Cat: I Can Has Ballz Back?

Bimbette: So my cat jumps into my bed last night, like he always does, and he snuggles up next to me and all that, and as I'm petting him, I think, “I know he loves me 'cause I take care of him and everything… but does he also think I'm pretty?” You know?
Friend: (silence)
Bimbette: I really hope he thinks I'm pretty. I mean, like, compared to the other humans he's met. Right?
Friend: You are a) a total narcissist; b) totally creepy; or c) both. I'm leaning towards c).

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Unfortunately, he's just using you for food.

Posted on January 3, 2010
Beauty, Bimbettes, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Love, Physical appearance, Psychology, Questions, Starbucks, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

He'll Just Think My Virginity Came Back Again

Drunk chick #1, as she looks in the mirror: Hey guys!
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Yeahhhh?
Drunk chick #1: I can't wait to go home and have sex with Cody* tonight! I love him so much!
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Drunk chick #1, truly forlorn: But I have my period!
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Ewwwwwwwwwwww!
Drunk chick #1: It's okay. He's dumb. He won't know the difference.
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Yayyyyy!

–Ladies' Room, Lotus, W 14th St

Overheard by: Uhm…

Posted on January 2, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Drunks, Girls, Love, Menstruation, Sex, Stupidity, The Village

That Advil Commercial That Never Made It to TV

Woman to man she just met: I live in Brooklyn, and I'm on my way to see my man in the Bronx. My mother said to me, “must be some kinda love if you travel all the way to the Bronx for a man!”
Man: Uh-huh! That's right! It's got to be good lovin', too!
Woman: You know what I'm saying? Don't talk to me 'bout no headache, 'cause I can't do this everyday!

–1 Train

Posted on December 31, 2009
Health and Hygiene, Love, On the Subway, Parents, Passengers, Strangers, Travel

Why Ren Faires Have a Children's Lost and Found

Ghetto dad to little boy wearing knight's helmet: I don't know who the fuck's son you are, but I love you.
Little boy, muffled through helmet: I luf you do!

–3rd Ave & 9th St

Posted on December 11, 2009
Dads, Insults, Kids, Love, Parents, Promiscuity, Union Square and East Village

…But That's Your Son, Over There.

Father to son: Son, I love you, fuckface!
Son to father: I love you too.

–37th & 4th

Overheard by: Jonas Puer

Posted on December 10, 2009
Dads, Family Ties, Insults, Kids, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Parents

That's Stigmata, Ashley.

Girl: What have you been up to, Stephanie?
Stephanie: Oh, I work at an assisted living in Dedham.
Girl: Oh, I know that one. I have a funny story about…
Stephanie: Oh?
Girl: And by “funny story” I mean that I'm in love with your coworker's ex.
Stephanie: Wow!
Girl: Hey, does this look like a mosquito bite or a hive?

–Columbus Circle

Posted on November 2, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Insects, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean… what's his deal?

–Broadway & 20th St

Overheard by: Cali in NYC

Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money… It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out… (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife.

–79th St & Madison

Overheard by: Anna

Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever.

–51st St & Lexington Ave

Woman: He cheated… On JDate!

–26th & 8th

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Dating, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Infidelity, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Latinos, Lies, Love, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Sex, Street, Suits, Upper East Side, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Eat in a Restaurant Called “Ma's”

Nine-year-old boy to mother, forlornly: In five days, it will be two weeks since we last ate in a restaurant.

–75th & Amsterdam

Jewish girl with heavy New York accent: So when we went to the South we ate at a waffle house, aka the most amazing experience ever! Everyone there was missing at least two teeth!

–Baruch College

Overheard by: kteezy

Man on cell: What the fuck was in that Chipotle last night?

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Steve

Preppy teenage boy to friend: Dude, so then I took her to Applebee's. She thought it was so romantic–like "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" status.

–Hunter

Overheard by: Hakuna Matata

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Ethnic Food, Food, Friends, Hunter, Jews, Kids, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Preppies, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Singing, Street, Teens, Time, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Jennifer Wednesday-One-Liner Hewitt

Eight-year-old girl to eight-year-old friend: You see, I love him, but I can't make that kind of commitment right now.

–Carroll Gardens

Lone suit, shaking fists in air: Why do fools fall in love?!

–Wall Street

Overheard by: poisonivy

Woman to neighbor, shouting out of the window: She's an idiot! She knows the man's a fucking bullshit artist, and she's in love with him!

–Hoffman St & 187th

Inebriated, tattooed man on cell: You fuckin' love me?! You fuckin' know what? That's fuckin' unreal, you know why?! Because you fuckin' don't!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Cara

Sallow, skinny, melancholy tattooed dude: Looking for love in all the wrong places… That's why I was after her ass.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Arts & Letters, Ass, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Love, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Port Authority, Questions, Skinny People, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women