Kid: Mom, can I get some water?
Mom: No.
Kid: I'm thirsty, mom! I'm gonna get a seizure!
–77th St & Broadway
Kid: Mom, can I get some water?
Mom: No.
Kid: I'm thirsty, mom! I'm gonna get a seizure!
–77th St & Broadway
Distressed four-year-old: But why are you walking in front of me?
Father: Honey, I know you're the princess, but that doesn't mean I can't walk in front of you.
–101st & Amsterdam
Three-year-old: I have a lot of M&Ms at mommy's house.
Dad: Yes, but you get more snacks at daddy's house.
–Path Train
Overheard by: Jatmos
White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!"
–UES
Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense.
–St. Mark’s Place
Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf
Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister.
–Houston & West Broadway
Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on.
–W 19th St
Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much.
–NYAS Shuttle, JFK
Overheard by: innocent bus rider
(hip girl yells in excitement)
Old woman on street: Grow up!
Hip girl to friend: God! Homeless people spend all day screaming on the street and no one tells them too grow up.
Hip friend: Yeah, it’s not your fault that your dad’s a republican.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: dobby
Teenage girl #1: When I was little, my mom told me that whenever I had to go to the bathroom, I should say “Excuse me, I have to go powder my nose.” But when I said it to my kindergarten teachers they didn’t understand what I meant.
Teenage girl #2: That’s because your kindergarten teachers, unlike your mom, weren’t bitchy, uptight wasps.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I know. That’s why I go to private school now.
–Terminal 5
EMT driver woman #1: Oooh… That dog is so cute!
EMT driver woman #2: Hmm, he is cute.
EMT driver woman #1: Sometimes I wish I had a dog instead of a child, cuz when the child grows up, they start talking, and then you just wanna knock ’em out!
–Jackson Heights
Mother: Okay, give it back to me.
Four-year-old boy holding MetroCard: I want to hold it.
Mother, taking the MetroCard: You can’t hold it. It is very expensive, and mommy will have to pay a lot of money to replace it if you lose it.
Four-year-old boy, looking around at crowd on bus: Stop embarrassing me. Why are you always embarrassing me?
–N38 Bus
Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?
–53rd St
Overheard by: jillcorp
Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I’m going to pee right on this yard.
–Central Park
Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!
–Grand Central Terminal
Tourist girl: I don’t get it, there’s so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.
–City Hall Park
Tourist on cell: So far, I’ve experienced coldness and evil.
–57th & 8th
Overheard by: Lag
