Library

Dealer to 40-ish man with 12-year-old son: Hey, man, I got it all! Ups, downs, weed, coke…
40-ish man: No, thanks.
Dealer, turning to kid: Well, how about some for the little brotha?!

–In front of NY Public Library

Overheard by: Jimi James

Boy #1: What's up with you two, anyway?
Boy #2: I mean I should just break up with her, because at this point I'm just using her for food.

–NYU Library

11-year-old girl: Yo mamma's broke cuz she spend all her money on rhinestones and cigarttes!

–Riverside Branch Library

Overheard by: always listening

Polite lady: Go straight down that way and cut through the projects–don't worry, they're mixed income–and you'll see it when you come out on A.

–1st Ave & 5th St.

Overheard by: Mrqs

Old lady waiting for the bathroom: How long do people stay in toilets? Jesus! It's a public toilet! There are all these people from the streets that come in, and they always pee on the floor. Well, that's what happens when you're poor.

–NY Public Library

Overheard by: Avery

Homegirl to friend: So she was like "oh, my name's Diamond. And this is my sister, her name's Ruby. Our daddy named us after stuff he can't afford." I was like, shit, if that was the case, my daddy woulda call us "lights" and "gas."

–Prospect Park

Nerdish teen: What the hell was a warlock doing in a dungeon when he had no money?

–C Train

Overheard by: Andrew

Soccer mom: In two weeks, my knitting circle’s going to the strip club.

–28th & Lex

Girl: I want to become a stripper so that I can see Patti LuPone in Gypsy every night.

–St. James Theatre

Overheard by: Erin

Loud NYU chick: Listen to the opening guitar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a stripper!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: evil em

Six-year-old boy to parents: Oohh! Zombie strippers! Let’s see that!

–Port Authority

Thug to young friend checking DVDs in library: How come you got a library card?
Friend: Because I'm…normal?

–Seward Park Library, Broadway & Rutgers

Overheard by: Puma

Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you.

–Upper West Side

Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it.

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Alisha

Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know.

–1 Train

Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church.

–Q Train

Overheard by: spygirl

Gay man: You know how when the cops come to arrest some guy in the middle of the night, there's always some screaming woman in bed with him?
Girl: Yeah?
Gay man: I was that woman!

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Teen boy #1: Heather got raped.
Teen boy #2: What?
Teen boy #1: She got drunk and he took advantage of her. She told me. She got curvy lips, though.

–Brooklyn Public Library

Overheard by: caitlin

Old man wearing suspenders #1: That's a great pair of suspenders.
Old man wearing suspenders #2: Thanks. I had a heckuva time getting them.
Library security guard: Sir, please lower your voice.

–New York Public Library, 34th & Madison

Woman: Oh my God?! Did you just pee on me?
Man: I dunno what you’re talking about, you crazy.

–NY Public Library, 5th Ave & 40th St.

Overheard by: Sabrina Braswell