Wednesday One-Liners Say a Mouthful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Stefan Yonker

Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Nina & Phil

Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".

–L Train

Posted on April 17, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Facebook, Friendship, Guys, Hudson River, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

I’m Confident No Known Terrorist Has a Chance

Lady #1: Osama doesn’t have a chance to win the election.
Lady #2: Osama? Don’t you mean Barack Obama?
Lady #1: No, not him.

–5 Train

Overheard by: E-Stuff

Posted on April 16, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Default, Names, On the Subway, Politics, Questions, Stupidity, Terrorism, Women

I Thought Guys Liked Fishnets and Bitter Irony

Guy #1: Why are hipster chicks so unattractive?
Guy #2: Because if they were attractive they would be accused of conforming, and then they might even have to get excited about something….god forbid.

–5 train

Posted on April 13, 2018
Beauty, Friends, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Questions

This Pony Keg Is Due Any Day Now

Lady: Sir, this woman is very pregnant. Please give her your seat.
Fat man: Yeah, well, I’m very fat, and that’s basically the same thing.

–4 train

Posted on April 8, 2018
Fat People, On the Subway, Philosophy

Wednesday One-Liners! They're Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheerfully, to seven-year-old daughter: There's only one Lindsay Lohan!

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Jewish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done people tell me I look like Amy Winehouse?

–116th St & Broadway

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in particular: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larger reporter: I'm not going to save clothes that fit me before I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I'm going to buy some new damn clothes. I don't want to wear stuff from 1987. I'll look stupid, I'll look like Mischa Barton.

–Midtown Office

Overheard by: you wont be mischa's size

Hipster girl to friend: I mean, I really like him… But he thinks River Phoenix is a place.

–East Village

Posted on March 31, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Clothing, Columbia, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Creepsters, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, JAPs, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Names, Nose Job, Offers and requests, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Physical appearance, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

No Alien Abductions for Me, Thank You

Eight-year old #1: Did you know that when you turn 40 they stick gel up your butt?
Eight-year old #2: No way! Gross!

–R Train

Posted on March 26, 2018
Age/Aging, Ass, Boys, Kids, On the Subway, Weirdness

That’s Actually an Excellent Lie

College girl #1: That guy is so awkward.
College girl #2: Yeah, and I think he lies a lot. Like, one time I asked him if he was a virgin or not, and he said: “I’m not sure, because the girl didn’t bleed.”
College girl #1: Yeah… Wait, what?

–A Train

Overheard by: Lizzie

Posted on March 24, 2018
Blood & bleeding, Default, Friends, Lies, On the Subway, Sorority Girls, Virginity, Weirdness

Transferring From the F to the A

Guy #1: You know, I just love fucking my girlfriend up the ass.
Guy #2: Why do you want to tell me that?
Guy #1: It’s better than anything.
Guy #2: Dude, I don’t care, shut the fuck up.
Guy #1: It’s like putting your dick in a extremely tight and warm–
Guy #2: Dude, honestly, I don’t give a fuck, so if you are going to start again, I’m gonna rip out your throat. Comprende?

–F train

Overheard by: Ting

Posted on March 23, 2018
Backdoor, Friendship, Guys, On the Subway, Threats

I Rarely Know

Girl #1: Hey, what is the drug in Turkey that makes you sleepy?
Girl #2: Uhmmm, hashish?
Girl #1: You put hash in your turkey?
Girl #2: What are you talking about?

–1 Train

Overheard by: renee

Posted on March 22, 2018
Drugs, Food, Girls, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness, Words

…But That's Actually a Tuna Sandwich.

Hipster girl with tattoo: Have you ever masturbated so much your room only smells like pussy?
Hipster girl with nose ring, nonchalantly: It's the best, isn't it?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on March 15, 2018
Hipsters, Masturbation, On the Subway, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Vagina

On the Subway