Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Browsing

Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.

–Washington Square Park

Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.

–City Hall

Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi

Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.

–11th St & 5th Ave

Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!

–8th Ave & 42nd St

Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.

–33rd St.

Overheard by: Rio

High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?

–St. Paul's Catholic Church

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Church, Computer, Dildos and Vibrators, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Insults, Internet, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Street, Suits, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

There's a Thin Line Between Love and Wednesday One-Liners

Professor: I hate that bitch so much, I will give you all As for this semester if you sabotage her class.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots

Four-year-old boy to mom holding up newspaper clipping of female model: I can't use this, I hate women!

–Union Square

Overheard by: amused

Little blonde girl sitting at table with parents: I hate everyone!

–48th St & 30th Ave

Overheard by: kteezy

Loud girl to man at the counter: Hey, what are you looking at me like that for? (man at the counter shakes head) You know damn well what I am talking about…I love you too. (pause) Nawwww, just kidding…I hate your stinky ass.

–Deli, Nostrand Ave & Kings Highway

Small boy, gleefully: I hate Joe the plumber. Joe, Joe, Joe…I hate Joe.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: me too…

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Brooklyn, Classroom, Clerks, Delis, Gender issues, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Love, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Should've Used a Condom, Store, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Are You Saying They're Bad News and Full Of Splooge?

Stressed woman, on the verge of tears: She thinks because she's fourteen she can come home whenever she wants and treat me however she wants!
Male friend: Kids are young, dumb, and full of cum!
Stressed woman: True, dat.

–E Train

Overheard by: Luis

Posted on May 18, 2009
Age/Aging, Crying, Cum, Friends, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Stupidity, Weirdness, Women

Planned Parenthood, Dear Reader. Seriously.

Mom to crying baby: Oh my god, shut the hell up!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Jay

Posted on May 17, 2009
Insults, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Should've Used a Condom

How to Get Your Child Chased with Torches, in One Easy Step

Five-year-old girl, watching NYU protest: Mommy, what is going on?
Mom: Oh. it's just kids who don't want to pay for tuition.
Five-year-old girl, screaming to protesters: Pay your tuition!

–NYU

Posted on May 17, 2009
Activists, Kids, Moms, NYU, Parents, Politics, Questions, School and studying, Wishes & desires

How You Know It's Time to Distract Your Child with Ice Cream

Small boy: So abortion isn't like killing, it's like stopping?
Small boy's mother: Yes, honey…it's all very complicated, but, some people think that a baby can't be killed when it's inside the womb because it's not really a baby yet.
Small boy: So, it's not a baby till it's out?
Small boy's mother: That's right.
Small boy: And then we can kill them?

–M103 Bus

Overheard by: Lilly

Posted on May 17, 2009
Abortion, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, Murder, On the Bus, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Should've Used a Condom

Blame the Marx Brothers for This, Dear Reader

Five year old to dad: Look, dad, we're going over the bridge!
Dad to five-year-old son, in admonishing tone: Remember? It's not a bridge; it's a viaduct.

–F Train

Overheard by: 27 year old who thought it was a bridge, too

Posted on May 15, 2009
Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Words

Or Have the Pigeons Grown Weary Of My Great Depression Stories?

Gramps: Those bags from the store…
(children and mother laugh).
Mother: You're talking very loud.
Gramps: What–are we in church? Did I wake somebody up?
(children and mother continue laughing)
Gramps: What did I do wrong? Should I go sit outside?

–Doctor's Office, Central Park West

Overheard by: Erick B

Posted on May 15, 2009
Age/Aging, Central Park, Church, Families, Family Ties, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Office, Old People, Questions

Robert Frost: The Lovely Shall Be Choosers, Shall They…?

Gangster kid to female friend: I don't care. I ain't goin' there early. Ain't nobody care.
Friend: But you have a test!
Gangster kid: I'm the sexiest guy in my bio class, so I can do whatever the hell I want!

–Marshak Building, City College

Posted on May 14, 2009
City College, Friends, Gangstas, Kids, School and studying, Stupidity, Time, Wishes & desires

An Inconvenient Wednesday One-Liner

Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.

–Gramercy

Overheard by: Max

Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: snow. trust me.

Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: queenofscots

Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!

–W 4th St

Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!

–140th St & Amsterdam