Woman: You think that's bad…I did blow off my boyfriend's rock-hard abs on my kitchen counter…and I'm married with three kids.
Friend: Did he do blow off your boobs?
Woman: No…it'd fall off!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Victoria
Woman: You think that's bad…I did blow off my boyfriend's rock-hard abs on my kitchen counter…and I'm married with three kids.
Friend: Did he do blow off your boobs?
Woman: No…it'd fall off!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Victoria
Lady on phone: Well, I wish I could get the fat removed from my back but we can't all get what we want, can we?
–Target
10-year-old child with mother and younger siblings: I wish I could get a diaper…
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Random smoking kid: I really wish I could smoke out of my ass.
–Lincoln Center
Girl crossing the street: I really wish something would hit me…I need some money.
–Times Square
Overheard by: 3 day tourist
Girl, after receiving gift: This is…this is so great! I'm so happy! Oh, man! I…I wish you had a little penis so I could give it a rub right now!
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Woman on cell: I'd love to watch football with you. I'll even hold the balls.
–92nd & Lexington
Boyfriend to guy sitting between him and his girlfriend: Hey man, can you slide over? I need some ball space over here.
–Uptown 4 Train
20-something chick: I aim for as many balls as possible.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Woman to male Target employee: Do you have balls? (brief awkward pause) Like playing ones…
–Target, Queens
Mother to kids: Okay, raise your hand if you don't have balls! (group of boys eagerly raise their hands)
–LIRR
Overheard by: Chadwick
Little kid, after passenger belches: Mommy, is that man a new dinosaur species? He sounds like it.
Mom: No, he's just rude.
(subway doors open and the passenger departs)
Little kid, yelling from the door: New species! New species!
–R Line
Woman to kid holding a “free hugs” sign: Hey! Where's my hug?
(kid hugs woman)
Drunk chick: There's so much fucking love, we should just buy a llama and it'll be like our llama, you know?
–W 4th St
Little girl in stroller to mother: Who made my heart, who made it, huh?
Mom: I made your heart, and god did.
Little girl: Can I eat it ?
Mom: No.
Little girl: Why not?
Mom: It doesn't taste good.
Little girl: Yes it does! It tastes like cake.
–B Train
Mother to young son: If daddy asks you why mommy's upset with him, you say it's because he doesn't take care of her.
Young son: I ain't saying nothing.
–B Train
Young girl: How old are you?
22 year-old girl: I'm 22.
Young girl: And you're pregnant!
22 year-old girl: No I'm not.
Young girl: Why do you have a big belly then?
22 year-old girl: Well you know, when you're my age, hormonal and stuff, you'll get fat. People will think you're pregnant when you're not, and you'll cry. So you'll eat tons of salads to make the belly disappear but it won't work and you'll be sad. That's all life's about. Don't grow up.
–A Train
Overheard by: Violette
Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.
–69th & York
Overheard by: Eugene
Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.
–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker
Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.
–C train
Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.
–Thompson & Spring
Six-year-old girl, with mace in hand: Look, mommy! A mace! Now I can hit unicorns and make them bleed. Death to unicorns!
Mom: That's great, honey.
–8th Ave & Carroll St
