Little boy to random man: I'm going to go see South Pacific with my daddy.
Random man: That's something you don't say in public!
–Times Square
Little boy to random man: I'm going to go see South Pacific with my daddy.
Random man: That's something you don't say in public!
–Times Square
Nanny to four-year-old: Please stop screaming, you are going to give me a headache!
(pause)
Four-year-old: I had a headache once!
–Upper West Side Elevator
Little girl reading bar sign: Mom, what's a Stumble Inn?
Mom: It's a restaurant.
Little girl: Is it like Stumbelina?
Dad: Yeah, Thumbelina's drunk sister.
–2nd Ave & 76th St
Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day…I pooped. (giggles)
–Q Ttrain
Overheard by: Robert G.
Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?
–Fordham University
Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: SophieMed
Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.
–Sunshine Suites
Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?
–Castle Clinton
Overheard by: B Fraz
20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!
–Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: I prefer to flush
Female black security guard to male black security guard: So you got two kids that you know of…
–MoMa
Security agent: You are now entering the metal detector area, so those of you with wooden cell phones should feel free to keep those in your pockets.
–JFK
Overheard by: Jason
Security guard to teens blocking entrance: Hmm, just what I need at 9 am, a motherfucking school group.
–Paley's Museum of Radio and Television
Overheard by: scarface
Security guard on cell: Why isn't your hand on your butt?
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Lord Almighty
Library security guard: Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true.
–St. John's University
Little boy in bathroom stall: Knock knock.
Mom in bathroom stall: Who's there?
Little boy in bathroom stall: I pooped in my pants!
–Ellen's Stardust Diner, Times Square
Mom to overactive five-year-old: No, they can't put chocolate sprinkles on yo' taco!
Overactive five-year-old, singing: Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing! Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing!
–Long Island City
Overheard by: astoria mets fan
Kindergarten-age boy, getting off of elevator: Last night I had a dream, and it was so scary, when I woke up I couldn't talk.
Harried dad, getting into elevator, muttering: Welcome to my fucking life, kid.
–Columbia School
Overheard by: Tell me about it
Woman: You think that's bad…I did blow off my boyfriend's rock-hard abs on my kitchen counter…and I'm married with three kids.
Friend: Did he do blow off your boobs?
Woman: No…it'd fall off!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Victoria
Lady on phone: Well, I wish I could get the fat removed from my back but we can't all get what we want, can we?
–Target
10-year-old child with mother and younger siblings: I wish I could get a diaper…
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Random smoking kid: I really wish I could smoke out of my ass.
–Lincoln Center
Girl crossing the street: I really wish something would hit me…I need some money.
–Times Square
Overheard by: 3 day tourist
Girl, after receiving gift: This is…this is so great! I'm so happy! Oh, man! I…I wish you had a little penis so I could give it a rub right now!
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
