Same Reason You Aren't Homeschooling Him

Angry parent: So what you are telling me is you know nothing about how my son's face got bruised.
Teacher: No, ma'am. Like I said, it happened at recess. I am on my lunch during their recess.
Angry parent: So you weren't there? You didn't see nothing?
Teacher: I did not see anything. I was not there. I was on my lunch.
Angry parent: So you wasn't there? You is his teacher but you's not with him all day?
Teacher: No ma'am. If I were with these students all day, I would kill myself.

–Public School, Bronx

Posted on March 28, 2009
Kids, Parents, Questions, School, School and studying, Suicide, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Violence

A Beautiful Story Of the Triumph Of the Human Spirit

Boy, locked in train bathroom: Mommy, I can't get out!
Mom, trying not to laugh: Sweetie, it's okay, you just need to undo the lock.
Boy: I can't breathe!
(car erupts into laughter, followed by applause once he makes it out)

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Gavin

Posted on March 28, 2009
Boys, Laughter, Moms, Parents, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom

Dad Sells a Lot Of Beans in Hong Kong

Stoner girl: After Thanksgiving break I realized that no one in my family ever knows what the fuck I am talking about.
Stoner guy: Yeah! Totally! Everything I said to my dad he'd be like “What?! What the hell does that have to do with the price of beans in Hong Kong?”

–Fordham University, Rose Hill Campus

Posted on March 27, 2009
Family Ties, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Insults, Money & Class, Parents, Stoners

There Go the Horseback Riding Lessons, I Guess.

Mom #1: She refuses to wear slacks! She'll only wear dresses and skirts. She told me, “mommy, girls don't like to have anything between their legs except their underpants.”
Mom #2: Let's hope she feels that way til she's twenty.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on March 27, 2009
Age/Aging, Clothing, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Private Parts, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Up Shit's Creek

Three-year-old boy, refusing to get in stroller: Shit! Shit! Shit, mommy! Shit!

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Sarah

Young boy, yelling after hearing Jesus freaks preach: What a bunch of shit that is!

–7th Ave & 33rd St

Overheard by: Colleen

Hobo drinking Red Bull: This is Red Bull shit!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: RevolutionSuzi

30-something lady on cell: I'm gonna be shitting my brains out later.

–Astoria

Seasoned-looking guy, watching hobo pee in the middle of a subway car: I ain't never seen that shit before. That shit is brand new!

–4 Train

Overheard by: i will be traumatized forever

Menacing black woman on phone: I'mma go home and shit on my girlfriend's China.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Penelope

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Black People, Body Parts, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Drinks, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Penn Station, Poop, Religion, Should've Used a Condom, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Baloo Was So Wearing the Pants in That Relationship

Black-haired girl: Have you ever noticed how Disney characters hardly ever have mothers?
Blonde girl: Yeah, word! Nemo, Cinderella…
Black-haired girl: Jasmine, Belle, Mowgli from The Jungle Book…but then again he didn't have pants either, so I don't think he matters.

–New School, 13th & 2nd

Posted on March 21, 2009
Clothing, Disney, Girls, Parents, Questions, School, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Star in Dude, Where's My Brother?

Black man handing out leaflets: Your feet are like chicken nuggets, and I want to eat them!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Father to toddler: Well, what if I go crazy and bite your butt off?

–M&M World Store

Hispanic man to friends: Yo, man–I eat that pussy from *behind*!

–61st & 3rd

NYU guy: No, I don't condone cannibalism. Though I could see why you think I would.

–NYU Elevator

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Black People, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Dads, Elevators, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Kids, Latinos, Licking, Men, NYU, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, Street, The Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Or I'll Hit the Ejector Button

Son: Mommy, why does god make these benches so uncomfortable?
Mommy: So you don't fall asleep. Now stop talking.

–Christ and St. Stephen's Church, W 69th St

Overheard by: falling asleep anyway

Posted on March 15, 2009
Church, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Last Night While I Was Sleeping, They Dipped My Hand in Water!

Guy #1: I'm so tired. The monks kept me up all night.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: There are a bunch of Buddhist monks staying at my house.
Guy #2, laughing: What? Are you serious? Why are they there?
Guy #1: Because my mom is a political activist or something.
Guy #2: (laughs)
Guy #1: It's not even funny, it's just weird. I have all these Buddhist monks plotting a revolution in my living room!

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on March 13, 2009
Buddha, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Laughter, Parents, Politics, Questions, Stuyvesant, Weirdness

You Try Explaining Bankruptcy to a Kid

Six-year-old boy: Daddy, why's BurritoVille closed?
Dad: Because there aren't enough angels in heaven.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: feygele

Posted on March 13, 2009
Christianity, Dads, Food, Kids, Parents, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Parents