Lady: Yeah, I mean I’m looking for something that is a fit for me. Ya know, you’re either an East Side girl or a West Side girl… there’s really no in-between.
Real estate agent: Right, right, I understand. That’s why I’m here.
Lady: Because you know, I don’t want to be surrounded by frat bros and their yoga moms.
Real estate: Understandable, I wouldn’t subject anyone to that.
–Starbucks, 57th & Lexington
Overheard by: trying to get caffeine fix
Tourist wife (looking at map): Avenue of the Americas… That’s the one with all the stars and the handprints in the cement, right?
Tourist husband (with a tone of superiority): No, that’s Broadway.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Caroline
Gay Asian #1: The guys here are really different from the guys I see in the East Village.
Gay Asian #2: Well, all the guys here have jobs.
Gay Asian #1: Oh… True.
–Vlada, Hell’s Kitchen
Daughter: Huh? I thought the Bronx was on the mainland.
Mother: You may be right.
Daughter: How do you not know?! You lived there!
Mother: Things have change since then.
–LIRR
[Guy walks by and elbows girl in head.]Girl: Ow!
[A drunk girl is passing by.]Drunk girl: I’m sorry!
Girl: No, some guy just elbowed me in the head.
Drunk girl: Don’t worry about it. One time I met this guy here and went home with him, but it turned out he lived in Brooklyn. And he was fat.
–Bar, 14th & Ave A
Sassy gay guy: Have you seen how ghetto the Upper East Side has gotten?
Girl in yoga clothes: Um.
Sassy gay guy: And everyone is a bitch. A freakin’ nun pushed me out of her way one time.
Girl in yoga clothes: Ha! Really?!
Sassy gay guy: Yes mam! [Snaps his fingers.] So I pushed her all the way down, girl. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m not Catholic!
–50th & Broadway
Bimbette: So yesterday he called me to tell me that he’s going to beat my ass, and then he calls me today to ask if he can use my CD player.
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Robert
Seven-year-old girl: She better watch herself before I pimp slap her.
–Amsterdam Projects
Girl, to rest of her punk skater group: But I be like: "Bitch, I don’t skate… I just beat bitches with it."
–Astor Place & Broadway
Overheard by: Jynx
Lady on cell: Is someone else going to smack you?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Krisztina
Man on cell: What… You flubbed what? Listen dude, I’m in midtown, but it’s too far a cab ride to come beat a grown man’s ass.
–W Hotel, 49th & Lex
Overheard by: Miami Hitman
Bus driver to angry man: You want a piece of this? There are 26 places on the body that can kill you instantly. I can hit 4 in one shot. You wanna dance?!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: nora!
Dude on cell: I’m okay with it. As long as nobody slaps me or calls me gay or spits on me. Those are my three things. As long as nobody does those three things.
–21st St & 8th Ave
Asian girl: You gave me the gay!
–C Train
Overheard by: Jordan
Female cop to male cop: You a queer? For real, you queer? You a queer? You a queer? Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. [Nods.]
–C Train
Barnard girl to friends: I don’t think he’s gay, I just think he has problems having sex with women.
–Columbia University Steps
Overheard by: John Jay
Man to friend: See, I told you this was a gay neighborhood, look at all the women!
–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: glekapolis
Loudly homophobic guy: Gay! Gay! My ass hurts from watching that preview!
–AMC Theater, Times Square
Overheard by: Lo
Girl to friends, while walking past bar: Oh, this is the place I got drunk at, then woke up in Queens.
–40th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse
Drunk Italian guy, entering uptown NRW station: Uptown and Queens? That’s where all the pussy is!
–23rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Zarek
Middle-aged black woman on phone: I can see all Queens from up in here, nigga. Aw, damn, I can see that Rhode Island shit now.
–Roosevelt Island Tram
Overheard by: Jack Fleming
20-Something hipster girl on cell: Why do you have to get off the phone? You’re eating? Again? You big fat ass… God, I hate Queens.
–Queens Bridge
Overheard by: SL
Conductor over loudspeaker: You are now on the N train running to Queens… Unlike yesterday when I was in Queens running the train on all of youse. Enjoy.
–N Train
Overheard by: Kevin
Voice from dressing room stall: I am at a Sears in Queens. S. O. S.
–Sears, Rego Park, Queens
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy: Wait, what part of New York is Chicago in?
Girl: What?! Chicago isn’t in New York! Chicago is its own state.
Guy: No, it’s not a state! It’s called the “windy city.”
Girl: Oh, right. I guess it is in New York then.
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Hang on, I’ll look it up on my blackberry.
–Fordham University
