Wednesday One-Liners' Prints and DNA Are on File

Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!

–W 17th St

Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal

Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?

–Mid-Manhattan Library

Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.

–Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: Miss V

Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.

–Brooklyn

Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.

–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lucy

High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.

–Grand St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Library, Love, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Prison, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Think They Are Drinking Responsibly

Girl, as friends individually dart across street: The drunks go marching one by one, hooray, hooray!

–49th & 2nd

20-something blonde on cell outside bar: Are you drinking tonight? If not, I just want to see where you're at. Yeah, I'm drinking. I told you there's nothing I wouldn't do with you!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: maria

Girl on cell: I really miss being hungover with you. Some of my best moments were spent hungover with you…

–Union Square

Overheard by: winkinthecity

Girl, getting out of car: Man, I can't drink no more, but I tell you, I feel fiiiiiiinnneee. (girl gets back in car, which drives away)

–69th St & Narrows Ave

Overheard by: Domi

Youngish guy to youngish gal: Well, that won't stop her, she can drink through the window!

–6th Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Relationships, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…Xanax?

Petite, haggard woman, suddenly changing subject: All the same, one day she's going to get stabbed.
Placid library lady: It'll work itself out. But yes, she's a bitch.
Petite, haggard woman, practically shaking: But deep down, he loves me.
Placid library lady: Sweetie, sometimes you need to let these things work themselves out.

–186th St & Hughes

Posted on March 12, 2010
Clerks, Insults, Love, Stab, The Bronx, Women

Mumbling in Public Like That

Woman: I gave you my heart and you shitted on me!
Man: (mumbles almost inaudibly)
Woman: Come upstairs and stop causing a scene!

–Stoop, Ridgewood

Overheard by: Um…

Posted on March 7, 2010
Love, Men, Queens, Relationships, Women

We'd Like to Thank Wednesday One-Liner for This Emmy

Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.

–R Train

Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: melissa

Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.

–Union Square

Overheard by: smoking on the stoop

Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.

–17th St & Broadway

Posted on March 3, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Christians, Compare/Contrast, Computer, Crazies, Education, Fat People, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Hobos, Jesus, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Science, Street, Stupidity, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

“I'm a Wednesday One-Liners, I'm a Lover, I'm a Child, I'm a Mother…”

Young mother to toddler son, about creepy man on train: Don't be like him when you grow up. Guys like him don't get a lotta bitches."

–4 Train

Overheard by: Mollie Reznick

JAP to companion: Gosh, I hate her. She's such a bitch. No, we haven't met before. I don't want to meet her; she's a bitch.

–L Train

Overheard by: high school was so two years ago

Woman leaving voicemail: Don't worry about the page 6 thing. It'll blow over, then we'll bury that bitch!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: David G

Gangsta: So then I had my wedding ring melted down and put in my mouth. So every time that bitch saw me smile, she saw my ring.

–A Train

Overheard by: jm

LIRR commuter: And look, I love my daughter to death, but that girl is a *bitch*!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Andy

Posted on February 24, 2010
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Death, Fashion, Gangstas, Gripes, Insults, JAPs, Kids, Love, Marriage, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Penn Station, Relationships, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Ten Bucks Says She Goes Home and Tweets Excitedly About the Rude New Yorker

20-something tourist chick, screaming: I love New York!
20-something preppy black guy: Well, it doesn't love you back, so shut the fuck up.

–7th Ave & W 55th St

Overheard by: KC

Posted on February 19, 2010
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Black People, Comebacks, Insults, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Only in New York, Preppies, Tourism, Tourists

Says It'd Be a Family Reunion, Not a Threesome

14-year-old girl #1: I'm in love with my cousin and he says he likes me back.
14-year-old girl #2: You can't help who you like.
14-year-old girl #1: I'm only telling you because I know you won't judge me. He says he loves his girlfriend but he wants to be with me too.

–Uptown 4 Train

Posted on February 11, 2010
Family Ties, Infidelity, Love, On the Subway, Teens, Wishes & desires

Only If I Go Armed

Girl #1: My boyfriend is so romantic, he's taking me to a private wine-tasting!
Girl #2: Doesn't that violate your probation?

–5th & 7th, Brooklyn

Posted on January 31, 2010
Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Love

Early in Life, Girls Start Drafting a Long List Of Requirements

Four-year-old blond girl: Can we get whipped cream?
Dad: No, we don't need whipped cream.
Four-year-old blond girl: All you need is whipped cream!
Dad: No, honey, All You Need Is Love.
Four-year-old blond girl: No! All you need is whipped cream! And kitties!
Dad: (laughs)
Four-year-old blond girl: All you need is kitties! All you need is kitties!

–Trader Joe's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kristin Ostby

Posted on January 18, 2010
Brooklyn, Dads, Food, Gay Man's Best Friend, Grocery Stores, Kids, Laughter, Love, Music, Parents