Library

What Happens When You Cheat on the Test

Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna love pediatrics!
Dude #2: Dude, I know. Dude! I was at the clinic, and there was this girl, you know, already laid back in the chair. She was waiting for something, I don't know, I don't know what she was waiting for, but she was already back in the chair, and… dude, she was sick hot. Like, she was a local, but she looked like a Dominican Jennifer Lopez.
Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna have so much fun with that!
Dude #2: I know, dude. I'm gonna fuckin lay my talons into that shit. Single moms? There are gonna be a ton of single moms! Third year? Good times, dude!
Dude #1: (chuckles into the stunned silences of dudes #3 and #4)
Dude #2: I'm glad I took ethics, dude. Shit, ethics? I didn't really learn a whole lot from ethics, dude.
Dudes #3 and #4: (amplified stunned silence)

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Lili

Just Like I Sensed When You Turned That “Douchebag” Corner

NYU college grad #1: Yeah, makes you think about the future.
NYU college grad #2: Don't worry. We know each other pretty well so I'll sense if you're turning into a prick.

–Bobst Library, NYU

Please Don't Feed the Wednesday One-Liners

Elderly woman to Bulldog: If you were human, you would be a male model.

–44th & 3rd

Female on phone, trying to be discrete: I could take a million pictures without makeup and I could make it on the cover of Vogue. I am telling you I just want a model agent to come up to me and say "you are gorgeous, I want you to model." I know I have what it takes!

–Outside Bobst Library

Overheard by: V Liebs

Scrawny short dude: You know, I like the model-type chicks.

–Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Battery Park city mom, about son: He's not even four and he can earn as much from one commercial as he can from a year of modeling.

–World Trade Centre Plaza

Girl walking around with a camera: People get so awkward when you're carrying around a camera. Come on people! Give me something I can use here! You are all models!

–44th & Lexington

Overheard by: apparently a model

Drawing professor: I'm not allowed to sleep with the models.

–Pratt Institute

…Unless They're Just There to Sell Speed. Fingers Crossed!

Drunk guy with baggy pants #1, watching two hot girls outside library: Daaamn!
Drunk guy with baggy pants #2: Yeah, man!
Drunk guy with baggy pants #3: Yeah, they're geeks, though.

–Outside NYU Library

And I Assume He Did, Too.

Girl: But, I mean, I just believe that Jesus is our savior! I don't see how you can totally discount that…
Guy: Fuck that, man, I like premarital sex.

–Bobst Library, NYU

And I'm Sure They'll Give Him a Long Tube to Breathe through

Girl #1: So, my boyfriend's joining the Navy, but I don't want him up in the sky!
Girl #2: The Navy's underground, stupid.

–Marymount Manhattan College Library

Wednesday One-Liners Are Fully Prepared to Dial 911

Female black security guard to male black security guard: So you got two kids that you know of…

–MoMa

Security agent: You are now entering the metal detector area, so those of you with wooden cell phones should feel free to keep those in your pockets.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jason

Security guard to teens blocking entrance: Hmm, just what I need at 9 am, a motherfucking school group.

–Paley's Museum of Radio and Television

Overheard by: scarface

Security guard on cell: Why isn't your hand on your butt?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Lord Almighty

Library security guard: Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true.

–St. John's University

Even Oprah's Tried Wednesday One-Liners

Guy sitting at bar: I live in the ghetto. And there's a lot of crackheads. But I'm not attracted to them.

–Mojito Loco, Brooklyn

Crackhead to gay boy: Yo, gay boy! When a crackhead asks you a question you answer!

–110th St Station

Guy to friend: The only reason I quit cigarettes was because crack ended up being cheaper.

–NYU Bobst Library

Girl on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't buy that crack then. (pause) Oh.

–Columbia University College Walk

Wednesday One-Liners for “White Harlem”

Columbia freshman: Mwahaha…I love contextual references.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: not studying…

Guy to friends: God, why doesn't Columbia have a freakin' umbrella over it?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: dripping wet

Columbia student to another: I didn't mean to get drunk last night, but I stopped by a liquor store on the way home.

–Columbia University

Columbia student to friend: Do you want to go frolic in Westside Market?

–110th & Broadway

Female Columbia student to male Columbia student, smacking him with foam covered bat: Sometimes I feel like we belong in a state school.

–Columbia Dorm

Anyone Else Wondering What These Girls Are Doing at a Library?

16-year-old tourist girl #1, looking at a map of Europe: You know that country that is shaped like a boot?
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Yeah…Italy, of couse.
16-year-old tourist girl #1: No, it's not…I know this one…it's…Florida!
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Oh my god! I cant believe you've said that. Florida is in the US!
16-year-old tourist girl #1: I know!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Thales H.

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