Wednesday One-Liners in a Garden State of Mind

Cute queer to hot Asian friend: I would rather have you drive drunk and stay at a friend's place in Manhattan then take a cab back to Jersey.

–Manhattan

Professor: For Muslims, the afterlife is more real to them than it is to me or you. For them, dying is like…going to New Jersey. Beautiful New Jersey.

–Stern Building, NYU

Overheard by: Emily

Trashy girl (knocking on door of a convenience store that just closed): Yo, let me in! I just want to buy a Heineken before I go back to New Jersey!

–W 108th & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: MR

Construction worker to people exiting PATH station: You're from Jersey! You should be happy!

–Vesey St & Church St

20-something on cell: I'm at Penn station and there are so many guidos and guidettes on their way back to Jersey. Watching them is like watching babies stuck in a McDonald's ball pit.

–Penn Station

NJ Transit worker: You'd be surprised how many honest people there are in New Jersey.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Jersey Girl

Conductor: This is a Jersey bound Q train. Oh shiiiiit.

–Brooklyn Bound Q Train

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Insults, Islam, Manhattan, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Subway conductors, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Believe You Have Their Red Swingline Stapler

Black suit on cell : What'cha mean you can't get a job? Tupac's been dead for years and the nigga's still putting out albums!

–Center St & Pearl St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Friendly suit to friend: It's not about getting the work done! It's about…well, I don't know what it's about.

–Vessey & Broadway

Overheard by: mondo man

Suit in next office: Okay, I have officially hated today! (phone rings) No! Fuck you!

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Guy on cell: So, did you find me a job yet? (pause) Well, I want something that isn't challenging, pays well, and doesn't care when I show up.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Cori

Guy on cell (about to start bank teller shift): Come on and hurry up. I'm trying to get drunk before I start my second job.

–Chase Bank, Times Square

Young woman yelling into cell after being refused entrance: Goddamn, whose dick I got to suck to get my career started? Tell me where they at!

–Lobby, Herald Square Towers

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bank, BJs, Black People, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Death, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Suits, Times Square, White People

Despite Their Mutual Love Of Cardigans

20-something girl: So was he like that in real life?
20-something guy: Yeah. Everyone loved Mr Rogers. No one was like, “He's really a bitch,” like with Rachael Ray.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Quilty

Posted on September 2, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Questions, TV

TiVo: Oh Fuck, Not This Again

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured passenger.
Heavy-set African American lady: Is you serious? I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured customer on the tracks.
Heavy-set African American lady: They better pick him up and get him off them tracks or I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train has collided with a customer on the tracks. We are waiting for the police to investigate. Please be patient.
Heavy-set African American lady: Good thing I got that TiVo…

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Noel Coward

Posted on September 1, 2008
Accidents, Black People, Default, Gadgets, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Time, TV, Women

The Six Train's Your Escape Pod to Smallville

Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: No, you wanna be a police officer.
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Superman's not real.
Four-year-old: They say I can be whateva I want, I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Oh, I'm sorry lil' man. You Superman.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Chris K

Posted on August 31, 2008
Apologies, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dads, Default, Kids, On the Subway, Superheroes, Wishes & desires

At Least She Always Has a Place to Keep Her Purse

College guy #1: Wanna see the best dildo ever?
(shows a digital camera screen to his friend)
College guy #2: Awesome, did you sit on it?
College guy #1: No, but Alissa did, her pussy is so wide.
College guy #2: So true.

–F Line

Posted on August 31, 2008
Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Frat Boys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Vagina, Weirdness

Legally, They Can't Deprive Me of My Liberty

Girl: She wants me to make a distribution e-mail for four people!
Gay: You better do it.
Girl: Or what? They'll take away my blow-up Statue of Liberty desk statue?

–6 Train

Posted on August 30, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Internet, Office politics, On the Subway, Queer guys

You Mean France— She's from France!

Girl #1: How much is a train ride?
Girl #2 (in disbelief): Two dollars.
Girl #1: Well, I don't know these things. I'm from Jersey.
Girl #2: Shhhhhhhhhhhh!

–A Train

Overheard by: It's okay, we knew you were Jersey

Posted on August 29, 2008
Default, Girls, Money & Class, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions

Jeez, Even They Can't Understand Each Other

Conductor on PA: (unintelligible)
Driver on PA: Uh, could you say that again, partner? I didn't get that.
Conductor: I *said* (unintelligible)!
Driver: Never mind.

–D Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on August 29, 2008
Coworkers, Default, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Subway conductors, Words

Mild-Mannered Wednesday by Day. One-Liner by Night.

Chick on cell: Do you prefer the superhero theme to us in only aprons, holding penis cakes?

–Garden of Eden Supermarket, 107th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

White guy to white girl: Wait, you'd be proud to be supermanned by me?

–D Train

(at the superhero fashion exhibit, in front of Catwoman's display)
Man to little kid: Oh, and look! She has a whip. I wonder what that's for…

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: EK

Black guy on cell: Nigga, you can't be James Bond and Batman, you pick which one you are.

–Smith & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ewan Walsh

Girl on cell: Am I gonna need to drug you, put you in a superhero costume, and snap photos?

–Halloween Adventure Store

Overheard by: McF

Batman to four-year-old who jumped out from behind a table: Evan, don't sneak up on me. Superheroes are wound very tight.

–Birthday party, Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: PG

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Pictures, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Superheroes, The Met, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People

On the Subway