Eight-year-old girl: Why you gotta be yap-yap-yapping all the time on your phone?
15-year-old sister: Shut up! You crazy!
Eight-year-old: Oh, yeah? You a como!
15-year-old sister: What the hell is a ‘como’? That’s not even a word!
Eight-year-old: Yes it is! ‘Co-‘ like ‘cold,’ and ‘mo-‘ like ‘mole,’ on your face!
15-year-old sister: Crazy…
Eight-year-old: You a como. I ain’t crazy [gives sister the finger].
–Bx15 bus
FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary!
–34th & 10th
Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance
Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Moy
(guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay.
–E Train
Overheard by: Sleepy
Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there!
–B54 Bus
Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery.
–Gramercy Park
Whiny old man: I hate the cold. I get so cold I hafta take a hot shower every night. How 'bout you?
Old woman: Well, Eddy, you're supposed to take showers all the time.
Whiny old man: How about that OJ Simpson?
–B3 Bus
Overheard by: Laura E.
Drunk queer: I am not gay! Just remind me of that later.
–Bushwick
Overheard by: uninvited party guest
Lemming: Are we still following the Gaylords or are we becoming Independent?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Midwesterner: I had a dream that I had a lot of funny faggot friends. It was so much fun! Then I woke up.
–Avents
Metrosexual: So, I’m thinking of becoming gay. What about you? Are you still gay?
–35th & Broadway
Chick on cell: I mean, when it’s just the two of us, he’s really gay — and I’m talking gayer than you — and frankly, that’s gay… And I don’t understand why he can’t just be that gay on stage… So hey, did you hear about that plane crash? Yeah… yeah… yeah, New Yorkers are really sensitive to planes crashing into buildings — something must have happened a while ago or something… Yeah, so I think I’m going to have sex with that guy from Craigslist… Although, he is ten years older than me, so if he’s looking for commitment he can have sex with me while he’s looking… It is not trashy — you can’t do anything trashy in your early 20s. I still have four more years until I have to even start thinking about being too trashy… Hey, can I call you back? I have to call my mom.
–10 express bus
French woman: So this Gaydar… It is like a radar? For the gays?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Latina on cell: I’ll fucking kill him. I will. I’ll fucking kill him. I don’t know. No. He’s not. I just hate it that he thinks he can treat you like that. I mean, I’ll fucking kill him even though he’s a man, you know? I’ll fucking walk up to him and, like, stab him or something. Fuck yeah, I got a knife. I mean, maybe he’s gay, though. That must be it. He’s gay. No, no, no. He’s gay.. He has to be. No, I know he is. It’s a fact. That’s the only thing that makes sense, right? I mean, what other option is there?
–Graham Ave, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Following Quietly Behind
Man #1: Open the door!
Bus driver: Go to the back door!
Man #1: …Open up!
Man #2: Let this guy on!
Man #3: Open the door!
Bus driver: Back door’s broken! Ha, ha, ha!
She hits the gas pedal.
–Q train shuttle bus
Old lady: My grandson Brad and his Jewish wife had a baby.
Old man: That’s very nice. And they’re all doing well?
Old lady: I guess.
Old man: What is the baby’s name?
Old lady: I don’t know. Some long Jewish name.
Teenager: They named her ‘Amy,’ Grandma. Her name is Amy.
–M42 bus
Girl: So I went over to their place and it was a bunch of super-flowery lesbians watching high school musical.
Guy: That sounds interesting.
Girl: Yeah, then they made me pork and beans, which was nice.
–M15 Bus
Bus driver on intercom as it starts to rain: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey… C’mon, everybody!
Entire bus, singing: You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you — please don’t take my sunshine away.
Chick: I think that was the least-New York moment of my entire life.
–M79 bus
Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?
–Central Park
Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.
–B54 Bus
Overheard by: Alma Molato
Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!
–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: The New York Crank
Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!
–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick
Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!
–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th
Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.
–Blockbuster, Broadway
Woman: …get on the bus because I’m running late for work.
Crazy lady: I don’t give a rat’s ass if you’re late for work! I don’t care if you get to work and your boss punches you in the face and breaks your nose! I have the right to look for a seat!
Bus: …
Crazy lady storms off the next bus.
Woman: Every day she does that. I can’t take it anymore.
–X37 bus
