The Wednesday One-Liner Diet Doesn't Work

Little girl to sister: It has 140 calories in it, that could like… kill you.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Blonde girl on phone: Yeah, I need to lose like 30 pounds but the problem is that I got my body used to food.

–224th St & Jamaica Avenue

Teen girl, after being caught with empty beer cans: No! Trust me, it wasn't me. I don't drink beer, it has way too many calories!

–Park Slope

40-something mom to chubby daughter with YMCA gymnastics shirt: Don't eat here, go to CVS! Get some mints… you'll be fine.

–Wendy's At Metropolitan Ave. and Woodhaven Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Very old, overweight mother to old less overweight daughter: I need to lose 20 pounds, but you, you need to lose 40 pounds. When you're as skinny as her (points at woman working at register), then I'll buy you carrot cake!

–168th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Women in Morbidly obesity couple walking hand in hand. The woman says "harry, I hate it when we're on separate starvation schedules."

–7th St & First Ave

Posted on August 26, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Fat People, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Moms, Murder, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Psychology, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sisters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners

I'm Not Humming – It's These Corduroy Pants

Morbidly obese daughter: She yelled at me and told me to stop.
Morbidly obese mother: Ignore her, you just keep humming.

–Greenwich St & Horatio St

Overheard by: way to parent.

Headline by: Ron D.

Runners-Up:
· “…Like a Fridge” – Paul Tabachneck
· “Fat Girls Give the Best Hummers” – KJM
· “It’s the Only Exercise You Get Anyway” – amy the rat
· “The Subway Ride Ain’t Over Till the Fat Lady Hums” – sammie
· “What Are the Odds That There’s a McDonald’s at Greenwich & Horatio?” – Rich

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on August 24, 2009
Advice, Families, Fat People, Headline Contest Winners, Moms, Parents, Singing, The Village

I'll Pass That on to Your Dad, Honey

Mother: People that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Seven-year-old son: They shouldn't be naked either.
Mother: Um, that too.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Rob A.

Posted on August 21, 2009
Advice, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Moms, Nudity, Parents, Penn Station

Insists on Wearing Crocs

Friend pushing cart to little girl: Get your feet out of the way! C'mon!
Mom of little girl: No, it's okay. She don't love her feet.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jaxx

Posted on August 20, 2009
Body Parts, Friends, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Weirdness

Why Do You Think So Many Post-apocalyptic Thrillers Are Filmed in New York?

Southern tourist daughter: Mommy, why can't we just get off at Jamaica? Aren't there sunny beaches there? Why's it all so cloudy?
Southern tourist mother: Because we're on the subway to go to the Liberty Statue tour, honey bunches.
(short pause)
Southern tourist daughter: But why's everything so damaged?

–LIRR

Posted on August 17, 2009
Families, Moms, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Southerners, Statue of Liberty, Stupidity, Tourism, Trains Not Subway, Weather

Translation: “I Can't Wait to Move Away from You”

Mother: So it goes Groton, Exeter, then Andover. That's your priority list right?
Five-year-old boy: Right.

–88th St & Lexington Ave

Posted on August 14, 2009
Education, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, School and studying, Upper East Side

You Know Things Are Bad When You Have to Be Reminded You're a Pedophile

Hipster guy: So, are you doing anything tomorrow night?
Girl: I don't think so.
Hipster guy: Cool. I'll get you the address for the place my band is playing at. We can hang afterwards.
Girl: Awesome!
Girl's mom, to hipster: Don't bother. She's 17. And you're a pedophile.
Hipster guy: Oh. Right. Sorry. (leaves)
Girl: Goddamn it, mom! You're such a fucking cockblock!

–Jules Jazz Bar

Overheard by: Millie