Wednesday One-Liners: Bigger, Longer, Uncut

Guy: And I was thinking how lucky I was not to have had a bris. That guy had like eight of them!

–Thai Restaurant

Overheard by: sara swank

Girl: Wait, are you circumcised? In the penis?

–Wicked Monk, 86th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: christine

Beautiful Latina: But my dad getting circumcised at 57 wasn’t even the funniest thing!

–Dallas BBQ, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Ladle

Teen on cell: So, they were going to uncircumcise it?

–Flatbush Ave & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Teen girl: Oh my god, my circumcised hot dog!

–The Summit School

Overheard by: Michael

CVS employee on cell: Yo, that nigga be gangsta son, he be gangsta. That nigga be circumcised, he all "what?" that nigga fall down, he be "waah, waah" then be be right back up playing an shit. Yeah, that nigga’s gangsta.

–CVS, 30th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Robyn

Posted on July 2, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Circumcision, Girls, Guys, Judaism, Latinos, On Cell, Parents, Penis, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

…It Was Just Age-Appropriate Erotic Play, Mom!

Mother, scolding six-year-old girl: No more kissing until… you’re 27!
Little girl: But…

–74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on June 30, 2008
Age/Aging, Default, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Moms, Parents, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Luckily My Wife’s Into That

Female fan (after seeing Tom Wopat in A Catered Affair): You remind me of my father.
Tom Wopat (in New York accent): I’m like everyone’s father.

–Stage Door, Kerr Theater

Overheard by: Andi C.

Posted on June 30, 2008
Actors, Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Parents, Theater, Women

We Paid a Lot of Money to Get You Into That School for Mutes

Two-year-old boy: Mom, I missed you a lot in school.
Mother: Don’t talk.

–Pizza Place, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: eliza

Posted on June 24, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

If You Don’t Share with Him

(mom yelling at six-year-old son playing with several magazines)
Mom: Eric, let’s go now!
Eric: But Mom, I want one!
Mom: For Christ’s sake! Just take one and let’s go.
(Eric takes Gay Life)
Mom: Your father is going to kill you.

–80th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Schatz

Posted on June 22, 2008
Boys, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Kids, Moms, Parents, Threats, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

Is “First Position” Supposed to Involve a Head in a Crotch?

Young girl: Mom, I don’t want to go to ballet!
Mother: Sweetie, you have to. I paid four hundred dollars for one lesson. If you think you’re gonna back out of this now…
Young girl: But mom, the teacher touches me!
Mother: Well, damn it, he can touch you as much as he wants for the four fucking hundred dollars I spend every week!

–60th St & 4th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: kristen

Posted on June 19, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Education, Girls, Harassment, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Parents, Theater & Dance, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Idolized Wednesday Addams Growing Up

Creepy-looking, middle aged goth guy, yelling: He dances with the denizens of the underworld! [Turns to his female companion.] What was his webpage again?

–7th b/w 1st & 2nd

Goth chick: Yea, my mom cried while my dad chased me around with sandpaper.

–Pratt Campus

Overheard by: Late-Night Passerby

Goth girl to friend: I can’t wait until you’re addicted to sex.

–Queens

Goth girl talking loudly to goth friend: It just sucks that everyone is such a toolbag. Like everyone. That guy right there. Toolbag. You. Toolbag. Everyone is just a toolbag. Like seven out of ten people are just tools.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Annoyed goth chick to friend: …so it looks like I’m going to be whipping some yuppies in a dungeon again.

–Bedford Ave & 3rd

Overheard by: yuppie45

Posted on June 18, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Crying, Friends, Girls, Goths, Guys, Insults, Internet, Parents, Queens, Questions, Sex, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Sweet Tooth

Hobo, to commuters: I’m hungry, homeless, and unemployed. I’m selling these candies for $0.25 so I can buy a meal. You’re all going to die, and you can’t take it with you, so give it to me!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Wondering why he couldn’t just eat the candy…?

Girl: So she was like: "Why can’t we have a candy corn background?" and I was like "Because you’re an idiot!"

–Starbucks, 34th St

Overweight yet stylish gay man: She had a hunger deep inside her that only a Snickers could quench.

–M101 Bus

Overheard by: Holla Back Girl

Mother to young son: You can get something, but I don’t want you to pick out no fucking twenty dollar candy. You ain’t been that good.

–Hershey World, Times Square

Overheard by: esgeness

Professor to student: I found out what they put in their brownies, I plan to use it against them!

–101st & Broadway

Group of high school girls to Mister Softee ice cream truck driver: Hey ice cream man! Ice cream man! Give us some ice cream! We’ll suck you off!

–Beverley & Ocean Parkway

Overheard by: A Radiant Sulk Ninja

Posted on June 4, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Death, Fat People, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Panhandling, Parents, Queer guys, Starbucks, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, Teens, Times Square, Weirdness

When the Bimbos Come Home to Roost

Middle-aged suit #1: So I’m going to be a father again.
Middle-aged suit #2: Oh, really?
Middle-aged suit #1: Yeah, the mother’s some bimbo on the West Side.
Middle-aged suit #2: Oh yeah.
Middle-aged suit #1: Yeah. I figure if I’m going to fuck up my life, I might as well do it in grand fashion.

–Times Square

Posted on June 2, 2008
Insults, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Suits, Times Square

Parents