On the Bus

But isn’t Canada the Party School?

Frantic, screaming child: But I wanna transfer. I wanna transfer!
Calm mother: And where do you wanna transfer to?
Child: Australia.

–crosstown bus, 72nd St

Overheard by: steven
Headline by: woo hoo

Runners-Up:
· “And Try To Get Through Samoa at Rush Hour?” – Greg Costello
· “But It’s Always So Early There” – Kelsey
· “Kangaroos seek 21st century juvies for fun, romance.” – sidruid
· “Kids Say The Crikiest Things!” – josh
· “She drank a lot of Foster’s during pregnancy” – lc
· “This is why you should beat your children” – Adam
· “We Brits would have sent him for free in the old days” – Iain, London

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

In Twenty Years, the Only Music That Will Offend Parents Will Be Show Tunes

Girl, singing: Take me on! I’ll be gone, in a day or twooo!
Mother: I couldn’t stand that crap when it was released. Now you’re screaming it in my ear? I’d rather hear that shit they play nowadays, even if it’s disgusting and perverted. Why can’t you sing that?

–M96 bus

Overheard by: Treesha

Hobo Cart is the New Haute Couture

Asian chick: So, like, what do people at your school wear?
Parsons guy: It varies. Some people dress like they’re homeless, and some dress really trendy, and there’s one girl that dresses like a gnome. You know, a fairy or something.

–Fung Wah bus

Throw Her From the Train

Old woman: What, you want to push me out the window?
Old man: I would, but unfortunately you won’t fit.
Old woman: Bastard.

–M31 bus

There’s No Gold Medal in This Competition

Teen boy: What kind of trains are those?
Woman: They’re called the PATH. They go to places like New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Long Island.
Teen boy: How about Staten Island?
Woman: Whatchu wanna go there for?

–M101 bus

Overheard by: Kimberly Johnson

No, She’s Just Blind

Latina girl with empty seat next to her: This whole ride nobody’s sat down in this seat. This bus is gonna be packed before a white person sits in this seat.

Three stops later, a white girl sits down in the seat.

Latina girl, approvingly: Gangsta.

–M15 bus

Overheard by: Emily Duncanson

… Sometimes I Slip Maker’s Mark into the Rotation

Mother: Okay, now when we get to the movie theater, your mother needs to go to the bathroom… No groaning!
Little boy, groaning: You have to pee, like, eight times a day! And on the airplane, you get up, like, 10 times!
Mother: Well, I drink a lot of water.
Little boy: And wine.
Mother: Well…

–M104 bus

Wednesday One-Liners for Ralph Nader… Not!

Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!

–Wagner College

5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jen

Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.

–98th & Broadway

Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."

–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side

Overheard by: Lindsey Miller

Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."

–E Houston St & Lafayette St,

Overheard by: Teddy

"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"

–M66

Overheard by: Charley

Nice Work If You Can Get It

Caribbean woman #1: …and so I tol’ him, “You betta take your balls, put them in your hand, and do ya job.”
Caribbean woman #2: Mmm hmm.

–Q33 bus

They’re Just Listening to iPods, Sweetie

Dad: See, that’s why the bus has stopped. Look at all those people getting on the bus.
Little boy: Zombies! They’re all zombies! Millions and millions of zombies!

–M15 Bus

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