Yelling wife: You made a promise. You're my husband.
Husband: Can we do this later?
Yelling wife: No, I made the worst mistake of my life marrying you. Take your ring… go.
–F Train
Yelling wife: You made a promise. You're my husband.
Husband: Can we do this later?
Yelling wife: No, I made the worst mistake of my life marrying you. Take your ring… go.
–F Train
Man on cell: What do we got?
Hobo: Get broke and die, that’s what we got!
A minute later.
Woman passerby: Who?
Hobo: My dick, that’s who!
–Jane & 8th
Overheard by: yassira
Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.
–33rd St, Astoria
Overheard by: Ferna
Teen to another: Barack Obama said, "pull your pants up!"
–Broadway & 72nd St
NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.
–Weinstein Hall, NYU
Border's employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.
–Borders
Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that "no pants" party.
–Astoria
Man: I just like to smoke crack, get naked and fuck young boys. Is that wrong?
Woman: That is very wrong.
–East Village
Man #1, pointing to hobo with Down's Syndrome: Hey, that's that one guy from that tv show…
Man #2: Who? That bum?
Man #1: Yeah, that's that whatsits–that Corky guy. Y'know, with the mongoloid syndrome.
Man #2: Wow…
–Houston & Varick
Overheard by: Houston Lunch
Man: I directed a show at a musical theatre awards dinner last night. All the great, older musical writers were there: Kander, Ebbs, everyone. You should see their wives. They’re gorgeous.
Woman: They have wives? I thought they were gay.
Man: Oh, no. They’re Jewish.
–LES
Man: So he was like, a male prostitute?
Woman: Yeah.
Man: He must have been a pretty good lookin' guy!
–40th St & 7th Ave
Lady hawking for Equinox Gym: Hey, are you interested in a membership?
Man: No, I live in Denmark.
Lady hawking for Equinox Gym: Well, we have a location in Paris. That's not too far, right?
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Matt
Man #1: You can’t hesitate with that shit, man. You gotta bang and be out.
Man #2: Yo, you gotta bang and blow.
–111th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: M.G.
30-something #1: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?
30-something #2: Getting high and masturbating.
30-something #1: Man, married life is great.
–Palladium Gym, NYU
Headline by: Pseudonym
Runners-Up:
· “Because she’s out shopping for a vibrator” – trish
· “He celebrates Palm Sunday the same way” – Kate
· “He’s An Up & Comer” – Rod W
· “Little Johnny took the comeback “If you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” a little too seriously.” – Cloud
· “When Harry Met Righty” – Vasyl
