Wednesday One-Liners Are in It for the 72 Virgins

Hobo: The best way to fight terrorism is not with guns and bombs, but with beer and porno. Beer and porno!

–34th & 3rd

Man walking a black terrier to woman walking a brown terrier: Do you think the word "terrorist" came from the word "terrier"?

–22nd & 2nd

Grand Central loudspeaker: Will Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk… Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk.

–Grand Central Food Court

Overheard by: Reilly

Black guy: How the fuck can you curse a stadium? With a shirt? How the fuck do you do that? Tell me how that’s done! Y’all warlocks and shit? Ain’t no one can curse no one else. Cause none of you are warlocks! And if you were a fucking warlock why you cursing the fucking Yankees? Fuck, why don’t we curse Bin Laden? Send him a shirt?

–Downtown E Train

Overheard by: Withnail

Mom to child: You’ll either become a terrorist or a smelly homeless person! (child lowers his head in shame)

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Passerby

Hobo: Bush is a terrorist. Him and his father blew up WTC. (looks at Asian man) Jackie Chan is my friend. When you go to Hong Kong, tell him I said hi.

–7 Train

Posted on June 25, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Clothing, Crazy, Drinking & Drunk People, Grand Central, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Men, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Porn, President, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Terrorism, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, War, We Love Our Pets, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Will Bust a Cap in Your Ass

Shy sounding suit: You know how you get your fingerprints off the gun? You pee on it, the prints wipe right off. Most people don’t know that.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Two Fingaz

Dude: You’re starting to sound like that guy with the gun on your dad’s video.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Latina teenager to friend: I don’t know why we can’t be having duels anymore. Enough fighting! Just be, like: "Let’s have a duel!" and then go out and shoot each other!

–Rush Hour, L Train

Man on cell (waving his hand around in the shape of a gun): I’ve got a gun in my hand! Oh crap, I mean not a real one. I shouldn’t have said that out loud.

–32nd & 6th

Overheard by: sromeo

Self-important white girl: So then my friends started talking about the shooting up here, and I was like: "Screw you all, you didn’t even call up to find out if I was dead."

–126th & Lenox

Preaching hobo: This year they raise your rent. And the year after. Soon you have to shoot them. You know this.

–34th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Rent Controlled

Man: I understand remembering things differently. I just don’t understand how one could confuse being shot at with not being shot at.

–6th Ave & 3rd St, Park Slope

Posted on June 25, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Latinos, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Pee, Shoot, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, Threats, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weapons, Weirdness, White People

How Children Learn to Stop Giving Warnings

Small child: I’m going to bite you, mom!
Mom: No, wait till we get off the train.

–1 Train

Posted on June 23, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Threats, Weirdness

Remember– Teabaggers Can Be Choosers

Slutty teenager: I think I had his balls in my mouth. That’s so degrading.
Slutty goth teenager: What the fuck? Even I haven’t had his balls in my mouth. And we were like, practically dating.

–F Train

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on June 20, 2008
Balls, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Friends, Goths, Gripes, On the Subway, Teens

Possibly the Most Depressing Sentence Ever Uttered

Frat boy #1 (about crowded train): This reminds me of a 311 concert.
Frat boy #2: Every day of my life is a 311 concert.

–1 Train

Posted on June 20, 2008
Frat Boys, Friends, Gripes, Music, On the Subway, Public Transportation

And I Thought I Was So Socially-Conscious When I Stopped Using “Blackie”

Blonde: So I started calling my students “nizzle”.
Brunette: “Nizzle” means “nigger”.
Blonde: Oh. My. God.

–A Train

Posted on June 19, 2008
Default, Education, Etiquette, Girls, On the Subway, Race, Teachers/Professors, Words

I Don’t Think Either of You Have Really Seen The Polar Express

10-year-old little brother: And then there was this huge fight on an armored train.
20-something big brother: Wait, are you sure it was a train?
10-year-old little brother: Yeah, it was an armored train that had guns, and bombs, and fireworks.
20-something big brother: Are you sure it wasn’t a truck? I saw that movie and it was a truck.
10-year-old little brother: Nope, it was a train.
20-something big brother: You didn’t see the movie, did you? You just had someone tell you about it, right?
10-year-old little brother: Yeah…

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on June 19, 2008
Boys, Brothers, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Guys, Kids, Movies, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, War, Weapons

Wednesday One-Liners, Fresh from the Oven

Girl on cell: You ate breakfast? You animal!

–2 Train Platform, Wall Street

Overheard by: Gin in Tonic

Angry guy on cell: She’s a chef! Of course she makes bad decisions… like deciding to be a chef!

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Withnail

Buddy Holly glasses guy: Oh, I want food so much more than I want women right now.

–First Saturday, Brooklyn Museum

Suit: I’m going to order some mashed potatoes, with a side order of pussy.

–In front of Macy’s, Herald Square

Overheard by: sometimesdee

Middle-aged jewish lady to other: So she asks me if she can come over for supper and I said I don’t know how to work the stove!

–Avenue J & E 12th Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Surprised teen: She fondled my pancakes. She’s a pancake fondler!

–34th St

Overheard by: Chloe

Posted on June 18, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Guys, Jews, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

It’s a Sad State of Affairs When “Lights On” Is Freaky

Dude #1: Yo son, that girl last week, Anna, she is all kinds of freaky.
Dude #2: Weird, that’s what I heard.
Dude #1: Yeah man, she wanted me to do her from behind with the lights on and shit.
Dude #2: Nigga, that shit ain’t freaky.
Dude #1: Yo, with the lights on and a dildo in her mouth.
Dude #2: Wait… Which Anna you talking ’bout, my cousin?

–A Train

Overheard by: nuttybella

Posted on June 17, 2008
Default, Family Ties, Friends, Gossip, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Weirdness

On the Subway