Middle-Aged guy #1: Ted, is that you?! You look great, you’re tan, you’re thin–what happened?!
Middle-Aged guy #2: I moved to LA last year. I’m just in town for business.
Middle-Aged guy #1: Of course!
–57th & 1st
Overheard by: Pale CT mess
Middle-Aged guy #1: Ted, is that you?! You look great, you’re tan, you’re thin–what happened?!
Middle-Aged guy #2: I moved to LA last year. I’m just in town for business.
Middle-Aged guy #1: Of course!
–57th & 1st
Overheard by: Pale CT mess
Queer: When I get stoned, my grundle itches.
–6 train
Overheard by: sheerah
Street vendor, gesturing to enormous bong: No, no…this one is for tobacco.
–St. Mark’s
Elderly man: People are stupid! They don’t do pot!
–R train
Stoned guy: Man, why do chip manufacturers always put the crumbs at the bottom of the bag?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bernard black
Teenage gangsta: Yo, when I was in the shower, it totally tasted like weed. For real.
–Lafayette & Houston
Passenger: If you see a suspicious package or activity on the platform or train, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell a cop or an MTA employee or me. There might be some money or some weed in there.
–4 train
Overheard by: Mike
Long-haired dude, picking up a cigarette butt: Man, that’s not what I wanted to smoke.
–72nd & Columbus
Overheard by: clarence rosario
Old woman inside apartment: You gotta come here and look at this!
Old man: Do I gotta put my pants on to come see it?
–80th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jo
Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.
–Time Warner Center
Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.
–Target, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: barbat
Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!–52nd & 5th
Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!–125th StOverheard by: slightly intrigued
Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.
–24th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Girl on cell: Oh my God, my love handles are out of control. When I was getting ready tonight, my fat got caught in my zipper.
–49th & 2nd
Overweight girl: Guys don’t know what they’re missing. There’s some fine pussy under this gut!
–Queens College
Overheard by: Jimbob Watson
Old Italian woman: If I die fat, whatever. Just as long as I make everyone else fat before I go, that’s fine. They can diet after I’m gone. Just keep my recipes is all I’m sayin’, ya know?
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Guy: There should be more laws about people on planes. I once had to sit next to this really fat guy. He was so unapologetic about it! The rogue fat was spilling onto me.
–G train
Shrewd observer, commenting on NYU freshmen: They’re so ugly, and a lot of them haven’t started smoking yet so they’re really fat.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Little girl to large woman at paper towel dispenser: I didn’t get any, stupid fat lady!
–Women’s restroom, Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Robyn Z
Art student: You ever seen a fat guy fall on a car? Like, the car just happened to be there?
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: TeN22
Mother: Bitches, get your asses over here!
Son #1: There’s no seats.
Mother: There’s one right here next to me.
Son #2: I wanna sit next to him.
Mother: I said, motherfuckers, get your asses over here. I don’t want to sit by myself.
Son #1: There’s nowhere to sit!
Mother: I said, get over here. I don’t want to sit by myself. I don’t know no one over here!
Older woman: Don’t no one make friends with her.
–A train
Overheard by: Rehey
Old tourist lady #1: Nobody looks at you here. Nobody looks into your eyes.
Old tourist lady #2: They probably would if we were better looking.
–Midtown
Older woman, irritatedly: What do you mean, he has a beaver?
Younger woman, soothingly: Beeper. He has a beeper.
–Hudson St, West Village
Young woman: So you got any kids?
Older man: Nope, no kids.
Young woman: What about grandkids?
–1 Penn Plaza
Overheard by: Toastmaster
Kid: What’s that?
Grandma: That’s the belly button. It helps you breathe.
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
