…According to Our Pastor.

Kid: Why is it raining so much?
Mom: The rain is god's tears, because Michael Jackson is dead.

–Livingston & Court, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jen W.

Posted on August 6, 2009
About Celebrities, Brooklyn, Crying, Death, God, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Weather

She Eats Dinner at 4:30 P.M.

Mom: You should find a nice girl to settle down with! Why don't you ask that girl you work with to dinner sometime?
Smartass teen: Because she's in her 70s.

–Serendipity's

Posted on August 4, 2009
Age/Aging, Dating, Moms, Parents, Questions, Store, Teens

As Long As It Isn't from AIDS, Sweetie

Mother: Do you need to buy some condoms?
Daughter: What? No, I am not talking about condoms with my mom. This will not happen. (mother drifts over to the condom shelf)
Daughter: No, no, no, no! What are you doing! Stop it! Stop it now! Oh god, you're actually considering the brands! Why are you… this is murder! You're killing me. You are actually killing me! I am going to die, and it will be all your fault!

–Walgreens

Overheard by: Moms, man.

Posted on August 2, 2009
Condoms, Death, Girls, Moms, Murder, Parents, Questions, Store, Stupidity

Dakota Learns How to Get Some Breathing Room

Little girl: Mom?
Helicopter mother: Yes, honey? Are you all right? Are the trains too noisy for you?
Little girl: Mom, guess what?
Helicopter mother: What is it, sweetie pie?
Little girl: Mom, I have a vagina!
Helicopter mother: (opens mouth in shock)

–South Ferry Train Station

Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny

Posted on August 2, 2009
Kids, Moms, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Train Station, Vagina

Mmm, Minty!

Small child, pointing to douches: What are those, mommy?
Mischievous teen, intervening: Candy.

–Downtown CVS

Posted on August 1, 2009
Food, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Store, Teens

I Found Your Memoirs, Mom

Hyper small child: I like standing up!
Sitting harried mother: Great.
Small child: Look! I'm twirling!
Harried mother: That's wonderful.
Small child: I know all about the world!
Harried mother: You are very smart.
Small child: I know all about science! I know all about geishas!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on August 1, 2009
Kids, Moms, Parents, Prostitution, Science, Times Square

And It Looked Funny, 'cause They All Had Mustaches

Child: I turned on the channel and then mommy started yelling “no, no, turn it off!”
Mother: She found a porn channel.
Child: I liked it, because everyone was kissing.

–Penn Station

Posted on July 30, 2009
Families, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Moms, Parents, Penn Station, Porn, TV

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"

–85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Whitney Simmons

Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: CreateEvity

NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!

–Washington Square Park

Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!

–Centre St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.

–Front St.

Overheard by: Aviva

Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.

–Flatbush & Lincoln