Girls Just Wanna Have Wednesday One-Liners

Six-year-old girl, after careful consideration: Oh, well. That’s Ok. A baby is almost as much fun as a trampoline.

–Sidewalk Cafe

Guy to friend at 1 AM on a Thursday: Hey, I have an idea -let’s talk about how Dan fucked my ex-girlfriend! That’ll be fun, that’s a good story!

–PATH Train to Hoboken

Overheard by: Katie

Cali girl, to her roommate: We need to be more like coke whores but, like, without the coke, and not the whore part, but just like, opulent and fun.

–133rd & Frederick Douglass

Overheard by: Nathalie

Guy on cell: But, mother, maybe she wants to have fun for a couple of years before she becomes a nun.

–Midtown

Overheard by: Killer

20-something woman on cell: When I left my mom just now she said, ‘Have fun gay-tripping in California.’ Uhmmmmm?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McF

Middle aged babysitter corralling flock of young children down the street: This should be fun… How come it isn’t? Anybody got any ideas?

–18th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on April 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Christianity, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Family Ties, Friendship, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penn Station, Prostitution, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Wishes & desires

How Susie Learned to Speak in Vague Hypotheticals

Seven-year-old girl: Daddy! You wanna hear a secret?!
Dad: Sure, but remember honey: I’m a social worker so if this is a secret about you hurting yourself or others I have to report it.
Seven-year-old girl: … Never mind.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on April 15, 2008
Advice, Dads, Default, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, LaGuardia Airport, Offers and requests, Parents

Besides, If You Go Far Enough Left, You’re Right.

Little girl, adorably: So, this hand is right and this one is left?
Mom: No, it’s the other way around.
Little girl: But you said before! You said this was the right and this was the left!
Mom: Well, if I’m facing you –
Little girl, exasperated : Mother, I really don’t want to talk to you about this anymore.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Marissa

Posted on April 13, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Wishes & desires

Guess We’re Not Eating Today, Huh?

Six-year-old boy: I’m excited! Pizza, pizza, pizza!
Father: How do you spell “pizza”?
Six-year-old boy: P…I… Z… Z… O?
Father: Close, son. Try again.
Six-year-old boy: F?
Father: No…
Six-year-old boy: Q? G? L? [starting to cry.] I just don’t know!

–110th & Broadway

Posted on April 11, 2008
Boys, Crying, Dads, Education, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Only with a “Ph”, Mommy

Little girl: Mommy, when were you skinny? High school? College?
Average-build mother: Yeah, both. Why? Do you think I’m fat?
Little girl: Ummm…

–2 Train

Posted on April 10, 2008
Default, Diet/Weight, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions

Does It Wednesday One-Liner When You Pee?

Man on phone, while withdrawing cash at the ATM: Congrats, dude. It could still be chlamydia though!

–LES

Overheard by: Romano

Kid: I don’t like this place, it has aids.

–F Train

Overheard by: Richard J. Anderson

Man on cell: You can’t just sleep in somebody’s bed and not tell them you have scabies. That’s… irresponsible.

–Home Depot

Professional woman: So I think you have an STD and blah blah blah.

–Times Square

Customer: Can we get an extra plate? He’s sick and I have herpes.

–Freemans, Freeman’s Alley

Twentysomething businesswoman: I was like, ‘oh my god, don’t hook up with my mom’… she has crabs!

–13th & 2nd

Overheard by: Natalia

Posted on April 9, 2008
Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Customers, Default, Illness, Kids, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, STDs, Store, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Drive the Bus Below 50 MPH

Tourist: This is New York. Nothing happens fast here.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Get out of my way – I’m in a hurry

Empowered shopper: I have a cart. I can go as slow as I want.

–Chelsea Whole Foods

Overheard by: and she did

Girl to friend, after introducing her boyfriend: It’s not that he’s slow. He just hesitates before answering because he’s thinking of movie quotes and stuff.

–515 Bar, 34th Street & 3rd Ave

Mom of fast-walking baby: YO YO! Slow your roll.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alicia Van Couvering

Woman, while swiping metrocard: Gotta do it fast, just like a handjob.

–79th St Subway Station

Loud beeatch: Dammit, why you movin’ so slow? Don’t you know what city you’re in? Shit!

–42nd St & Madison

Overheard by: Jen

Conductor on PA: Attention, passengers. We have red signals ahead of us. Still working out the kinks. The good news is, once we get past Bergen, we’ll be back up to our normal speed. [pauses] which still isn’t too fast.

–F train

Overheard by: He ain’t kiddin’

Posted on April 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Biotechs, Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Shopping, Subway conductors, Times Square, Tourists, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

It’s Like They Act Hardcore, But Aren’t

Father, trying to drag young son into store: Come on! What’s the matter?
Son: The people in there are scary!

–Outisde Hot Topic

Overheard by: Penny Lane

Posted on April 7, 2008
Boys, Dads, Default, Fears, Kids, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Questions, Store

We’re Unitarians Now

Little boy holding pack of Orbitz gum: Mommy, is this kosher?
Mother: Sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you that we aren’t Jewish?

–Duane Reade, 50th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Posted on April 7, 2008
Boys, Default, Duane Reade, Judaism, Kids, Kosher food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Questions, Shiksas (& other Gentiles)

Not Even If I Gave It a Little Doorag?

Little boy: Daddy, daddy! I wanna make a bear!
Buff dad: Nigga, I done told you a thousand times, thugs don’t make bears! [Tiny black boy bursts into tears.]

–Outside of Build a Bear Workshop, at 6th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Becca

Posted on April 6, 2008
Black People, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Pop Culture, Store, Street, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Kids