Sir Mix-a-Lot Likes Wednesday One-Liners (And He Cannot Lie)

Museum patron: Tell me the story again about what happened to my bottom?

–Cafeteria, the Met

Woman to misbehaving child: Jamillah Fatima! Do not make me have to make the love connection to your behind on the C train!

–Brooklyn bound C train

Overheard by: ryan

Girl: Man, it’s hotter that 50 butt cracks in here!

–American Apparel, N 6th St, Williamsburg

Idle dreamer: Man…I wish I had, like, 59 butts.

–Apple Store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: i still sell the iPods

Walking VD: I told her straight up I only like her for her ass!

–Kissena Blvd & 71st Ave, Queens

Teen boy: I’m gonna spread your booty cheeks.

–108th & Manhattan

Overheard by: N

Man: Shit, I’ll eat a pig’s ass if they fry it right.

–471 Lincoln Place, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Michael O’Connor

Posted on September 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Food, Kids, Moms, More museums, Museums, One-liners, Private Parts, Queens, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Upper East Side, Violence, Williamsburg

Precocious or Tourettic? You Decide

Mom: No, I’m going to tell you that it’s time to switch to the 1 train now.
Little girl: Nooo. I don’t want to switch to the 1 train. Nooo!
Mom: Oh, I know, switching to the 1 train is sooo dramatic.
Girl: It is dramatic! The 1 train is dramatic! All trains are dramatic!

–A train, 59th St

Overheard by: dallas

Posted on September 11, 2006
Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Public Transportation

And Apparently, She Kisses Her Kids with That Mouth

Mother: Bitches, get your asses over here!
Son #1: There’s no seats.
Mother: There’s one right here next to me.
Son #2: I wanna sit next to him.
Mother: I said, motherfuckers, get your asses over here. I don’t want to sit by myself.
Son #1: There’s nowhere to sit!
Mother: I said, get over here. I don’t want to sit by myself. I don’t know no one over here!
Older woman: Don’t no one make friends with her.

–A train

Overheard by: Rehey

Posted on September 11, 2006
Anger Management, Biotechs, Boys, Brothers, Family Ties, Kids, Moms, Old People, On the Subway, Women

So What’s a ‘Roach Clip’, Then?

Little boy: Why are some roaches just roaches and others are cockroaches?
Older sister: Because the roaches with a cock in the front are meaner and nastier.
Little boy: Oh.

–A train, 86th St

Overheard by: Prefers the latter

Posted on September 8, 2006
Families, Kids, On the Subway

PlaySkool: My First Drive-By

Boy in moving car, to random boy on street: First I’m going to kill your mom, then your dad, then your dog, and then I’m going to shoot your cat!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Carolynn

Posted on September 8, 2006
Death, Gay Man's Best Friend, Kids, Man's Best Friend, One-liners, Parents, Shoot, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Make the Cover of People

Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies.

–74th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rachel

3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise.

–Kmart, Astor Place

Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America.

–Lenny’s, 77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Rebecca

Crazy guy: You fuckers don’t deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity!

— 72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: emily

Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn’t watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama.

–1st Ave between 12th & 13th

Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King!

–1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on September 6, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Marriage, Movies, Murder, Music, Offers and requests, Politics, Religion, Stupidity, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

They Must Live in South Dakota

Mom to little girl: Honey, don’t be mean to your brother!
Brother: Yeah right, Mom, she already stepped on the baby in your stomach.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Steffie

Posted on September 5, 2006
Families, Kids, Moms, Penn Station

Let’s Go to Thailand!

Little boy, looking at transvestite: Daddy, is that a boy or a girl?
Dad: It’s a boy.
Little boy: But boys don’t wear dresses!
Transvestite: Child, you got a lot to learn.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Jeremy

Posted on September 3, 2006
Boys, Dads, Girls, Kids, Manhattan, Parents, People, Places, The Village, Trannies

And a Big Cunt For a Mom

3-Year-Old boy, putting both hands on butt of woman in front of him: Mooove!
Pushed woman: You shouldn’t let your boy do that.
Mother: What do you expect him to do? He’s got a big ass in his face!

–59th & Lex

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on September 2, 2006
Ass, Etiquette, Insults, Kids, Moms, Parents, Upper East Side

Our Shopping Strategy and Our Foreign Policy Are Diametrically Opposed

10-Year-Old boy, whining: But, Daaad, why not?!
Southern tourist dad: Because. And I told you before: we do not go in stores with names we can’t pronounce!

–56th & 6th

Overheard by: Karith

Posted on September 2, 2006
Dads, Kids, Language Barrier, Parents, Shopping, Tourists