You've Got Some Set Of Wednesday One-Liners on You, Buddy!

Woman on cell: I'd love to watch football with you. I'll even hold the balls.

–92nd & Lexington

Boyfriend to guy sitting between him and his girlfriend: Hey man, can you slide over? I need some ball space over here.

–Uptown 4 Train

20-something chick: I aim for as many balls as possible.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister

Woman to male Target employee: Do you have balls? (brief awkward pause) Like playing ones…

–Target, Queens

Mother to kids: Okay, raise your hand if you don't have balls! (group of boys eagerly raise their hands)

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Boyfriends, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Football, Girls, Guys, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Promiscuity, Queens, Questions, Store, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Possibly a Rudeceratops

Little kid, after passenger belches: Mommy, is that man a new dinosaur species? He sounds like it.
Mom: No, he's just rude.
(subway doors open and the passenger departs)
Little kid, yelling from the door: New species! New species!

–R Line

Posted on April 28, 2009
Animals & Nature, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Questions

Obama Could Be the Name Of Our Llama

Woman to kid holding a “free hugs” sign: Hey! Where's my hug?
(kid hugs woman)
Drunk chick: There's so much fucking love, we should just buy a llama and it'll be like our llama, you know?

–W 4th St

Posted on April 27, 2009
Animals & Nature, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Hugs, Kids, Love, Moms, The Village, Weirdness

God Can't Bake for Shit

Little girl in stroller to mother: Who made my heart, who made it, huh?
Mom: I made your heart, and god did.
Little girl: Can I eat it ?
Mom: No.
Little girl: Why not?
Mom: It doesn't taste good.
Little girl: Yes it does! It tastes like cake.

–B Train

Posted on April 26, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Food, God, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Sensory Experiences

We Love This Kid

Mother to young son: If daddy asks you why mommy's upset with him, you say it's because he doesn't take care of her.
Young son: I ain't saying nothing.

–B Train

Posted on April 23, 2009
Family Ties, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Relationships

Nobody's More Bitter Than Ex-Gymnasts

Young girl: How old are you?
22 year-old girl: I'm 22.
Young girl: And you're pregnant!
22 year-old girl: No I'm not.
Young girl: Why do you have a big belly then?
22 year-old girl: Well you know, when you're my age, hormonal and stuff, you'll get fat. People will think you're pregnant when you're not, and you'll cry. So you'll eat tons of salads to make the belly disappear but it won't work and you'll be sad. That's all life's about. Don't grow up.

–A Train

Overheard by: Violette

Posted on April 23, 2009
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Crying, Diet/Weight, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Should've Used a Condom, Vegetarian & Vegan

Genius Is 1% Inspiration and 99% Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.

–69th & York

Overheard by: Eugene

Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.

–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker

Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.

–C train

Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.

–Thompson & Spring

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Condoms, Dads, Friends, Girls, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Religion, Soho, Suits, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

And Lots Cheaper Than Tennis Lessons

Six-year-old girl, with mace in hand: Look, mommy! A mace! Now I can hit unicorns and make them bleed. Death to unicorns!
Mom: That's great, honey.

–8th Ave & Carroll St

Posted on April 21, 2009
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Death, Kids, Moms, Murder, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness

Also Why People Originally Started Wearing Crocs

Mom to nine-year-old son: Do you want anything?
Kid, looking at variety of candy: Mmmmmm, let me see, something no one will like, so I don't get bullied for it at school.

–Deli, Hicks St & Kane, Brooklyn

Posted on April 21, 2009
Brooklyn, Delis, Food, Kids, Moms, School and studying, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Conductor: “I Prefer to Think Of It As Whimsical“

(conductor closes subway doors on relatively empty train, preventing a throng of people from boarding)
3-year-old girl: Mommy, why did he do that?
Mother: Because he's mean!

–1 Train

Overheard by: M

Posted on April 20, 2009
Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions

Kids