Mother: Okay, now when we get to the movie theater, your mother needs to go to the bathroom… No groaning!
Little boy, groaning: You have to pee, like, eight times a day! And on the airplane, you get up, like, 10 times!
Mother: Well, I drink a lot of water.
Little boy: And wine.
Mother: Well…
–M104 bus
Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!
–Wagner College
5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.
–98th & Broadway
Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."
–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side
Overheard by: Lindsey Miller
Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."
–E Houston St & Lafayette St,
Overheard by: Teddy
"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"
–M66
Overheard by: Charley
Caribbean woman #1: …and so I tol’ him, “You betta take your balls, put them in your hand, and do ya job.”
Caribbean woman #2: Mmm hmm.
–Q33 bus
Dad: See, that’s why the bus has stopped. Look at all those people getting on the bus.
Little boy: Zombies! They’re all zombies! Millions and millions of zombies!
–M15 Bus
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.
–39th & Lex
Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?
–Museum of Natural History
Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: CocteauBoy
5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?
–59th between Broadway & 7th
Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub
Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.
–American Wing Cafe, the Met
Overheard by: guingel
MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Brewster
Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Jon A.
Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jon
Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.
–53rd & Broadway
Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.
–Q101 bus
Overheard by: Kaleena
Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.
–14th St 1 station
Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!
–59th & 7th
Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”
–The Strand, Broadway
Overheard by: Miss Parker
Girl #1: I wonder where Austria is.
Girl #2: It must be by Australia, because they sound the same.
–Bus
Overheard by: David
Bus driver, just before departing for Boston: Peace, love, and if no one's said it to you today, I love you.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Nina
Bus driver: Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? If so, you're too close to the front. Move to the back of the bus, back of the bus…I'll be here til 2 in the morning, I have plenty of time.
–M86 Bus
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
MTA bus driver to woman with a kid: Excuse me, you have to pay for your kid to ride this train. See the line where your hand is? If he is shorter than that line, then he doesn't have to pay. But he is taller, and he has to pay. (woman and kid walk off bus, now he addresses passengers) But on a lighter note, happy New Year.
–M86 Train
Overheard by: Melissa
Bus driver of crowded bus: This is Madison avenue. Get off! I mean…watch your step.
–Bus, 86th St
Overheard by: Michael
Bus driver: This is the last stop, Queens Center. If you are going shopping today, I hope you find everything you are looking for. Also, please be nice to the salespeople. It's not easy dealing with people day after day. I should know, I'm a bus driver.
–Q88 Bus
Overheard by: Jenn
A small boy on the bus is flicking a flashlight.
Boy: Laser!
Geeky guy across the aisle: I think that’s shaped more like a light saber.
Boy: Light saber!
–M104 bus
Overheard by: Andrew
Bus driver: Anyone on here who speaks Russian? I need someone to tell this lady that her transfer is already on the card. Anyone on here who speaks Russian?…Please tell her that her transfer is on the card.
Woman: The transfer is on your card.
Bus driver: In Russian! In Russian! I coulda told her that in English!
–B82 bus
Girl #1: I just don’t think I’m his type. He’s very intellectual.
Girl #2: What do you mean?
Girl #1: He’s all “yada yada yada” and I’m very “What’s your favorite Starburst?”
–Cosi, 31st & Park
Overheard by: Clara
Girl #1: Ha, ha, you said first was the worst.
Girl #2: No, I said, “first was the burst.”
Girl #1: What the heck does that mean?
Girl #2: It means…Starburst.
–M104 bus
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
