Hipster girl: Get your hands off of me, pervert!
Disheveled non-hipster: I ain’t got my hands on you! Since you got to go accusing me, well, shit, might as well be guilty! [Grabs her chest]
–L train, Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Dead Man Walking
Hipster girl: Get your hands off of me, pervert!
Disheveled non-hipster: I ain’t got my hands on you! Since you got to go accusing me, well, shit, might as well be guilty! [Grabs her chest]
–L train, Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Dead Man Walking
Guy: I love you, you know that?
Girlfriend: Fuck you. I know you fucked my sister. It's over.
Guy: But I love you!
(girl slaps him and walks away)
Guy, to barista: I probably deserved that.
Barista: Fuck you.
–Gorilla Coffee, Park Slope
Queer #1: That was a guest conductor, right? The short one.
Queer #2: You mean the hobbit?
Queer #1: Oh, I didn’t look at her feet.
Queer #2: Honey, it was a metaphor.
–NY City Ballet, Lincoln Center
Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies.
–Manhattan Theatre Source
Overheard by: Emily B.
Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard.
–Dorm, Pratt Institute
College student: Ghosts? They're like VT!
–186th St & Amsterdam
Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: emily d.
Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway!
–Union Square Subway Entrance
Overheard by: Masked Avenger
Hipster girl #1 as priest boards train: Oh my god, it’s a priest…!
Hipster girl #2: Shit, we have to be good! We’ll go to hell! Shit! I just said, ‘Shit’! I am going to hell!
Hipster girl #1: He’s staring at us now!
–Metro North train, 125th St, Harlem
Suit: Excuse me. You know, if you wouldn’t stand in the doors, we could all get on and get off a lot faster.
Woman: Shut the fuck up, bitch.
–A train, Jay Street station
Overheard by: David Wood
Suit, after losing a sleeve button on escalator: Oh, motherfucker!
Pre-recorded service announcement: Have a nice day!
Suit: Yeah, fuck you too.
–E Train
Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst…
–Nathan's, West 32nd St
Overheard by: SuzeV
Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out!
–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st
Overheard by: Lillian
Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!
–96th and Broadway
Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle.
–jet blue terminal, jfk
Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients
Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it.
–Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit
NJ driver: Hey! Red means Don’t Walk!
Girl: It’s blinking!
NJ driver: That’s the same thing!
Girl: No it’s not, dumbass!
–74th & Broadway
Annoyed commuter: Shut up, you jobless crackhead piece of shit!
Crackhead: Fuck you, man, I got a job! I sell crack.
–A Train
