Little girl: Mommy, when were you skinny? High school? College?
Average-build mother: Yeah, both. Why? Do you think I’m fat?
Little girl: Ummm…
–2 Train
Little girl: Mommy, when were you skinny? High school? College?
Average-build mother: Yeah, both. Why? Do you think I’m fat?
Little girl: Ummm…
–2 Train
Man on phone, while withdrawing cash at the ATM: Congrats, dude. It could still be chlamydia though!
–LES
Overheard by: Romano
Kid: I don’t like this place, it has aids.
–F Train
Overheard by: Richard J. Anderson
Man on cell: You can’t just sleep in somebody’s bed and not tell them you have scabies. That’s… irresponsible.
–Home Depot
Professional woman: So I think you have an STD and blah blah blah.
–Times Square
Customer: Can we get an extra plate? He’s sick and I have herpes.
–Freemans, Freeman’s Alley
Twentysomething businesswoman: I was like, ‘oh my god, don’t hook up with my mom’… she has crabs!
–13th & 2nd
Overheard by: Natalia
Tourist: This is New York. Nothing happens fast here.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Get out of my way – I’m in a hurry
Empowered shopper: I have a cart. I can go as slow as I want.
–Chelsea Whole Foods
Overheard by: and she did
Girl to friend, after introducing her boyfriend: It’s not that he’s slow. He just hesitates before answering because he’s thinking of movie quotes and stuff.
–515 Bar, 34th Street & 3rd Ave
Mom of fast-walking baby: YO YO! Slow your roll.
–Grand St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alicia Van Couvering
Woman, while swiping metrocard: Gotta do it fast, just like a handjob.
–79th St Subway Station
Loud beeatch: Dammit, why you movin’ so slow? Don’t you know what city you’re in? Shit!
–42nd St & Madison
Overheard by: Jen
Conductor on PA: Attention, passengers. We have red signals ahead of us. Still working out the kinks. The good news is, once we get past Bergen, we’ll be back up to our normal speed. [pauses] which still isn’t too fast.
–F train
Overheard by: He ain’t kiddin’
Father, trying to drag young son into store: Come on! What’s the matter?
Son: The people in there are scary!
–Outisde Hot Topic
Overheard by: Penny Lane
Little boy holding pack of Orbitz gum: Mommy, is this kosher?
Mother: Sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you that we aren’t Jewish?
–Duane Reade, 50th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyle
Little boy: Daddy, daddy! I wanna make a bear!
Buff dad: Nigga, I done told you a thousand times, thugs don’t make bears! [Tiny black boy bursts into tears.]
–Outside of Build a Bear Workshop, at 6th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Becca
Little girl to her father: Stop telling me that! I’m not adopted!
Father: But sometimes I wish you were.
–Multiplex Cinemas, Flushing
Overheard by: Ms. Hazard
Four-year-old girl screaming: IT IS MY MONEY AND I WANT IT BACK!
Shockingly calm but exhausted Dad: No Sarah, it is OUR money.
Sarah [chanting over and over while stomping her feet.]: IT IS MY MONEY! I WANT IT BACK!
–Bank, Madison Ave & E 65th
Overheard by: Christina
Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’
–49th & Broadway
Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity
Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: jaded library dweller
Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.
–L train, 3rd Ave stop
Overheard by: katiebeans
Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.
–56th & 5th
15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.
–210th St & Bainbridge Ave
Overheard by: gutterlush
Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’
–JFK
Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty
Very young child: Yo estoy borracha. Yo estoy borracha. Yo estoy borracha…
–35th St & 36th Ave, Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Michelle M.
