asshole!
–6th Ave & W 4th
Overheard by: James
Conductor: Everything’s running normal this weekend.
Black woman: Everything runnin’ normal this weekend? Shit, I could take this train to fuckin’… fuckin’ anywhere!
–Q train
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: Marc
Runners-Up:
· “Alice in Wonderland, New York Style” – Anastasia Poushkareva
· “Around the Hood in Eighty Days” – ad neal
· “I Meant My Colon” – I Got Real Mail
· “Just a fuckin’ small town girl, livin’ in a fuckin’ lonely world…” – karaoke queen
· “Transfers available to up your ass and go fuck yourself.” – mark manne
· “Why Reading Rainbow and drugs don’t mix” – mike
