Obnoxious female tourist: Help, I'm lost!
Cop: No you're not! You're on the f train!
–F Train
Obnoxious female tourist: Help, I'm lost!
Cop: No you're not! You're on the f train!
–F Train
Girl #1: I don’t like that picture. It looks like I just had sex.
Girl #2: Yeah, and I look like I just had it with you.
–6 train
Drunk girl: No, really, how drunk are you?
Sober guy: Very drunk.
Drunk girl: Really?
Sober guy: Oh, shit, you totally just flashed that guy your vagina!
–E train
Girl #1: So, Matt* is back with Della*.
Queer: Even though her vagina smells funny?
Girl #2: I need to pee, y’all.
–1 train
Overheard by: Dan
Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Inkling
35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.
–R Train
Overheard by: Abby and Holly
20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."
–Union Square
Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.
–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd
African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.
–48th St & Broadway
Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl
MTA guy: Let ’em off, let ’em off. It’s just like sex, you gotta get it out to get it in.
–1 train
Overheard by: Andrew Litwin
Teen #1: So, did your friend come by?
Teen #2: Yeah, for a quick hot minute. And girl, she’s sooo skinny. And she’s pregnant… And she’s a lesbian.
Teen #1: Ohhh…
Teen #2: I told her she could be on Jerry Springer.
–4 train
Overheard by: NinjaRider
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen…this is not good.
–N train
Overheard by: Melissa
Overheard by: Anonymous
Little girl reaching for Peanut M&Ms: I want penis!
Mother: You better stop that!
Little girl: I want penis!
Stranger: Just give it to her, for Christ’s sake!
–Manhattan-bound L train
Girl dressed as vampire: Papa, did you bring snowflake?
Dad: No, baby, I forgot to pack him.
Girl dressed as vampire: Papa, I curse you.
–7 Train
Overheard by: The Vampire Newsbunny
